More Love Letters | Healing Through Connection

AIYAH LOVE!! *sigh* Let’s see, romance, presence, leadership, accountability, integrity, forgiveness, self-compassion, relationships–the majority of my topics this month overlap deeply with love. And of all the practices I address these thirty days, is there any more important? What are we humans without love? The word is overused, perhaps, and yet every time I hear or say it, I can still choose to ascribe the deepest meaning, thereby reminding myself how it guides me, makes me better, helps me be the person I want to be.

How do I love well already?
–I’m pretty full of it–love, I mean–and it exudes. In some circumstances I am much more reserved about expressing, and even then I’m always looking for opportunities and maximizing within existing constraints. And I’m getting more expressive with age. As life gets shorter, I feel more urgency for those I love to know and feel it unequivocally.
–I relish and amplify the love I see, hear, and feel around me. I endorse fluidity between platonic, romantic, sexual, intellectual, spiritual, and other manifestations of love. Love, in my opinion, is bigger than our rational minds can comprehend or define (though our efforts to do so reward and connect us!), thus I am open to any and all of its authentic manifestations.

How could I do it better?
–I don’t always hold love first and in front in dealing with people. It’s easy with people I like and when circumstances are easy. I’m getting better with people I dislike, and when times are hard.
–I can make mindful love, both inward and outward, a more formal practice and discipline. Just like a parent can only be as happy as their saddest child, I bet we can only show up as loving to others as we do to ourselves.

How does society love well?

Examples Abound. Considering what a sh*tshow the world is right now, we could not be blamed for thinking there is no love anywhere anymore, or if there is, it’s overtaken by anger, hate, and violence. But I bet you could name at least five examples of visible and palpable love in your own life right now. So what is up with that? How can we be loving between family and friends, and also dehumanizing and utterly toxic in other contexts? Just think if we all gave one another, individuals and groups alike, a little benefit of the doubt, made more generous assumptions, and really tried to walk in other people’s shoes? It’s simple in theory, very difficult in practice, and well worth the effort, I think.
My media feed shows me organizations that exemplify love, rather than news. I’m so much better for it. Some examples, in case you’re interested:

Upworthy. A subsidiary of Good Worldwide: A “B-corp social impact company with a global audience of over 150 million people. Since 2006 Good Worldwide has been on a mission to empower people and organizations to be a force for good, together.”
More Love Letters. Submit a request for snail mail love letters from around the world for your loved one having a hard time right now. Better yet, write them to someone else! 5 recipients chosen every month. You still have time to write to the November crew.
Elephant Journal. “We’re dedicated to sharing the good life beyond the choir, and to all those who didn’t yet know they give a care about living a good, fun life that’s good for others, and our planet. The mindful life is about yoga, organics, sustainability, conscious consumerism, enlightened education, the contemplative arts, adventure, bicycling, family…everything. But mostly it’s about this present moment, right here, right now, and how we can best be of benefit, and have a good time doing so.”
Charities. The Greater Chicago Food Depository. The Food Bank of the Rockies. So many groups doing good. If you don’t already have ones you love, study these three sites to find ones that align with your values and are legit.
Communities. In 2023, as I have written repeatedly, my romance novel and fitness communities have transformed my life. I honestly do not think I would/could have committed to writing a book without the support and love of these amazing folks. What communities do you love, and love you back?

How could we all do better?

Meet Unlove With Love. The more disciplined each of us can be about leading with love, the less we can be baited into heated argument, pointless debate, and mutual agitation and separation. People do not lash out when they are well. Name calling and dehumanizing in response to their negative behaviors helps nothing and nobody. Breathe deeply, bite thy tongue. Reverse that excellent mantra: Take no shit, and do no harm.

Play the Infinite Game. Showing love in your next encounter with a stranger will not solve the world’s problems. Doing it with every person you meet next year, and for the next ten or fifty years, will not itself bring about world peace. But if you and I do this, which then encourages those we meet to do it also, we can bet that we are not contributing to the world’s problems. This practice among others gives me inner peace, which allows me to keep playing, to stay in the game of making the world better, much longer than if I burn out from cynical exhaustion and pessimism.

Of these twenty posts so far, I feel the most lighthearted and uplifted writing about romance and love. Huh, fascinating. It’s about hope, I think. Deep emotional and psychological connection, bonds that we actively choose to cultivate and sustain–these things give my life the most meaning, purpose, and reward. How awesome.

Taking a break from COVID, racism, equity and other heavy things this week, my friends. It’s too much, what with RBG’s recurrent metastatic cancer and John Lewis’s death. I’ve been glued to my phone and computers all week, reading, digesting, observing, integrating, posting, connecting and conversing. I had at least three important ideas for the blog, and they all need to marinate longer.

But I still had to write! I owe letters to three friends, and they can wait. What needed doing tonight were five love letters to strangers.

Sometime this spring, while sheltering at home, I discovered More Love Letters. Their mission is simple:

Deliver hand written letters to people who could use some extra love via snail mail.

People submit nominations for letter recipients, and every month the MLL team selects five to post. Each recipient’s nominator writes a heartfelt request, and supplies an address. Letters are requested to be postmarked by the last day of the month (but I bet they’d take some tardy ones, because they are sent with love?). Tonight I wrote my second ever set of love letters, on washi tape stationery, of course. I may have more cards and tape than I will use in my lifetime, so I’m more than happy to share! Maybe next month I will include a blank card and envelope as a gift for the recipient to pass along—I’ll even put a stamp on it!

In this time of tumult and conflict, of heaviness and stress, reaching out to offer some light to others heals me. They will not know who I am (well, unless they happen to read this post, I guess), and I will not get a card back in reply. I get to write some encouraging words that might brighten someone’s day. But I do it for myself as much as for them.

Maybe you could use a mutual pick-me-up, too? Each one took less than five minutes. The words came easily, organically, and happily. “Holding you in light,” “Sending love and support,” “Wishing you everything you need in this crazy time.” Easy peasy, written sincerely–it feels so good. You don’t have to write to all five nominees—do what moves you. Maybe you’ll be inspired to also drop a note to your best friend, your colleague who’s challenged, or someone who recently crossed your mind, who’d probably love to know you were thinking of them.

Now is exactly the time to connect, don’t you think?

Oh and I have no financial or other interests in this organization. I just love that they encourage connection and snail mail, two of my favorite things.