Category Archives: culture

Primed and Susceptible

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

Text from a conservative relative:

I get it, you hated him 4 years ago and you still hate him now, I’ve seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That’s what the people who support him love about him Yes there have been some scandals, yes there have been some lies, and maybe a few times he’s twisted the truth to make him look better. He’s out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealousy, call it envy, some people just can’t handle how successful he is and how much money he has, could even be jealous that he’s got a hot foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in his role, but he’s there now and there is nothing that you or I can do about it. I know it’s possibly going to get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa.

I confess, I read this while stopped in traffic, so I may not have paid enough attention (ahem).  Also it’s not a text from my relative; it’s a friend’s Facebook post. 

It’s an exercise in attention, assumptions, priming, and susceptibility.  And man, was I duped.  I got to the end and thought, huh, that was a weird non sequitur–firmly stuck in my own narrative.  What hijacked me most was, “nothing [we] can do about it.”  I was not alone.

I wonder what myriad important perspectives, learnings, and connections I have missed, shuttered by my own biases?  How much fuller could my life be if I managed them all far better?

How much better for us all, if we all did?

Count Higher Than Two

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NaBloPoMo 2020 — Today’s Lesson

I’m starting to hear echoes of 2016, when a friend posted, “Well, now we know where the dumb people live.”  To some, if you voted this year to re-elect the president you are wholly and irrevocably:  stupid, ignorant, racist, misogynist, monstrous, evil—and more.  You are judged and defined solely by this one action.  Nothing else need be known about you; you are garbage. 

It’s us vs. them, good vs. evil, either/or, with us or against us.

This profound yet effortless oversimplification, this refusal to acknowledge, let alone explore, the inherent complexity of any given individual, poisons us all too easily.  It is the venomous root of polarization.  David Blankenhorn, co-founder of Braver Angels, describes it so well in his 2016 essay, “The Seven Habits of Highly Depolarizing People”.  He asserts that “binary thinking—the tendency to divide everything into two mutually antagonistic categories”—is the most dangerous habit of polarization.

It’s to the point where I myself feel unsafe to raise any nonconforming perspective among liberals, lest I’m attacked for upholding the toxic patriarchy I profess to oppose. How ironic that the movement of tolerance and inclusion, that claims acceptance and diversity as core values, not only cannot tolerate but violently rejects even benign and earnest internal dissent.

Can we see our political opponents as more than a malevolent monolith?  Can we allow for complex experiences we don’t understand?  Can we withhold judgment long enough to recognize and honor our shared humanity, before we respectfully condemn each other’s wrong-headed ideas?

Can we ‘count higher than two’ in our attitudes and interactions?  Our mutual survival may depend on it, and I know so few people willing to try.

Our voting choice was binary.  Our thoughts, emotions, speech, actions, and relationships should not be.

What We Need

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NaBloPoMo 2020 — Today’s Lesson

It’s Election Day Eve.  Big day tomorrow.  What do you need? 

A few of us asked each other this question today.  I need to stay connected to my tribe and get good sleep.  Another needs to form a tribe, learn to reach out and connect on her own terms.  Others need safety.  Crystal ball, genie, group hug (but COVID GRRRRR), a certain election outcome…  I suggested maybe we need an hourly, one song, Zoom dance-along throughout the day.  The playlist is growing.

After multiple queries it becomes clear, as it always does, that more than anything, we need each other.  My Facebook friend, a Trump supporter, told me how a colleague came to work crying the day after in 2016.  He hugged her.  No matter what I think of his politics I need for him and me to stay friends, to commit to not abandoning each other as fellow humans and fellow Americans.  I’m not sure if that’s what he needs… I should ask.

We all need, once again as always, to feel seen, heard, understood, accepted, and loved.  And we need to help others feel it, too.  This does not mean we are not held responsible for our words and actions, and the harm we cause with both.  Compassion and empathy are not exclusive of accountability and reform. 

We need vulnerability and courage.  We need to come alongside rather than come at.  We need to monitor and manage our own assumptions, to hold a mirror to ourselves and own our contributions to current state.  We need calm, discipline, breath, and self-control.

We need to heal.

We need grace—to give and to receive.