Category Archives: mindfulness

#AtoZChallenge: Questioning A to Z

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I love asking questions, the more open-ended the better!

So let’s have a little compounded alphabet fun:

 

Question your Asssumptions.  Allow for Alternate realities to the ones you Assume.

Question your Biases.  Broaden your perspective.

Question your Conclusions.  What other stories could you tell to suffer less in your Circumstances?

Question Dogma.  Whom does it benefit?

Question Everything—just to make sure you get it.

Question your Fear.  Understand its utility, then put it in its place and move on.

EGilbert letter to fear

From Elizabeth Gilbert’s Facebook page, March 11, 2016; an exerpt from her brilliant book, _Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear_

Question Generalizations.  Apply them to individuals with Great caution.

Question Hubris.  Where Hides it in you, and how does it Hinder your enlightenment?

Question Ideas.  Flesh them out, stoke them, cultivate them.

Question Jealousy.  What does it do for you?  How does it make you behave?

Question Knowledge.  What do we really “Know?”  Beware the arrogance of believing we can Know all.

Question Love.  Reassess, revitalize, rekindle, relinquish.  Probe it, because it evolves.

Question the Majority.  Have they really got it right?  Stand with the Minority when necessary, and Question them, too.

Question Nature.  Explore.  Dig.  Observe.  Learn.  Exalt!

Question Opacity.  What’s being hidden or withheld?  Why?

Question Perfection.  Is it really attainable, and what does it cost you to strive for it? Consider Perseverance as a healthier alternative Pursuit.

Question Quality.  What’s it worth to you?  What are you willing to settle for?

Question Resistance.  Have patience, get curious.  Before attempting to persuade, try to understand.

Question the Sages in your life.  Ask them to tell their stories.  There is always something to learn.

Question Time.  There is no substitute and it is finite.  Are you spending it wisely?

Question the Universe.  What has it to teach us?  In its vastness, what do we contribute?

Question Violence.  Where lies its inciting pain?  Can it be healed?  How can we prevent it?

Question Wealth.  Do you have it where it matters?

Question Xenophobia.  Always.

Question Yesterday.  What moved you? Surprised you? Taught you?

Question the Zeitgeist.  What does it tell us about our life and times?  Do we  need to change course?

 

What, how, when, why, and whom do you Question?

#AtoZChallenge: Presence and My iPhone: A Poem

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IMG_0313In this Post-Post-Paleo Parenting Period

The Prevalence of devices Purturbs me

iPhones, iPads, their Pervasive disruptions

Of Personal interactions and attention

 

Even as I Persevere to Prevent myself

From Peering at the screen

I lose Precious time with my Progeny

Whenever I look away from them toward the Phone

 

Away from the Petite and Precocious Mei

Away from the Pensive and Pragmatic “Guh” (older brother)

They are mostly Patient

Sometimes Peeved

 

They deserve more than a Perfunctory Parent

They are Primary

They require my full Presence

 

I hereby Proclaim and Profess

To Practice Purposeful Pauses and

Curb my Propensity for screen-Peeping

 

This is my Parental Pledge

 

So Please, my Peers, be also my Patrons

Pass not your judgment

But Provide your Pardon

And Partner with me on this journey

As we all Proceed to Pattern

For our children

The People we wish for them to be

 

#AtoZChallenge: Never and Now

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Fire swamp

Photo found at http://www.cinemablend.com/images/reviews/6079/main.jpg

Scampering into the Fire Swamp to escape Prince Humperdink and his cronies…

Buttercup: “We’ll Never survive.”

Westley: “Nonsense. You’re only saying Never because no one ever has.”

 

“I will Never pay more than $___ for a house.”

“I will Never be able to swing a 14kg kettlebell without hurting myself.”

“I will Never get through all 12 weeks of this TRX Force program.”

“I Never thought it would turn out this way.”

As we all know (“’to blave’ means to bluff…” and holy cow, if you don’t know, please stop reading this instant and watch The Princess Bride!), Westley and Buttercup make it through the Fire Swamp, albeit with a few bumps and bruises.  Despite Buttercup’s grim forecast, Westley leads her one step at a time: past the Flame Spurts, out of the lightning Sands, and in spite of the ROUSs, or Rodents Of Unusual Size.  Having believed him dead, then being rescued by him from a trio of bandits, tumbling down a mountainside after him, and following him through the Swamp, Buttercup learns a critical lesson in overcoming passivity and nihilism.  Okay maybe that’s a stretch, but whatever, this is my post.

We all have our Nevers. The ones above are just a few of mine.  I spent more than I ever planned on my house and regret nothing.  I can wing a 14kg kettlebell with confidence—I rather kick ass, if I do say so myself.  I Never could have predicted my life looking this way—the good, the bad, the gorgeous, the ugly—and yet here I am.  And it is, really, mostly good (as opposed to “mostly dead”).  I’m starting to see possibility around the TRX thing, but I still think, I’ll believe it when I see it.  No, actually, I look forward to it.  On any given day of the program so far, I have thought, No.Way. It wants me to do what?  I try anyway, just to see how far I will get, and lo, turns out I actually get through.  So who knows what I can really do?

What helps us overcome our Nevers? In Buttercup’s case it was clearly Westley’s courage and love.  For me, the kettlebells, and the TRX, it’s Melissa, my trainer.  She has completed the program herself, she knows what’s required, and she knows what I can do—better than I know myself.  As for the rest of my life, well, it’s everybody else—my family, friends, colleagues, mentors, patients, et al.  I’ve said and written it ad nauseam—it’s my relationships that hold me up and save me.  I have very few Nevers anymore, because I’m surrounded by people who give me the courage to try.

And, there is another important practice to overcoming the Nevers: Mindfulness, the practice of the Now.  Never is about the future or the past.  Often it’s a shadowy, catastrophizing perspective of things.  But we cannot predict the future, despite our arrogant human certainty.  And we cannot live every day to come based solely on what has already happened or not happened.  Circumstances and attitudes change.  Landscapes change—at times literally, and in an instant.  We evolve, we learn, we grow.  How can we be so sure that Never is real?

Mindfulness teaches us to redirect our attention to what actually is.  It invites us to let go of what and how we think things should be, or will be, or were.  We don’t have to like it, and we also need to be comfortable with, or at least accepting of, our dislikes.  When we practice mindfulness, we slow down.  We see and think more clearly.  Anxiety and depression loosen their vice grips on us.  Mindfulness liberates us from the constraints of Never.

We are better off thinking, speaking, and acting in the Now. It is the mindset of agency.  This is what I know Now.  This is what I can promise you Now.  My sincerity is real Now, and I ask you to trust me.  I will keep my eyes and ears open to the new Nows; I will roll with the punches.  Westley makes no guarantees.  He simply forges ahead with conviction, bringing with him all (and only) the knowledge, skills, and wit he has acquired until this moment, when he realizes the only way out of the Fire Swamp is through.  He is present to the swamp’s dangers, and also to the potential tools available to him in this harsh environment.  He has no idea what will happen, whether they will actually survive.  He only refuses to accept the Never, and focuses like a laser on the Now.

There may be some things to which we can truly apply the word Never. I think we need to reserve it for the truly deserving statements, and leave the rest of our minds open to possibilities and growth.

Still, most of me thinks I will Never try bungee jumping…