Love notes for Solidarity

Posted on November 20, 2025 by Catherine Cheng, MD

“Quiet, piggy.”

It makes me seethe.

Friend pointed me to Andy Borowitz’s Facebook post (11/18/2025) where he shares the transcript of Katie Johnson’s (pseudonym) testimony for a lawsuit she brought against Donald Trump in 2016 for allegedly raping her when she was 13. This led me to Borowitz’s Substack post in which he interviews Kate Manne and discusses the allegations, the media’s tepid response, and the implications of both. Manne states, “Is this proof beyond a reasonable doubt? No. Is this something which we can be absolutely confident happened? I don’t think so. But those are legal standards, not moral ones, and they’re not epistemic ones either. Can we say, if we’re assessing the evidence soberly, that what she says is credible, and can I say I believe her? Absolutely.”

I shared Tanya Eby’s Facebook post (11/19/2025) with my own caption, “Fuck. Yes. I am Piggy. Hear me fucking ROAR” in response to her call, “For every woman out there, for anyone who has ever been abused, for every reporter who is trying to tell the truth, this is the time to embrace your own inner Miss Piggy and speak the truth out loud. Stay centered. Stay rooted. Ask the questions. Embrace your marvelous.”

Harry Shannon posted this on his Instagram page (11/19/2025): “Women reporters will ask Trump difficult questions and suffer his insults while the men in the room look like timid little puppies afraid to upset their master. Are there no men in Washington?” The last sentence landed sideways on me. I understand where it comes from, and it further reinforces our cultural gender dichotomy. Trump’s misogyny and our culture’s tolerance of it is intrinsic by now. And it’s up to all of us, not just men or women, to stand up to it. We are human, and none of us should tolerate for any of us to be treated this way, or for the ‘leader’ of the free world to set such a toxic example.

I could write a dozen Love Notes for Anger. Anger can be an appropriate and healthy response to violations of our core values. But it’s not the vibration I want to emit tonight. What we do with our rage is what matters. And right now the best thing I can think of is to express (and then act productively on) my solidarity with our shared humanity. Whenever I make statements like this I think of Donald Trump, and challenge myself to include him, the most despicable human I can think of right now, in my calls for compassion, kindness, empathy, generosity, etc. 99.5% of me has lost all hope for reconciling his character, and I also believe in miracles. So until we witness divine intervention or something akin, I choose to direct my time, energy, and resources toward the light, like that scene in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince when Dumbledore dies and folks at Hogwarts aim their lit wands to the sky to dissipate the Dark Lord’s black cloud.

We Are Piggy. We’ Got This:

You are worthy of dignity and respect just by virtue of your existence. May I train the fortitude to remind those who deny you this.

2. The defender of humaneness in me calls to the defender of humaneness in you. May we march forward, protecting HUMANITY.

3. I see you. Your humanity is my humanity. May I never forget, and stand up for you when you need me.

4. The first challenger gets dismissed. May the rest of us step up, shoulder to shoulder, and brave the backlash–TOGETHER. Our strength is synergistic.

5. When we see someone’s humanity attacked, may we not only not participate, but may we find the courage to counter. Resist firmly and non-adversarially. We can do it.

6. My Why is connection. My Just Cause is healing relationships and maximizing the greater good through mutual respect. How can we work together this way?

7. Hurt people hurt people, as they say. Wow, LOTS of hurt people walking around now. May you heal your hurt and turn the tide around in your little corner. I hold you up.

8. May your inner Miss Piggy shine. Never let anyone diminish your awesomeness. Own your strength and toss that hair like a queen.

9. We may think love makes us weak and vulnerable. But what greater force is there to drive sacrifice and sustained advocacy? Stoke the love. Stand strong.

10. How do you need me to show up for you? May I do it bravely, lovingly, and with conviction.

11. I know I take my privilege for granted. Your struggles affect me, even if I don’t see it. May I work for your freedom from the worst of our culture.

12. When I witness abuse, may I be a brave upstander and may you join me, leading others to follow.

These turned out better than I anticipated. The call to unity is strong. Let us answer in kind.

Love Notes for Bridging Difference

Posted on November 19, 2025 by Catherine Cheng, MD

The PA student wellness talk went great! 42 or so junior colleagues engaged with me and my badly designed PowerPoint for ninety minutes and I had the BEST time! I realized this morning that for the youngest of them (about half the class), the pandemic hit during high school and the beginning of college. It reminds me of The Fourth Turning and how significantly the intersection of phase of life with momentous human events influences our world views. This summer I was challenged to address the impact of generational differences on organizational culture in a corporate wellness talk, and I started to see age and generation as another form of diversity.

“Respect and challenge the hierarchy,” occurred to me for students this year. We elders (some very elder indeed) still run things, and our experience and wisdom matter. We also have much to learn from our juniors, from their fresh and diverse perspectives. If we can all lead, from any chair, by humble and confident example, our professional culture will progress toward stronger inclusiveness and mutual respect.

I continue to seek conversation and connection with both conservative and progressive friends around politics. But I want to go deeper than news headlines and the loudest arguments. I want to know what core goals and values we share, to start walking together to see where our paths diverge. Where are our shared destinations, and why do you choose 90/94 while I choose Lake Shore Drive? What are the dis/advantages of each, what are the trade-offs?

I am really starting to miss more long form posting here, how fascinating! We are 60% through this daily blogging challenge. Many thanks to all who have followed along (Hi Mick and Donna!), and welcome to any new friends! Now let’s see how much love we can find across difference:

Keep your antennae tuned for those who would divide us to serve their own purposes. This is NOT our better nature. Resist them and stay connected!

2. You and I disagree on this today. That may not necessarily be the case in the future. We can keep our minds open to change, without shame or judgement.

3. You don’t believe everything I believe. But let us not let that stop us from staying curious and connecting anyway. May we see light in each other no matter what.

4. The holidays can challenge our patience and resilience to triggers. *deep breath* May we stand firmly in love and ties of respect and shared history to get us through gratefully.

5. Our biases come honestly or not, we inherit many and form others organically. It’s a human thing. But let us hold them loosely and let them go to connect to one another.

6. Today and all days, may our differences feel softer, less threatening, and approachable with openness, light, and optimism for connection.

7. How wonderfully diverse we all are! How boring the world would be if we were all the same! May we appreciate and celebrate every spectrum!

8. To my friends who vote differently and sit with me over a meal or coffee to discuss–thank you. Our persistent and resilient connection gives me hope for our future.

9. I love you because we share important things in common. And the places where we differ teach me, make me better. Because of our love.

10. One deep breath can be the difference between a connecting moment and a destructive one. Let our breath give us the space to make the connecting choice.

11. Humility Curiosity Empathy Kindness Generosity — Is there any theme of love note NOT founded on these?

12. These fun music mash-ups like AC/DC-BeeGees — If we can so easily and artfullly blend divergent melodic creations, why not try with our policy ideas? We are a creative species, no?

Oh, I like this set, friends. Onward to 30!

Love Notes for Remembrance

Posted on November 16, 2025 by Catherine Cheng, MD

May her memory be a blessing.

Today I attended the funeral and life celebration of Mary Deeley, friend of decades, teacher, preacher, and leader of the Sheil Catholic Center community at my alma mater, Northwestern University. Funny, and I think a little divine, that I wrote notes for reunion two nights ago. Father Ken Simpson celebrated the mass today, and I felt at home, seeing so many familiar faces from decades of relationship. Mary’s spouse spoke with love and humor, just as I imagine Mary would have wanted. It was a whirlwind day of smiles, hugs (so many hugs, it was awesome), and memories. What a lovely reminder for what’s important in life (our relationships) and how to spend the finite time and attention we are given (not much at all, and duh, on relationships).

Let’s see if I can do the feelings justice:

Your memory is indeed a blessing. What a beautiful expression. We miss your bodily presence terribly, and we know you are always with us.

2. When we remember those who have passed, may we honor their legacy of love and impact on us by paying it all forward as best we can. 🙂

3. Long before any of us pass, may we share our fondest remembrances of each other. Why wait until the end? Recall and rejoice today!

4. May we honor and respect past versions of ourselves that had to go. They served us until they didn’t and it’s OK to mourn them and keep living.

5. When I come across something that reminds me of you, I try always to mark it somehow. So the cosmos knows about you and how you still matter.

6. “You know, the death rate from life is 100%.” –My very wise patient. We can choose to create the memories worth recalling by living as intentionally as possible now. In love.

7. If/when I lose my memory, I hope the cosmos will let me keep the love above all else. When I see your face, that’s all I need to remember about us.

8. Let us welcome the memories that bring tears. They signal deep connection and remind us of what we share. They make us human. Welcome welcome welcome.

9. First I thought about grief Then about loss. But remembrance is now my preferred frame. It feels more connecting to the love somehow.

10. When that stab of sudden and intense remembrance strikes, may we slow a step, take a breath, and allow it. It’s transient and a blessing through the ether.