Slower, Deeper, Better

Friends, how much do you absorb the first time you consume a book?
How often do you read or listen again, and why?
How does each repeat episode land; what impacts you similarly and differently?

I wrote (again) in April about The Art of Possibility, my favorite book since 2009, how I was inspired to share it with multiple friends in a short time recently, then moved to 
listen and read again
myself after a few years. With the most recent sharing, other books from my past came to mind, Curious by Ian Leslie in particular.  I knew I had listened to it at least twice and bought a hard copy but never actually read it. This time my annual book summary here on the blog came in handy–turns out I listened in 2019 and 2022. I absorbed more at those times than I can remember now, so I brought the book with me to London on vacation this month. I read ¾ of it on the flight back to Chicago.

Wow.  What an oddly novel experience, moving through a book that is already well known to me, but that I had clearly not fully absorbed and internalized.  Pencil in hand, flipping physical pages back and forth, underlining, starring, and writing in the margins, the full arc and organization of information, storytelling, and application of Leslie’s thesis emerges so much more forcefully and elegantly than I can remember from when I had only listened.  Clearly it made an impression then, as I was moved to buy the paperback.  And it’s possible that its impact now is that much stronger because I have lived, studied, and integrated so much else, gained so much more ancillary knowledge, in the five years since my initial listen, making its content that much richer and more meaningful to me today.  Now this studiously and lovingly marked up, dog-eared to the point of thickening (I have loosened that moratorium on myself) paper copy makes me, strangely, both satisfied and proud, like I have something worthy to show for my consumption of—my active engagement with—the text?

Looking back at that book list from 2019, three things stand out:
1. I consumed considerably fewer books that year compared to the years since—few enough to include a brief description of each in the blog post.
2. Many of the books from that year are still favorites, and I remember clearly how each of them impacted and continue to influence me.
3. A much larger proportion of them were read in print, compared to my book lists now.

Screenshot

from Instagram

Who knew I’d become such a voracious consumer of books, and in such a diversity of genres?  I credit my book club for opening my mind to fiction, which paved the way for my romance immersion, still going strong and as joyous and rewarding as ever after 21 months.  I am surrounded by readers, shown daily on social media everybody’s ‘Current Listen’ or new book mail reveal.  I admit to feeling a fair bit of peer pressure to consume and report!  It has pushed me to make time, find the most cost-effective methods of procurement, and hone my time management skills.  I have made amazing new friends from it all, too. I am a better person for this intense period of fire-hose-style audiobook consumption!

And now I think it’s time to slow down a bit.  Having ‘eyeball’ read a few more romances and novels this year, I appreciate how I can savor the story differently from when I hear it—maybe even better, I’m not sure. Kingfisher Lane by Grant Gosch stands out, a sensual romance written by a man, whose grasp of the heroine’s point of view is so spot on I was almost moved to tears.  I marked and folded many pages of that work and still pull it out to reread certain passages.

2019 was the year of Range, The Infinite Game, Insight, To Bless the Space Between Us, Braving the Wilderness, Atomic Habits, and Sex At Dawn, all books that influence me to this day, and that now I’d like to revisit in print.  I own paper copies of all but one, I believe, and have eyeball read only one (To Bless the Space).  Interestingly, that is the one I have also gifted more often than any of the others.

Every year of books both satisfies and edifies me, no matter the genre.  Even if I don’t absorb as much or as well by audio, just having interacted with these texts in this way is better than not, and audio is so much more efficient sometimes. There is just so much marvelous material to experience, so many meaningful stories, cool science, and
interdisciplinary insights and connections to make, oh. my. God!  Even if I retired today and did nothing but read and listen, my TBR/TBL would only continue to grow, and I would revel in its unfinished glory until I die!

tbr stack

Thus, I set myself a new challenge:  Reassess and reorganize how I spend my time, energy, and resources to make space for slower, deeper, and more meaningful engagement with my chosen books.  Life is only getting shorter; I want to savor and relish the words that others have so painstakingly and lovingly produced.  I respect and admire these authors so much, and appreciate even more their efforts to publish, as I now face the daunting task of attempting to put my own words out in the world at scale. 

OH, this will be so good.  There is no rush.  My Audible library contains over 200 unread titles, and over 300 on my wish list. The Everand lists stand similarly laden, as well as my library account.  My hoarding tendencies may be adequately gratified for now, and I can make my way through the joyous heap with flighty elation and deep contentment.  And, I may finally have a use for my nicer journals—book notes!  How better to put those pretty bound papers to use, profess an excuse to save them all (and continue acquiring more!), and also further solidify my self-study from all things verbal?

Slower.  Deeper.  Better.
Oh yes.

Love

AIYAH LOVE!! *sigh* Let’s see, romance, presence, leadership, accountability, integrity, forgiveness, self-compassion, relationships–the majority of my topics this month overlap deeply with love. And of all the practices I address these thirty days, is there any more important? What are we humans without love? The word is overused, perhaps, and yet every time I hear or say it, I can still choose to ascribe the deepest meaning, thereby reminding myself how it guides me, makes me better, helps me be the person I want to be.

How do I love well already?
–I’m pretty full of it–love, I mean–and it exudes. In some circumstances I am much more reserved about expressing, and even then I’m always looking for opportunities and maximizing within existing constraints. And I’m getting more expressive with age. As life gets shorter, I feel more urgency for those I love to know and feel it unequivocally.
–I relish and amplify the love I see, hear, and feel around me. I endorse fluidity between platonic, romantic, sexual, intellectual, spiritual, and other manifestations of love. Love, in my opinion, is bigger than our rational minds can comprehend or define (though our efforts to do so reward and connect us!), thus I am open to any and all of its authentic manifestations.

How could I do it better?
–I don’t always hold love first and in front in dealing with people. It’s easy with people I like and when circumstances are easy. I’m getting better with people I dislike, and when times are hard.
–I can make mindful love, both inward and outward, a more formal practice and discipline. Just like a parent can only be as happy as their saddest child, I bet we can only show up as loving to others as we do to ourselves.

How does society love well?

Examples Abound. Considering what a sh*tshow the world is right now, we could not be blamed for thinking there is no love anywhere anymore, or if there is, it’s overtaken by anger, hate, and violence. But I bet you could name at least five examples of visible and palpable love in your own life right now. So what is up with that? How can we be loving between family and friends, and also dehumanizing and utterly toxic in other contexts? Just think if we all gave one another, individuals and groups alike, a little benefit of the doubt, made more generous assumptions, and really tried to walk in other people’s shoes? It’s simple in theory, very difficult in practice, and well worth the effort, I think.
My media feed shows me organizations that exemplify love, rather than news. I’m so much better for it. Some examples, in case you’re interested:

Upworthy. A subsidiary of Good Worldwide: A “B-corp social impact company with a global audience of over 150 million people. Since 2006 Good Worldwide has been on a mission to empower people and organizations to be a force for good, together.”
More Love Letters. Submit a request for snail mail love letters from around the world for your loved one having a hard time right now. Better yet, write them to someone else! 5 recipients chosen every month. You still have time to write to the November crew.
Elephant Journal. “We’re dedicated to sharing the good life beyond the choir, and to all those who didn’t yet know they give a care about living a good, fun life that’s good for others, and our planet. The mindful life is about yoga, organics, sustainability, conscious consumerism, enlightened education, the contemplative arts, adventure, bicycling, family…everything. But mostly it’s about this present moment, right here, right now, and how we can best be of benefit, and have a good time doing so.”
Charities. The Greater Chicago Food Depository. The Food Bank of the Rockies. So many groups doing good. If you don’t already have ones you love, study these three sites to find ones that align with your values and are legit.
Communities. In 2023, as I have written repeatedly, my romance novel and fitness communities have transformed my life. I honestly do not think I would/could have committed to writing a book without the support and love of these amazing folks. What communities do you love, and love you back?

How could we all do better?

Meet Unlove With Love. The more disciplined each of us can be about leading with love, the less we can be baited into heated argument, pointless debate, and mutual agitation and separation. People do not lash out when they are well. Name calling and dehumanizing in response to their negative behaviors helps nothing and nobody. Breathe deeply, bite thy tongue. Reverse that excellent mantra: Take no shit, and do no harm.

Play the Infinite Game. Showing love in your next encounter with a stranger will not solve the world’s problems. Doing it with every person you meet next year, and for the next ten or fifty years, will not itself bring about world peace. But if you and I do this, which then encourages those we meet to do it also, we can bet that we are not contributing to the world’s problems. This practice among others gives me inner peace, which allows me to keep playing, to stay in the game of making the world better, much longer than if I burn out from cynical exhaustion and pessimism.

Of these twenty posts so far, I feel the most lighthearted and uplifted writing about romance and love. Huh, fascinating. It’s about hope, I think. Deep emotional and psychological connection, bonds that we actively choose to cultivate and sustain–these things give my life the most meaning, purpose, and reward. How awesome.