Category Archives: gratitude

100 Pregnancies

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Shane East, Instagram, January 28, 2025

“How many weeks to you think the average human lifespan has in it?” asked Shane East on Instagram, on January 28.

I did the ballpark math in my head as I listened to the rest of the reel, and it seemed about right, somewhere around 78 years, I thought. But to express it in weeks gave no perspective for me at the time. Years and decades are much more my speed.

Then, weeks (ha!) later, it occurred to me that pregnancy is measured in weeks, and expected to last 40. So in one of those ah-HA! shower moments, I realized that by the time we are born, we may already be 1% down the road to death. Huh. So if a pregnancy is 1% of an average human lifespan, then a whole lifespan is 100 pregnancies.

Suddenly 4000 weeks had a whole new meaning in terms of duration, potential, and load. What else do (or could) we do (or witness, or cause, or anything) 100 times in our life? How many puberties, summer camps, college degrees, PhDs, MDs, and residencies is 4000 weeks? How many relationships, sex partners, attempted and failed new experiences or jobs?

How else can we frame the length of an average human lifespan to shake our perspective and make different meaning? Why would we want to?

How does the length of your life, to date and pending, make sense to you?
How do you chunk it?

What is y/our relationship with death?

And as the wise Mary Oliver asked, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” (Shane has posted this question before, also. He is my people.)

Living toward death–it’s another fun paradox of reality that I love to ponder. And it always brings me back to, “Live in peace to die at peace.” Easier said than done, and I won’t know until the end if I can walk the talk.

Does it feel morbid or fatalistic? Not to me. Rather I feel mindful and realistic, present and optimistic. I get to choose what meaning I make out of 4000 weeks, 100 pregnancies, or however else I consider my time in this body, on this planet, at this time in history, whatever is happening at any time.

I have agency. These days, that may be the most important meaning I can embrace and express.

Invitation to Witness

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Thank you for sharing.

What a privilege to be allowed into your life, your world, the space and time you inhabit in your own unique way. I know not everybody is invited; please know I do not take it for granted.

Your experience is your own and I cannot truly or fully understand, perhaps. But I can imagine. I will always do my best to be present to and for you–your joys, accomplishments, discoveries, epiphanies, sorrows, pain, and suffering. I will do my best to monitor and mitigate my own judgments and projections, and simply hold the space with and for you.

While I imagine how I might feel in your shoes, I will try harder to imagine how you feel in your shoes, and attend to that. I will be sparing with my advice and generous with the validation, though I know I stumble at that sometimes.

This witnessing, when mutual and reciprocal, nourishes my soul in ways I can hardly articulate. We take turns and also do it simultaneously, depending on what’s happening. We’ve been through a lot, not necessarily together, but each with the other witnessing. It is an act of volition, something we do on purpose for each other and our friendship. I feel the strength and support in real time, and the realization of the profound importance and impact of your seeing me is only fully apparent in hindsight. Wow.

How would we live, how would the world feel, if we all considered ourselves reverent witnesses of one another’s lives? If we attended to our collective psyches and hearts as if we were all kindergarteners crossing the street hand in hand?

What if we all just cared about each other a little more overtly and intetionally in this witnessing way?

Connecting Through Fire

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Courtesy of Bryan Jorgensen, Las Vegas, NV, 2016

We each harbor a fire.
A glow. It’s deep, warm, bright, and constant.
It also resonates–has a wavelength and frequency of vibration–so it’s synaesthetic!

Does it carry or found our identity? Unclear.
Regardless, it’s there, it’s real, and it’s us.

When we connect meaningfully, be it with nature, other humans, music, or any other energy, I submit that it is from there, from that deep fire source.

And yet the layers–how many, how thick, how enmeshed, tangled, or loose–the coverings, the doors, blankets, and shields–applied, attracted, accumulated.

My wish is for us each and all to have easy access to that fire, to feel confidence in its reliable and constant presence and stability. It is the stable anchor that allows the boat of all experiences–autonomous and proactive, reactive and receptive–to withstand whatever comes with the security of attachment to place and belonging.
Moored to move. Rooted down to branch out.
Anchored to liberate: the longest, strongest leash.

The core furnace fire burns, emitting light and heat with purpose and contribution–and legacy.

My deepest and warmest thanks to the three friends who showed up to connect tonight. I see your fires, I feel their warmth and bask in their light, and you all make mine burn brighter, no question. That we could commune from across the country on screen, three of you having never met before, and forge what we did–just wow. This is connection. We get to co-create it wherever, whenever, however. We get to choose. Thank you.