Category Archives: relationship

Energy, Pheromones, and Grief

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NaBloPoMo 2020 —  Today’s Lesson

Whoa Nellie, this week kinda crushed me.  Thank goodness for weekends—time to slow down, take a breath, and recharge.

I have a theory about Zoom fatigue; wondering if it resonates with anyone?  Maybe someone has some physical evidence to share?  It’s about quantum energy and our olfactory senses.

I actually really love Zoom.  After years of running webinars, I’m used to inhabiting a little box next to a PowerPoint, and I love seeing family, friends and colleagues from all across the country and around the world, all at the same time.  And all the better if we’re learning or communing around core values and shared goals!  With good internet we get real time visual and audio cues, and even see bits of each other’s natural habitats.  So what’s missing feels less concrete, harder to describe.

A couple friends and I posit that it’s something around energy.  A resonance ensues when people gather, negotiated in the quantum space, intangible yet palpable.  In harmonic physical presence we find ourselves synergistically lifted, nourished, and bonded.  I think pheromones must also play a role.  We fancy ourselves so evolved, but our primitive brains still drive us, or at least have a hand on the wheel.  When we cannot connect by vibe and smell, I bet we lose more than we know—and it hurts.

I have no evidence for these claims, and it doesn’t really matter if I’m right.  I think we’re all feeling the disconnect more intensely now, eight months into an indefinite and now worsening pandemic. It helps to acknowledge the sadness, the grief.  

I understand why so many plan to gather for the holidays.  Maybe it’s an impossible balance.  I wonder what we’ll regret most in the end?

Two Drops from the Firehose

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

Friends, my firehose of learning gushed forcefully all week, and I’m exhausted in that really satisfied, saturated way.  Rather than trying to gulp directly in the path of deluge tonight, I looked for the drops that fell lightly, right from the nozzle.  Of all the things I read, heard, discussed, applied, and discerned, what stood out most?  Here’s what I found:

First, an article my friend posted and quoted tonight, which resonated deeply:

I believe the entire Jewish enterprise, with Talmud as its core spiritual practice, was designed to create…a person who is profoundly empathic, deeply connected to others, and radically loving; challenging rather than compliant, more disposed to resistance than obedience, active rather than passive; bold, courageous, and risk-taking when necessary; who can not only tolerate but appreciate and navigate uncertainty, paradox, and contradiction—because life is that way; who can appreciate and deal with complexity—because life is complex—rather than retreat into the need for and illusion of simplicity; who is resilient and can hold their truths lightly; and who walks through the world bringing the insights from their lived life experience to bear as a critique on a world which needs to be repaired precisely in those ways.

… It was designed to and must be utilized again to create people courageous enough to bring their svara, their moral intuition—refined and shaped by their learning—to bear on the world around them in such a way as to create a liberatory world in which all people can thrive in freedom and dignity, without barriers to being able to live out their fully human selves. And I believe that becoming that kind of person is a radical act of resistance. 

Hallelujah.

Second, Brené Brown’s podcast grounds and graces me lately.  This weekend, treat yourself to the profound and empowering message of Elizabeth Lesser, author of Cassandra Speaks, the next book in my Audible queue.  In addition to explaining the Tend and Befriend stress response and the real meaning of power, Lesser points to the necessary inner work required to really change the world:

It’s Friday the 13th.  COVID spreads like wildfire across the country, two weeks before Thanksgiving.

Let us take care of each other.  Judge less.  Listen more.  And MASK UP.

Onward.

Keeping In Touch

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

How have you maintained and nurtured your ties this year? 

As the days get shorter and colder, I feel the annual personal regression set in.  In 2020, this carries new and important implications.  The busier I get, the more I value quiet and solitude.  But my soul sings in connection—broad, frequent, and deep.

Since March I count at least six new, recurring engagements with friends and family, occurring over phone, Zoom, and snail mail.  They have all held me up and calmed me down through tumult.  And they all occurred organically—all of us seeking comfort, connection, and meaning through the chaos and morass.  All signs point to these as my social and emotional beacons through the coming winter.  What will your beacons be?

At work, this year has tested our teams.  Even the most resilient ones have strained under the stress of complex and prolonged uncertainty.  Though we returned to work in June, we are still not together like before.  We’ve had to find new ways to stay connected, including weekly video calls and now the possibility of daily, one-song, video dance parties.  I see more clearly now where I can connect more regularly one on one, and how individuals may need me to show up in different ways.  I would have told you for many years now that I understand this concept; today I feel at least one step closer to living it for real.

Relationships are already hard.  Cultivating and sustaining healthy ones in the midst of crisis, in an increasingly Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous (VUCA) world, takes extra attention and effort.  I must constantly attune and retune. 

Every encounter is an opportunity to try; it makes me better, and I’m grateful.