Category Archives: gratitude

November 13:  Lightening Up Makes Me Better

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NaBloPoMo 2019

“Write without fear.  Edit without mercy.” —Unknown?

Hi, I’m Cathy, I’m a perfectionist.  I might be a control freak.  But I’m in recovery.

I kind of like that I proudly published a run-on post of a half-formed idea, then slashed it by one third and published it again.  It’s a fun paradox to inhabit pride and humility at the same time.

Other writers help.  I’ve written before about The Art of Possibility.  Phrases like, “How fascinating!” when I make a mistake make room for self-compassion and -forgiveness.   This attitude of good humor keeps me from wallowing in self-flagellation.  Because I am also accountable, I can learn and make amends more swiftly and earnestly.  The Zanders’ Rule #6: Don’t Take Yourself So Damn Seriously, is such an easy catch phrase to remember, and takes practice to live in real time.  I’m getting there!

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, full of vivid, joyful, and wondrous stories of human creativity, encourages me to take risks.  Make pretty things, she writes.  Don’t do it for us, don’t do it to help anyone.  Do it because you want to.  Your unique expression has a value all its own, so put it into the world.  Period.

Ozan says, “Do the verb”:

In many cases, we want to be the noun (a songwriter) without doing the verb (writing songs). We tell ourselves we’re going to be an entrepreneur, but we don’t build a product or service. We tell ourselves we’re going to be a novelist, but we don’t write a novel (instead, we tweet about writing a novel).

The key is to forget the noun and do the verb instead.

If you want to be a blogger, start blogging every week.

If you want to be a stand-up comedian, start doing stand-up comedy at open mike nights.

If you want to host a podcast, start podcasting.

…Doing the verb reorients you away from the outcome and toward the process. And if you plan to be a professional at anything, the process–the verb–is all that matters.

With these inspiring innovators’ help, I skip freely along on the path of writing, light on my feet.  When I trip on a rock and face plant next to some wildflowers and an earthworm, I can take off my glasses and stare a little longer from this new perspective.  I’ll likely find something to write about from it.  Sweet!

Even when I think an idea is fully formed, the act of writing expands it.  This week I have discovered deeper meaning in my stories, just by way of typing them.  More material to chew and spew, yay!

This is not brain surgery, writing a blog.  I’m not saving lives here!  But it is a challenge, a commitment, and sometimes a labor.  I hear my own voice consistently throughout almost 5 years of posts, and while my style is still consistent, I also see an evolution in the writing.  I’m gratified to continue the discipline, and taking it ever lightly definitely makes me better.

November 12:  Edits and Revisions MMB–Fierce Optimism 2.0

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NaBloPoMo 2019

24 hour learnings:

  1. Unfocused thoughts lead to unfocused writing
  2. I tend toward word vomit when I’m excited

Note:  Hereafter, I will use “MMB” as the abbreviation for “Make(s) Me Better” if the title gets too long.

My deepest gratitude to lovingly honest friends whose feedback on last night’s post inspired me to attempt it again!  Let’s see how this goes—

***

Last Saturday, as I prepared for the Better Angels workshop, I thought of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s inspirational words:  “The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.”  I have referred to this quote many times over the years, and a phrase that I often add goes something like, “Bend that arc!  Hang on it with all your might!”  Meaning the arc bends toward justice only because we make it so, by working tirelessly for it, by consistently walking our talk.

Preparing for the presentation, I thought about friends who express hopelessness at any possibility for connection between opposing political sides, that we can actually work together to get anything done.  Some might even say that the Better Angels mission is futile, a waste of energy and time.

Then I felt something akin to a tidal wave rise within me, and I texted a friend, “I intend to make today a day of fierce, infectious optimism.”  At that moment I knew my goal was to take every experience of kindness, connection, empathy, openness, generosity, magnanimity, conviction, and hope, and channel it to the workshop and its participants.  Because though it was to be a skills workshop, teaching a way of doing, what we really need are all of the qualities I just listed—they are the way of being that bring true meaning and connection to the skills.

Google Dictionary defines fierce:  “showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity”; and optimism: “hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something.”

Yes, and:

Fierce Optimism Is:

Urgency with Patience

All important social movements occur (and continue) over generations.  Confrontation and revolution are necessary sometimes, but they are not enough.  It’s consistent, slow, grass roots change on the local level that sustains progress.  Fierce optimism gives me faith that even the smallest actions I make in service of my cause have impact.  I can set realistic expectations for how much I can move this mountain today.  Pacing myself, practicing persistence with patience, conserves energy and prevents burnout.  I can feel empowered and liberated at the same time, confident in my individual agency.

Patient urgency also allows me to look up every once in a while, notice my surroundings, and adapt to subtle changes, like when someone starts to soften.  The bulldozer of impatient words and heavy dogma plows through the door of someone’s mind that might have swung open freely, had I taken a more gentle approach.

Strength with Flexibility

Fierce optimism roots itself in core values, and also allows for learning and adaptation.  It confers the confidence to challenge our own beliefs and values, perhaps reinforcing them, grounding us in and strengthening our own personal truth.  But this confidence also helps us hear others’ stories, which broadens our perspective.  Standing in our core values while reaching out in curiosity, we learn about each other, and curtains open on a vast landscape of understanding that we may never have imagined.

Bruce Lee’s life philosophy included a metaphor of the bamboo and the oak.  Both are admirably strong, but under intense forces of nature, the great oak may break irrevocably.  The bamboo bends; it maintains its integrity, standing straight and strong again after the storm.  Listening with openness and curiosity is not weakness.  Allowing for nuance and the possibility that my mind may be changed is strength.  It makes me calm, agile, adaptable, and more effective.

Conviction with Generosity

Our assumptions matter.  They show up in our presence.  Let us check our attitudes toward the ‘other’.  Assuming and speaking only to their presumed selfishness and malevolence, we make ourselves small.  We become exactly the narrow minded and prejudiced enemy we deride.  How ironic.  Now more than ever, we need generosity.  This encompasses empathy, vulnerability, sincerity, humility, and a willingness to allow the complete humanity of every person.  Extending this grace to others in no way undermines my own cause.  It opens my heart to attract allies from everywhere.  Conviction without generosity too easily becomes tyranny; I want no part of that.

Fierce optimism choreographs an intimate dance between agitation and peace.  It holds tension without anxiety, potential and kinetic energy.

When I live in Fierce Optimism, I can hang on that arc and bend it like a badass.

November 9:  Steady Pacing Makes Me Better

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NaBloPoMo 2019

*sigh*

I’m not a swimmer or a runner, but isn’t there something in these athletes’ training about breathing, pacing, and strategies for long distance endurance?   The last 22 days have felt like a physical, mental, and emotional marathon of sorts.  I’ll spare you the list of meetings, engagements, and tasks—you may have already read about them!  Looking back, I realize I have had to live every day in acute mindfulness, attending to whatever was right in front of me in the moment, including the unexpected.  Prioritizing was key, completing one task/event/conversation before moving onto the next.  I had to put my head down for some parts, come up for breath and a brief aerial view, then dive deep again.  Today I crossed a finish line, and I feel proud.

I started my journey with Better Angels in May of this year, at a skills workshop.  Since then I have attended two additional workshops, one that was featured on the Van Jones Show.  I committed to moderator training, and today I led my first skills workshop.  I had the honor of working with the three Wonder Women who ran the workshop back in May.  They prepared me so generously, so kindly, and I am forever grateful.

There was a hiccup, though.  When we initially arranged with the Wilmette Public Library for the event, we mistakenly told them the event would last two hours.  The workshop is designed to last 2.5 hours.  We could not change the website or registration, so we meticulously shaved 24 minutes from the schedule.  We warned participants of our impending heavy handedness on time, and dove in.  Mande and I set timers on our phones for each segment.  Mary Lynn gave me hand signals from the back of the room (though I did not always look or see).  I had the handy timeline that Sharon typed out for us all.  We ran ahead at times and behind at others, and ended right at 4:06pm, as planned.  We kept pace.  Engagement and discussion was lively, and attendees gave overwhelmingly positive feedback.  Many people stayed afterward to talk more, explore ways to get involved, and exchange information.  We were invited to present at other organizations.  Overall we felt it was a wild success.

Workshop timeline 11-9-19

Everything was a group effort these last three weeks. Each meeting, workshop, video call, or presentation, whether for the American College of Physicians, my clinical practice sites, or Better Angels, required a team of people, each with delegated and specified roles and task lists.  We all had to agree on timelines and deadlines.  Text, email, Zoom; more email and text—it felt like running through a Venn diagram of relay races, passing batons in and out of each circle as I crossed from one to another.  I had to pace myself, and also match the pace of others as I came alongside.

Having a calendar with everything written in one place definitely helped.  I keep a checklist of every task, no matter how small, and carry it with me everywhere.  Excellent hydration is key for optimal mental and physical performance—I’m always reminded when I forget.  Timely, frequent, and clear communication—need I say more?  All of these practices help me plan and maintain a steady pace, checking off the list, completing each day, each trip, each week, slowly, surely, and competently.

Now I can slow down, breathe deep, and tread more lightly for a little while.  Every athlete, even an amateur, requires rest and recovery between races.  Once again I dedicate this month of daily blogging—a quintessential practice in steady pacing—to all those who go before me, showing me how it’s done.  Thank you.