Hello friends! How was your weekend? I feel positively *stimulated* and I revel in it. A little giddy, a lot joyous, a ton connected. …Sometimes I wish for a better word than ‘connected.’ Tied? Bonded? Entwined? Hmm…will keep thinking on it.
Lots of questions on my mind tonight about opinions. Let’s see where this goes, eh?
Thinking about people who express opinions often and loudly. Rather than describing them as “opinionated,” which sounds judgmental and negative, I want to say they “hold strong opinions.” But are these the same thing? I think not. What do you think? What is the difference; (why) does it matter? Mostly I wonder what moves someone to be loud and fast with an opinion.
Is loud the same as strong? If not, what does loud correlate with? Reactivity? Agitation? Judgment? Sensitivity? What else? When and where do we get loud about our opinions? What is the context? What is the pattern? What is the effect or consequence?
What makes an opinion strong, by nature/definition? Does it have to do with generalizability? Universality? Salience?
What are my strong opinions? How do I hold them? How do I project/apply/fling them? How else do I handle/manage them? How does this affect my relationships, with self, with others, and between others who know me? I have a feeling they’re all emotional in origin… so best to be aware of this and acknowledge any and all rationalizations—understand and accept them as such, manage them. Then understand the same possibility in/for others. This softens both my own opinions in general, and also my opinions about others’ opinions.
How do others know what my strong opinions are? How does this affect our relationships?
The older I get, the more I feel ok to have no opinion on many things, and mixed feelings, partial opinions, incomplete thoughts, and vague ideas on many others. The greatest benefit of this is that I can enter and exit any conversation with minimal attachments and maximal learning. Staying open and slow in my opinion formation helps me interact with information and people with ease. It facilitates connection and understanding, fosters learning. The longer I have no or only a loose opinion, the longer it remains so, until it’s not, and then I can commit and stake a claim with confidence and conviction. Things stay interesting after that, too! I have acquired engagement skills in discussion and debate to emerge from those encounters also better for having had them. It’s especially rewarding when relationship is strengthened through disagreement, which often happens when strong opposing opinions meet, no? These days I feel excitement and anticipation, rather than fear and loathing, at this prospect.
Honesty matters in here somewhere. It’s important to distinguish between opinion and fact, fact and truth… No matter how much I wish for my opinion to be a true fact, in the end I must admit that it is only my opinion…or my belief, which is probably an entirely separate and intertwined concept? Religion comes to mind… must tread carefully, repsectfully here. Who are our role models for this? I personally love Father James Martin, SJ.
Integrity and core values… Conviction. Consistency. All in service of relationship.
End goal: Live in peace in order to die at peace. How do my strong opinions matter here? I think it’s about assesing them often, holding myself accountable to my core values of honesty, integrity, openness, kindness, and connection. How do my opinions, strong or otherwise, help me show up to make my best contribution to those around me? How can I hold opinions, beliefs, convictions, etc. that will help me have the fewest possible regrets at the end of my life?
Sometimes there are too many questions to tackle or answer in a single blog post. They are always worth asking and documenting, though. After almost nine years of blogging, I have learned that the best questions come around again and again, and even if I don’t answer them, per se, thinking and writing through them makes me better. Thanks for coming along!
Healing Through Connection 