Category Archives: culture

Keeping In Touch

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

How have you maintained and nurtured your ties this year? 

As the days get shorter and colder, I feel the annual personal regression set in.  In 2020, this carries new and important implications.  The busier I get, the more I value quiet and solitude.  But my soul sings in connection—broad, frequent, and deep.

Since March I count at least six new, recurring engagements with friends and family, occurring over phone, Zoom, and snail mail.  They have all held me up and calmed me down through tumult.  And they all occurred organically—all of us seeking comfort, connection, and meaning through the chaos and morass.  All signs point to these as my social and emotional beacons through the coming winter.  What will your beacons be?

At work, this year has tested our teams.  Even the most resilient ones have strained under the stress of complex and prolonged uncertainty.  Though we returned to work in June, we are still not together like before.  We’ve had to find new ways to stay connected, including weekly video calls and now the possibility of daily, one-song, video dance parties.  I see more clearly now where I can connect more regularly one on one, and how individuals may need me to show up in different ways.  I would have told you for many years now that I understand this concept; today I feel at least one step closer to living it for real.

Relationships are already hard.  Cultivating and sustaining healthy ones in the midst of crisis, in an increasingly Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous (VUCA) world, takes extra attention and effort.  I must constantly attune and retune. 

Every encounter is an opportunity to try; it makes me better, and I’m grateful.

Up and Accountable, You Hold Me

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

What if Yoda sang love songs?  Does it not brighten your day just thinking about it?

Who holds you up?  Who holds you accountable?  Do they do it with love?  If you’re lucky like me and the same people do all three, you possess a rare gift.  I learned this again today and the realization sustained me, even through some hard conversations and decisions.

* * * * *

“I feel like garbage after I talk to her,” a friend told me today.  We commiserated around our mutual acquaintance, Dolores*.  Dolores constantly focuses on the negative—how we could always do this or that better, how this or that thing is never right.  She nit-picks and dissects.  It’s hard to be around Dolores; her positive to negative interaction ratio is 0 to infinity—or at least it feels that way. 

We like Apollo* better.   He consistently notices and shows us the good we do.  He points out our strengths to others.  And it’s not lip service—he truly sees, appreciates, and acknowledges how we contribute—we feel his sincerity and gratitude.  His ratio approaches 5 to 1, which is an important sign (driver?) of healthy relationships.

And Apollo’s 1’s, what are those about?  He tests us, makes us uncomfortable sometimes.  We clash with him sometimes on how to walk the talk, on the methods we choose to manifest our mission.  But because our relationships are healthy, because we know our ties are stronger than our tensions, we can negotiate in good faith.  We challenge one another to live up to our ideals—to defend our methods–we hold each other accountable, and we all benefit.

Like I said, lucky.

*not their real names

Affective Polarization

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

How fun when learning occurs in clusters.  I linked to a recent Hidden Brain podast on my November 4 post.  It was the first time I had heard the term ‘affective polarization.’  Basically it means that we define and dislike people by only knowing their political party affiliation.  Today I listened to a series of theological essays addressing the same issue, from a Christian perspective.  I can’t wait to learn more.

Increasingly, we judge and relate to one another based on this one factor, which may or may not be important to how we define ourselves.  Apparently it’s a pretty new phenomenon, and escalating fast (surprise). 

The podcast discusses how we feel as and about people who are deeply involved in politics or not, and how that affects our attitudes and decisions about which relationships to enter, whom to hire, where to live, etc.  The essays explain further that it has to do with in- and out-group (tribal) identity, self-esteem, and meaning.  In 21st Century American culture, our politics identify us more than they used to—it has replaced religion in this way, perhaps.  But, he posits, while we have cultivated religious attitudes and practices “from dogmatism and fundamentalism toward a faith that is more tolerant, inclusive, peaceable and generous,” not so for politics.  Partisans on both sides are basically fundamentalists, and that carries important implications for violence— the new holy wars.

This may all seem rather alarmist.  But I bet anyone who hears the podcast or reads the articles will recognize and relate to much of their content.  The best outcome from consumption of these pieces will be a little more awareness, and a desire to monitor and modify how we relate, for the better.  Let’s get to it, shall we?