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What Books Next?

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Books on my work surface this week

Friends! What’s on your bookshelf/nightstand/desk to read these days?

I am a creature of serial obsessions. I nurtured Sven to one year of life; the sourdough starter microbes are now well established and able to survive unattended for prolonged periods in the fridge. Bread baking/experimenting was great therapy, and now I’m ready to move on.

Similarly, I feel my romance novel binge tapering soon. I’ve devoured 56 audiobooks in 2 months, which is quite remarkable, no? What a fun diversion! Now I’m ready to stimulate my book brain in the usual way again. The library has grown exponentially and I’m undecided in what order to consume my volumes. Maybe you can help?

Have you read any of the books in the photo? Below I’ll share some articles I’ve read lately, and a list of books I’m considering over the winter break. If you’re familiar and/or have any comments/recommendations about these or anything that comes to mind, please share generously! Thank you in advance!

Articles

Indra’s Net — Recommended in the comments of a past post by friend Diane. A densely concise and intriguing validation of the interconnectedness of the universe, referencing The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot and Hua-Yen Buddhism by Francis H. Cook.

Translating the Untranslatable, NPR — found while researching for the Grief Bacon post, which references In Other Words by linguist Christopher J Moore. Also check out this article, 23 Untranslatable Words to Help You Work Smarter. The words are mostly Scandanavian and Japanese, and I like almost all of them.

How I Learned the Art of Seduction — NYT essay by author and writing teacher Melissa Febos–hightly recommend! She describes first hand experience with sexism, misogyny, and capitalism through work in restaurants and as a professional dominatrix.

One Foot in the Present, One Foot in the Past: Understanding EMDR — NYT; an introduction to a relatively new therapy modality that has already helped many vetarans with PTSD. This, along with re-emerging evidence for the benefits of psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy (psilocybin, MDMA), makes me so hopeful that the people whose trauma has as yet exceeded the power of conventional therapies may soon have reliable access to effective remedies to ease their suffering. I have already binged Michael Pollan‘s How to Change Your Mind and This Is Your Mind On Plants, and watched the 4-part Netflix series at least twice.

What Unites Buddhism and Psychotherapy? — NYT book review of The Zen of Therapy by Mark Epstein, due out in January, 2023. “He seeks to uncover the fundamental wisdom both worldviews share, and to show, as a practical matter, how it might help us wriggle free from the places we get stuck on the road to fulfillment.”

Mental Health Should Be Available For All, Not a Luxury — Scientific American. An excellent treatise on the crisis and models of effective care.

Books

Yes, And… Daily Meditations, Richard Rohr

Golden: The Power of Silence in a World of Noise, Justin Zom

Chaos: Making a New Science, James Gleick

The Opposite of Woe: My Life in Beer and Politics, John Hickenlooper

Madly, Deeply: The Diaries of Alan Rickman, Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson

How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain, Lisa Feldman Barrett

Upstream: The Quest to Solve Problems Before They Happen, Dan Heath

What If? Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions, Randall Munroe

The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times, Michelle Obama

We Should All Listen to Romance Novels

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[Note: this post discusses only binary, cis-gender, heterosexual romance, as that is the genre I currently consume.]

Buckle up, friends, we are taking a ride!!

Okay so never in a million years would I have guessed or predicted that I would binge romance audiobooks, and yet here I am. I have finished 46 books in 8 weeks–omg that’s almost one a day, holy cow! And that does not count the ones I have repeated!

Every year I have a brief period when I get a little tired of intellectual non-fiction. Here in 2022 it happened about 3/4 of the way through A Republic, If You Can Keep It by Neil Gorsuch. I finished eventually, and highly recommend it–he reads it himself; you can kind of space out during the pedantic parts, and still get to know him (a little) and his jurisprudence (at least a little). I especially recommend it for my progressive friends; but that is for another post.

During these cerebral time-outs, I scroll around on my Audible account for fun books included in my membership. For whatever reason, The Fix-Up by Kendall Ryan caught my interest this time, and it all started there. “Every reader deserves a hot hero and a happy ending,” her website says. Hallelujah, I say!

One of my favorites, and my first recommendation to many friends–great reviews so far!
And Blakely’s novels are generally lighthearted and fun!

Around book #4 my book club met. I debated whether I should tell my new friends what I was doing (how fascinating)–I, the fiction shunner. Then, cosmically, one of them started talking about how she skips over the sexy parts in romance novels she reads, clearing the path for me to share–openly–because I most definitely do not skip the sexy parts! That night I learned a few things: 1. All of my book club friends have enjoyed romance novels; 2. A novel cannot be shelved as romance unless the ending is indeed ‘happy’; 3. There are ‘closed door’ romances, wherein sexual activity is implied, and ‘open door’ ones, which describe it all in detail (my books’ doors swing wide open). Since then, sharing with more and more friends, I have also learned: 4. Romance may be the best-selling book genre; 5. Almost all of my women friends have read them, but we don’t talk about it (still fascinating!); 6. Almost none of my friends can name any cis-het romances written by cis-het men; and 7. None of us know any such men who have read or would read romance.

“Brain Candy.” That’s how one of my friends describes it. It’s pure entertainment, total vicarious escapism. I agree! That’s why we seek it, no? How better and farther to get away from the mundane and stressful grind of responsible, daily adult life? That’s definitely what I wanted.

Finished all but Book 8; highly recommend–short, fun books that don’t take themselves too seriously.

It’s all so predictable and formulaic, which I love, because I can just relax and enjoy. The stories all follow roughly the same arc: Immediate attraction. Some obvious, primary barrier to togetherness (distance, prior relationship wounds, age gap, coworkers, some other made up reason). Supportive friends and family who “knew all along you two were meant for each other, duh.” By about 20-30 minutes left you’re home free, no more conflict, just happy ever after. I had never heard the word kismet before now, and it comes up everywhere in this genre. And there is an entire romance novel language–for body parts, sex acts, desire in all its forms! The best books hook you right away with witty banter, engaging premise, or just hot sex. My favorites have smart, sassy, free-spirited heroines, lots of cheeky dialogue, and fun plot twists.

All of these books are stand alone novels, and it’s also fun to read them in series. I loved this set, too.

These books have really refreshed my outlook on life and relationships–that was a total surprise! They remind me what it was like to be in love–that optimistic, impetuous, idealistic promise of a bright future, that whatever comes, we can face it together. It’s us against the world, baby! At book #29 I journaled notes for this post: “…stories that remind us of how we all want/long to love and be loved.” These 8 weeks of romance consumption have, remarkably, cracked the mortar of my cynical emotional turrets, and loosened some heavy armor I did not realize I had accumulated. Yahoooo!

Working my way through these (listening first to all of the ones read by Shane East).

I have shared these epiphanies with two male friends–dear brothers on the thoughtful, relational, self-reflective journey of life. They were so supportive and loving, listening as I marveled and waved my hands. Their eyes widened along with mine when we asked ourselves, what would it take for men to also be able to enjoy these fun, erotic stories that get us women so (energized), and then be able to share about it safely [insert gobsmacked emoji here]?

Because here is what I think makes these novels so important, and why we should all consume them (I highly recommend listening, especially if they are read by Shane East):

Contemporary romance novels celebrate and validate, unequivocally and unapologetically, two things that our culture and society insidiously shame us for:

Women’s libido and erotic sexual desires

Men’s intrinsic need for deep emotional connection

They do this by writing from both partners’ perspectives, describing their honest emotions, inner conflicts, self-delusions, and fears. But since these books are mostly written by women and consumed by women (as far as I know–to my cis-het male readers–do you read [write!?] romance?), I wonder if the male characters I read resonate with men who read them? Hence my query for romance novels written and/or consumed by men…

And they exist, hooooraaaaaaayy!

Turns out, authors Leigh Greenwood, Jessica Blair, Emma Darcy and others are men writing under female pen names (huh–more to unpack there, eh?). Now I have to get my hands on their books–will I relate to their female characters? Many have also pointed me to Nicholas Sparks, so he’s on my list, too. And guys, there’s even an article that lists 7 romance novels to gently set you and your gender on the romance path! “The best thing about romance is that love is for everyone!” it proclaims, and I wholeheartedly agree! What will it take for you to dip (or dive) in? What’s the best thing that could happen?

So there you have it, my unexpected, uncharacteristic (or not?), utterly awesome and ongoing journey into romance audio novels. I’ve never consumed this many books in one year in my life, by a long shot, and I could not possibly be happier about it. Not sure when I’ll get back to the other stuff… (she smirks)