Holding the Energies

Posted on November 7, 2024 by Catherine Cheng, MD

How fascinating.

How are we feeling today? Am I the only one who finds it hard to describe? That’s disconcerting, as I can usually find the exact words I want to express anything. I realized by this evening that it’s not just emotions I feel; it’s not just physical sensations. It’s energies, not just one but multiple. So let’s see if I can articulate any of it well enough that anyone can relate? Here we go:

Existential
Deep, at one’s core, relating to one’s existence altogether. Donald Trump’s rhetoric is one of dehumanization. He compares people who oppose him to animals, refers to humans as objects, receptacles for bullets and things to grab. He incites deep seated fears and resentment within and among myriad groups, which has erupted in sudden and severe violence enough times to make us all fear for our very lives. It’s fight or flight–survival threat alertness energy. It’s his energy–agitated and tense–that resonates with and amplifies the like in us all and divides us with the unmitigated force of the Colorado River if someone bombed the Hoover Dam. I wonder how high his supporters’ stress hormones were before he won, as he convinced so many that their lives as they know them would end lest he rise to power? I know mine is markedly higher now afterward. This is sympathetic stress in action–in both advocates and the resistance, for existentially divergent and convergent reasons–fear of one another.

Lymphatic
‘Pale, flabby, sluggish.’ Extruded fluid from body tissues collects in the lymphatic system and returns to circulation at the heart. But it does not flow in a steady, pulsatile rhythm like blood in vessels. It meanders, passing through various filters (lymph nodes, spleen) where the complex work of the immune system defends us against pathogens. It’s like a vast network of languid rivers and tributaries, dense with waters that can both sustain and harm us. I feel this energy today–slow, almost listless, though purposeful. It feels like a compensatory response to the agitation of existential threat, a forced slowing to maintain function and not run around chasing my tail in futile worry and catastrophization. It feels like a conserving energy, feeding a reserve for future deployment. I have wanted to defy it these few days, to rev and run. Now I think I will listen and heed.

Fierce
Oooh, but there is a rumble. That clarity and conviction I mentioned at the beginning of yesterday’s post smolders and growls in the deep of my soul. Very early yesterday I thought with Bring It energy, “Well SHIT, now I really have to walk this talk of connection across division and relational leadership.” Tonight, while that commitment strengthens, another familiar and recently dormant energy arises–that of advocacy. Solidarity, shoulder to shoulder, rising, force of nature, powerful energy. And let me be clear: It is power to, not power over. It is non-adversarial change agency energy, though its vector opposes another. Think matriarchal elephant moving felled tree trunk for the herd to pass, not charging bull rhino.

OH I’m so glad I embarked on this verbal exploration tonight! So tell me, does it speak to you? I’m curious how it lands on those who voted for him.

There is much to consider in the coming days, months, and years… generations. How will we harness, expend, and renew the energies that sustain us and our just causes? How will we conserve our energies for full mission propulsion, rather than wasting any on unnecessary and counterproductive friction? How can we marry humility, generosity, and kindness with fierceness, conviction, and intensity? This middle space of integration–the liminal margin where infinite possibility lives–this is where I intend to root down.

I Hold the Energies for Us that help us engage in accordance with our values, our strengths, our gifts, and our aspirations.

I Hold the Energies for Us that resist mutual alienation and destruction.

I Hold the Energies for Us that allow our best inner natures to emerge and shine, for the benefit and advancement of all.

That’s enough for now, my friends. May you know your own energies and how they serve you, tonight and going forward. See you here tomorrow.

Holding Gentleness

Posted on November 5, 2024 by Catherine Cheng, MD

“…A kinder, gentler nation.” –George HW Bush

President Bush the First came to my high school during his campaign for a second term in 1991. I got to speak on behalf of Students Against Driving Drunk (SADD–which I just learned is now Students Against Destructive Decisions) and sit next to him on stage. Decades later my classmate would tell me that the photo of that event which hung in the main office is actually a Getty Image. I’m convinced they put me in that chair so people could get a good view of him–he was at least a foot taller than me. He was also such a decent man. I so admired him, and Barbara, too–I read her memoir in college. I know there are many decent, kind, and gentle people all around. That is what I hold tonight, no matter what anybody says.

Clouds and rain glowered over Chicago today, though temps were still very mild for November. Other than the hour when I PR’d my bench press (6 reps, 80#, all me!) at Ethos this morning, my energy has felt dim and slow. These last couple days I wonder if I’m more anxious about the election than I realized. Huh. Good opportunity to practice some body scan meditation and breath work. As I write this, the usual states have shown their usual colors. I will post this and go to bed, and deal with it all tomorrow.

So how can we all cope with things in the morning and beyond?

Gently is the best word I can muster tonight.

My conservative friend in Alabama went to work the day after the election in 2016 [note: I have corrected this post. The prior version stated he voted for Trump in 2016; he did not]. He did not gloat. His colleague arrived in tears and he held her in a hug. I hope this kind of interaction happens all over the country, tomorrow and onward. Hugs. Gentleness in both triumph and grief. I hope we’ll eventually be able to say both, “See, it’s not as bad as some of us thought it would be,” and also, “Yeah, it’s not the utopia that some of us had assumed.” Because things are rarely all bad or all good like we imagine or expect. What we must do, however, is to admit these things to one another, honestly and humbly. And it’s only safe to do this if we are gentle with ourselves and others, both in person and in rhetoric.

Our threshholds for distress and self-care practices vary. Let us be patient with ourselves and one another. Some will withdraw and cocoon, others will need tighter, brighter connections and out loud processing. Yet more of us will react in new, unfamiliar ways. We will all benefit from one another’s soft words and touch, our respective strengths and generosity in complementary presentation. This is how we save ourselves from political and interpersonal toxicity.

A kinder, gentler world, indeed.
The more we believe it’s possible, the more we will act to make it so.

I Hold Gentleness for Us all, as we approach our shared future. Whatever it is, we will all suffer less if we can be more gentle with ourselves and our fellow humans.

Take a look at the Instagram panels below. Let us consider them for ourselves and in our like-minded groups. How can we set down the adversarial spikes toward others and take up the tools to rebuild our connections? Gently, gently, ever gently.

Holding FORtitude

Posted on November 4, 2024 by Catherine Cheng, MD

Doesn’t it feel like boarding up our windows for an oncoming hurricane?

It’s late. I’m tired. We’re all so tired. We have all done what we can to this point. Whether we have seen it as a fight, a war, a crusade, a mission, a tragedy, a comedy, a farse, an apocalypse or something else, it’s all about to climax–we think. But let’s consider a moment.

Will there be resolution of any kind by the time we go to bed Tuesday night? Very likely not. Even if the election result is clear, the road ahead looms treacherous either way. This is why I have committed to writing with the election in mind for the entire month–we will live in this morass for a long while yet, and we each/all get to decide how we will show up for our fellow citizens and humans. Will we participate in fomenting division and rage, or can we find another way to be and do?

*deep breath*

How will we get through? Can we be:

Mindful Intentional Thoughtful Humane Empathetic Compassionate Kind Generous ?

Tonight I implore us to frame our opinions, goals, aspirations etc around what we are for far ahead of what we are against. Constant rumination and speech around what we don’t want centers and amplifies just that. It keeps us stagnant and limits creativity, innovation, and collaboration. We can reframe “I’m against illegal immigration” into “I’m for justice and rule of law.” “I’m against family separation” can become “I’m for humane and merciful treatment of people fleeing violence.” We are far more likely to find shared values and goals around things we are for–because these are expressions of hope and aspiration. No surprise, we humans share these in common more than we admit in times of conflict. The both/all AND solutions emerge far more readily when we de-escalate from oncoming to coming alongside.

Here’s what I’m FOR:

Leaders of character and integrity

Holding elected officials accountable to their words and actions

Treating my fellow humans with respect, understanding, and kindness, regardless of their political leanings

Holding my fellow humans accountable for their words and behaviors toward me and others; low tolerance for ad hominem attacks and demeaning behavior of any kind

Government that is socially progressive and fiscally responsible and accountable

Patient-physician autonomy in medical decisions, especially women’s reproductive decisions

Non-violent, non-adversarial, mutually respectful political discourse

Transparency about conflicts of interest

Self-awareness, self-regulation, and effective communication at all levels of the electorate and elected/appointed officials

Learn. Practice. Train. Nothing will improve if we continue to cycle/spiral through futile interactions of emotional hijack and refusal to see one another’s points of view. We have so far and long yet to go, and it is up to each/all of us to heal the deep ruptures in our social fabric.

Please, for the love of us all, let us stay engaged. Rest when you must, know your limits, find your niche and make your contribution. Do it as humanely as you can–resist the urge to lash out, to offload your frustrations in hurtful ways. Find what upholds your patience, your forbearance, your steadfast perseverance, your courage–your fortitude–and immerse in these when you can. Look for the humanity in everyone around you, especially in those you may perceive as your ‘enemy’. The real enemies are cynicism, hopelessness, despair, and hatred. They are the hurricane.

The road is so long, so arduous. We trudge it together, like it or not.
Let us help one another onward, leaning and supporting in turn.

I Hold FORtitude for Us, individually and collectively.

Board our windows, and leave the porch lights on.