Thinking a lot about expectations lately.
When we were kids, what did we expect from life? How far ahead did we imagine? By the end of high school, how had it already evolved? And since then, how many speed bumps and hard lefts?
Years ago an older friend expressed wonder and regret at her child’s life path and how it had diverged from her assumptions and expectations. I will be forever grateful for that bit of shared wisdom, as it made me aware of my own unquestioned, default settings. My life would take some pretty sharp turns in the coming years, and I was less blindsided than I would have been without her sharing. Looking back, though I would never wish for these events again, I’m grateful for the experience and lessons gained from them. When life diverges from our plan, we are forced to assess and adapt, often repeatedly. It shakes our assumptions and makes us appreciate when things do go our way; helps us to not take that for granted.
Adversity also trains resilience, as so many adages tell us. While past hardships may make us anxious and avoidant of future encounters with familiar experiences, we also learn that we can not only tolerate them, but manage and prevail. The best outcome is that adversity overcome in one domain gives us confidence for facing struggles in any other realm of life. It can make us more creative, show us the full extent of our resourcefulness.
High school – College – Relationships – Career – Government – Geopolitics – Health – Longevity – Climate – Life – Death
We truly never know what’s around the corner, much less control it.
This uncertainty hangs on my consciousness more as Daughter prepares for high school graduation and college. More of my life feels uncertain in the coming year than it has felt in a couple decades, though I wonder if in reality the empiric level of uncertainty (how is that even measured?) is always the same? Is that true?
Can we ever say that a certain era or circumstance is more certain than any other? Maybe it’s another paradox? Statistically I am unlikely to get stuck by lightning. I expected, reasonably, that my pregnancies and deliveries would be healthy and uncomplicated. At this point in the history of our government, can we objectively say that anything is more or less predictable or certain than at any other time? What intrinsic and extrinsic factors affect our subjective perceptions and experience of un/certainty?
All of that said, and with so many other deep, philosophical questions swimming in my head tonight, I can still settle down and breathe slowly. I keep coming back to attunement and agency. The older I get the better I’m able to notice my own reactions and tendencies, body and mind cues of stress and threat, peace and confidence. I notice dysfunctional patterns more objectively, with less judgment and resistance; I flow more easily with the functional currents, adjusting behaviors more smoothly, with more grace for self and others. It’s incredibly freeing; I know I can handle whatever comes, because the longer I live, the more I have already faced and overcome already.
I allow my expectations and monitor my assumptions. I remain committed to values and goals, as well as to the flexibility required to maintain them when detours appear on the path. I hold it all loosely and with confidence. I know I can commit and flex–funny, I wrote that post as Son prepared to submit college applications. Patterns and reflections recur in life, yes? It feels similar and different. How wonderful, this opportunity to explore once again. I bet it won’t be the last time.
