Smile, Laugh, Hug, Repeat

https://cheezburger.com/9757445/your-daily-treat-tired-bees-who-fell-asleep-inside-flowers

NaBloPoMo 2021:  Do Good, Kid

Times are so hard right now.  Tempers are short, nerves are frayed.  We feel edgy, agitated, hypersensitive.  It’s no wonder, with a global pandemic going on two years.  Our work, our kids’ schools, and everybody’s lives are disrupted in more complex ways than we can wrap our heads around. 

And yet, through it all, we persist. For many of us, it’s not been all bad. We slowed down, reassessed, reprioritized, and emerged with a deeper understanding and appreciation for more simple sources of fulfillment in life. If anything, it’s the connections gained from pandemic living that have saved us, and the disconnections that threaten us most.

Even after the acute scourge of COVID, we will still encounter hardships—strains on our patience with one another, acts of nature out of our control, more short tempers and frayed nerves, relationships at risk. How can we fortify ourselves and one another against despair and withdrawal? We can throw ourselves into work, which may hold us up if our jobs are full of meaning. We can numb with food, alcohol, drugs, sex, and other high risk behaviors.

We need something to fan the flames, however small, of hope and optimism—the faith that we will be okay, that we can handle whatever comes, as long as we do it together. I feel so blessed with such amazing people in my life, friends and family alike. Every day I marvel at how I got so lucky. I’m also reminded that I have a hand in these wonderful connections—I cultivate them on purpose. I learned how from my mom, and I see my kids growing in their skills.

To exercise good humor, find joy, and connect with people through that which uplifts—jokes, memes, comedy, and the like—I think we sometimes underestimate the vital importance of these practices in daily life. It’s too easy to get sucked into darkness, to lose the light. But it’s always there, however faint or dim, if we look. We can always find something to smile and laugh about. We can always offer each other a warm embrace (especially if we are vaccinated, masked, and asymptomatic, and even if we are not).

It’s how we share love, and that’s what keeps us going. When we meet people, even if our own mood is sour, we can choose to smile. That one offer of connection can set the path of any encounter on an upward trajectory, lifting all involved. We can share a funny—oh hey look, I wrote about this for NaBloPoMo last year! 😀 Besides The Big Bang Theory and Nathan Pyle, this year I also recommend Awkward Yeti, Upworthy, and any source that offers joy without judgment.

Let’s all hold each other in a little more light, love, fun, and grace, eh? 

In case you have not had your dose today, I just saw this on Facebook now; please enjoy and pass it on:

This starts my 22nd year of teaching middle school. Yesterday was quite possibly one of the most impactful days I have ever had.

I tried a new activity called “The Baggage Activity”. I asked the kids what it meant to have baggage and they mostly said it was hurtful stuff you carry around on your shoulders.

I asked them to write down on a piece of paper what was bothering them, what was heavy on their heart, what was hurting them, etc. No names were to be on a paper. They wadded the paper up, and threw it across the room.

They picked up a piece of paper and took turns reading out loud what their classmate wrote. After a student read a paper, I asked who wrote that, and if they cared to share.

I’m here to tell you, I have never been so moved to tears as what these kids opened up and about and shared with the class.

Things like suicide, parents in prison, drugs in their family, being left by their parents, death, cancer, losing pets (one said their gerbil died cause it was fat, we giggled😁) and on and on.

The kids who read the papers would cry because what they were reading was tough. The person who shared (if they chose to tell us it was them) would cry sometimes too. It was an emotionally draining day, but I firmly believe my kids will judge a little less, love a little more, and forgive a little faster.

This bag hangs by my door to remind them that we all have baggage. We will leave it at the door. As they left I told them, they are not alone, they are loved, and we have each other’s back.

I am honored to be their teacher.

via: Karen Wunderlich Loewe / Facebook

Originally posted in 2019

Ask More and Better Questions

View of I-70 from Silver Plume, CO, 2015

NaBloPoMo 2021:  Do Good, Kid

What one habit do you really wish all people would practice more? 

What difference would it make to humanity if we did? 

How could/would you incite a movement in this direction? 

Who would you recruit to help? 

Who does it a lot/enough/too much/effectively already? 

What are these people like? 

What else do you admire about them?

What else else??

My biggest pet peeve is early closure (asking far too few and poor questions, then jumping to poor conclusions). 

How would it have changed your engagement with this post, if at all, had I opened with that declaration? 

To walk my title mantra talk, it occurred to me to introduce my thesis—that we should all practice asking more and better questions—posed as a question. 

How would readers answer, I wondered?  The possibilities are infinite, OMG how awesome! 

Where would the conversation go after that, I asked myself? What else would I ask in response? The subsequent questions came to me, in the order above, as I embraced my premise in full. And wow, it felt liberated, generative, potentiating, and FUN! I would love to have this conversation!

Asking questions, more than answering them, is how we learn and grow.  Finding the best questions to unlock innovation and connection—I can think of few more satisfying undertakings.  Those questions stop us in our tracks.  We look up, straighten our posture, cock our heads.  Mental gears that don’t usually turn get cranked, sparking action potentials where none ever occurred before.  Magnificent questions carve novel landscapes of insight and creativity within, before, and between us—ah-HA!

More than anything, excellent questions help us connect. 

When you have a great idea, what do you want most when you share it?  You want people to ask you about it, right? 

And what engages you most when they ask–what are the greatest benefits? Maybe they help you flesh out a rudimentary notion, find flaws, discover applications, strengthen your argument? Maybe they point you to perspectives you had not yet seen? Maybe they trigger even more interesting questions that you had not thought to ask before?

Even converting statements to questions, as I did in the last three sentences, can alter the course of an encounter, yielding much more rewarding depth and complexity—no?

I have a friend who used to meet any concept outside his comfort zone immediately with, “That’s a bad idea.” Guess how fast I stopped sharing things with him? Thankfully, I have friends like Donna, Christine, Stacy, Nicole, and others, who will respond to even my most outlandish assertions with, “Ooo, tell me more?” “What made you say that?” “How does that relate to…?” “Where will you take this?” and the like. Our conversations inevitably end in my scribbling exuberantly, and those musings often show up on this blog. When I find myself mired in the dysfunctional narratives of my most challenging relationships, it’s the open, honest questions I ask myself that get me unstuck.

Be the person people want to tell their ideas to. Inhabit the safe place where your loved ones, those you lead, and anyone who needs you can bring their nascent, brilliant, opinionated, eccentric, flawed, WRONG, and any other thoughts. Ask more and better questions for clarification, understanding, exploration, collaboration, and connection, among other things.

Notice that the most generative questions often start with ‘What’ and ‘How’, and their answers are almost never yes, no, or some other binary choice.  The most fun exception might be, “HELL YES, or no?” 

Lastly, if you’re surrounded by pitiable interrogators, substitute their banal queries with the most fascinating ones you can muster, respond to those instead, and see where that goes.  Maybe they’ll take the hint and follow suit, and voila, you’ve started a movement.

I really love the questions below.  What are your favorites? 

Onward in curiosity, friends.

What assumptions do I make here?

What do I not know?

What is up with that?

What is the evidence?

How do I know? 

How sure am I, really?

How would I feel in that situation?

What is my objective here?

What does this person really care about?

What am I committed to first?

What next step(s) will move us toward our goal(s)?

What would I give for this?

What does this person need from me?

NaBloPoMo Theme Reveal, 2021

Okay, friends, it begins! 

National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) was an annual November thing back in 2015, when I started this blog.  Apparently the person who started it no longer claims it or formally facilitates, but many of us still practice.  This year a small cadre of women physician writers may join me in the challenge, woohoo!

The theme for this, my 7th year, emerged over the summer.  As some of you know, Son is a senior in high school, applying to college right now.  On a walk through the neighborhood one sunny evening in August, I ran into parents of two different classmates, kids he’s known since preschool.  We compared our respective parental experiences of contemporary college apps—fascinating!  In both conversations, I asked my counterparts what they wished most for their kids to learn at college, and then in life.  As usual, the question arose from outward curiosity, and before I could finish asking, I really wanted to answer for myself, too.

In short order, three primary ‘adulting skills’ came to mind: 

  1. Self-awareness
  2. Self-regulation
  3. Critical thinking

Over subsequent weeks the list grew quickly, as I sought additions from other friends and family. I noticed it was mostly nouns, which started to feel listless and uninspiring. Simon Sinek points out, in Start With Why, that posting static concepts such as ‘Honesty’ as organizational values is too abstract and unmotivating; it doesn’t tell people what to do. He recommends converting such nominal platitudes to verb statements instead: Isn’t ‘Always Tell the Truth’ a much clearer and more activating expression? And bonus: it also makes us accountable.

So this November, I intend to post one ‘action mantra’ each day, that I hope for my children to practice, to live a good life. I have chosen the theme title: Do Good, Kid. I like that play on words, too. 😉

This year’s theme is, perhaps, more personally meaningful and coherent for me than previous ones. I imagine it as the lifelong learning To Do list that could persist as my kids’ ethical earworms when I’m not around to remind them. It’s also a record of my own personal aspirations. How can I ask them to do anything I’m not willing to model myself? I have 30 days, and well over 30 practices to choose from. This could be fun.

So let’s see how it goes, eh?  Can’t wait can’t wait!