“How much do you love yourself? I hope it is at least as much as you are loved by the rest of us.”
I have thought to ask this of several people I know, wishing ardently for them to see their own gifts and strengths as we, their ever loyal friends and loved ones, see them. I hope you have people asking and supporting you in this way, dear reader, every day.
Self-love, at its best and strongest, is not boastful, grandiose, or arrogant. Rather, it is quiet, steadfast, resilient, and humble. It doesn’t need to compete in intellect, beauty, or performance. It tolerates being misunderstood or judged as less than by people whose opinions are simply irrelevant. And it knows when, where, and how to make us stand up and be seen, heard, and known. Self-love is how we know what spaces to take up in confidence and self-worth.
What does it mean to love someone, ourselves included? We honor, care for, think of, miss, wish the best for, sacrifice for, tell the truth to, help, hold accountable, look out for, and want to be with our loved ones, yes? How many of us feel this way for ourselves, as much as for others we love?
Adequate self-love provides the foundation, space, and magnanimity for fervent love of others (‘can’t pour from an empty cup’), and is also fed and nourished by love from others. It sets the standard of attitude and conduct for that mutual, wholehearted, loyal love that we all seek so deeply.
Love is the ultimate positive feedback loop, the best snowball effect.
‘A one person lovefest invites others to the party To celebrate one another in joyous togetherness Without competition or comparison Only in mutual affection and validation’
So many professions of love this past weekend, so beautiful and connecting. I hope each of us, at our core, can hold onto a deep sense of self-love, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, relationship status, family dynamic, or political leaning. Love is the foundation of the healthiest, strongest, and most fulfilling relationships, and it’s never too late, never too little to start or start over.
Happy New Year, friends! The season’s spirit still saturates me, and I will ride it as long as it lasts! Wishing that residual lightness and joy on you all, too!
Today was day 334 of Morning Pages, so I’m on track to hit 337/365 or so by the one year mark of this new habit–not bad! I don’t recall missing any blog posts in 2024–did I? So yay, the writing is consistent! This is post #670. With an average of 700 words each, that’s 469,000 words written in a little less than ten years. I can confidently say I have established a solid body of work. Book will happen eventually, and I’m okay with whatever cosmic timing is at play here.
This season, however, all I want to do every day is write jar smiles. Inspiration can come anywhere, from music to audiobooks to movies, to conversations. Messages occur to me spontaneously while driving or looking out the window, and even falling asleep at night. I’m having so much fun capturing them on pretty origami paper. I’m using all my fun pens, and folding them is positively meditative.
I don’t generally set explicit goals or concrete intentions ‘for the year’, but I feel a slight leaning that way at the moment. Letting it marinate rather than write about it tonight–maybe next week. But these tiny love notes! They make me so happy! So tonight I thought I’d share the latest batch here, in case they lift you also.
Maybe you’ll bookmark this post somewhere and come back to it when you want a little encouragement. Maybe you’ll point someone you care about this way, so they can get a little love, too. Regardless, I hope that by sharing these notes here, many more people may benefit from the expressions than just me and the people who read them on paper. Not sure how long I’ll end up writing them, but given the similarly joyful meaning and reward to writing this blog and Morning Pages so far, I have a feeling the jars I have started around the country and soon around the world may stay filled a while yet.
Peace, friends. Onward in solidarity and love:
Hello Love! Had a great HIIT workout at the gym, then connected with friends. Wishing you this awesome of a start to your day often!
When you need nourishment – body, mind, and spirit – may the food and fuel you need present to you promptly.
Wishing you today the kind of energy that causes you to hip sway, stomp, and wave your arms high in raucous joy!
Strength. You have it in spades in many domains! It’s a quiet force that we feel and respond to–you have impact.
Hello Darling! What’s got your mind whirring and your spirit humming? Wishing you the movement that fulfills you today!
Sometimes we just need to pursue pleasure. If today is one of those times, may your pursuit end positively gloriously.
May we always respect the creative impulses that arise from our deep hearts’ yearning to be known. Peace, dear one.
On the long arc of this lifetime, may we encounter often other souls who see the value and importance of connection and utter love.
Thinking of agency a lot these days – where we have it, how we exercise it, and when we don’t recognize it – may you always know yours!
Our best friends are as good as family if not better – wishing you these people in your life every day to lift you and hold you up!
When you need comfort, may the hard and prickly parts of the world fall away and only softness take their place.
What are your intentions today? Wishing the universe to help align them with your greatest positive impact!
When you need stability, may the ground beneath your feet feel rock solid and your heart beat in steady strength.
Quality time with the people who matter most: Wishing you loads and loads to keep your heart full and your spirit high.
May your needs be anticipated and met with love and mindful effectiveness by all who love you every day!
May you always know and never forget how incredibly special you are and how important you are in other people’s lives!
When you need change, may the winds of new beginnings and novel experience knock joyfully at your door.
May you know yourself so deeply and with such confidence that no person may assail your integrity even a little.
The only way out is through; the best way through is together. Right here with you, dear one.
When we find our people, we can truly be ourselves.
How are we, my friends?
What are we looking/thinking/listening through from 2024? What catches our attention, stands out? How do we feel in mind, body, spirit, and soul from/for it all?
What emerges for me: Community. Belonging. Liberation. Sharing. Healing with Help.
Readers of this blog know about Ethos, my gym. Tim and Victoria named it aptly, and now Tim and Cory operate it with integrity and vision: “Train. Recover. Connect.” What other gym prioritizes relationship in its mission and tagline? These are my people! I worried that moving from a small garden unit in River North to a space almost three times larger in Roscoe Village would somehow alter the culture–the ethos–one never knows what can happen with such transitions. Happily, I think it has only grown stronger, and now there is space for more of us to benefit. It doesn’t matter who you are, how much you lift, your age, or whatever. If you bring your full self and engage, you’re one of us–because we all make it so. It’s amazing. Of note, making friends in their 20s and 30s and outside of medicine has broadened my perspective and improved my life more than I knew I needed, and I could not be more grateful. We never know who our people may include until we meet them.
So go the leaders, so go the led.
In any domain, culture is influenced most strongly by the designated leaders, the ones with authority and power. This year I found AJ: Musician, composer, Quinn creator, animal lover, motorbike enthusiast, filmmaker, amateur home DIY engineer, and all around beautiful human. His fans call ourselves Angels, a fast growing community drawn together principally in admiration for AJ, and bonded in various other ways. Watch any of AJ’s videos on TikTok or read his Instagram posts to see this humble, curious, funny, loving, and nerdy man connect with his fan group in the most wholesome, extemporaneous, and unassuming ways. Listen to his Quinn audios to experience soft and strong, dominant and submissive, gentle and powerful, masculine and feminine humanity in all our complexity, brought to life with voice only, and know why we hit play over 250,000 times since he started creating them in June. By December 16 we had listened a total of over 1.7 million minutes–almost 3.5 years.
During the 4+ hour holiday live stream today when he shared and then responded to messages from Angels around the world, I was floored by the power and energy of mutual uplift between AJ and us. Yes, he has amassed a following that lifts and amplifies him and his work. He has also gathered and cultivated, just by being himself, a tribe of women who lift one another in empathic, present, compassionate, and utterly humane love. Listeners comment on how his content and community create the safety to be fully ourselves that we experience no place else. That is profound. It’s all him, and also not–it’s all of us, together, amplifying one another. By the end of the live stream AJ himself reflected on how desperately this reciprocally loving and accepting energy is needed in the world. So now it’s his and the Angels’ mission to spread it. He leads by dynamic and responsive example. And while he’s most visible as a strong male ally of women in this space, I am sure that his example will also reach, move, and support men–those ready to more fully integrate their emotional selves and connect more deeply and meaningfully with women, other men, and non-binary people alike.
Be a candle. Use your light to light others. Your light diminishes not at all for the effort, and there is only more light in the world.
In case you wonder, yes, I am still immersed in the romance audio universe and loving every moment. The friends I have made around the world from Colorado to Oregon to the UK and Australia form yet another community of mutual uplift, with its own unique and loving vibe. This tribe introduced me to Quinn, the app for audio erotica. This new immersion has taken my sexual education to the next level, and sharing my learning has benefited more than just myself. I know I am far from alone in this expansion, and as AJ’s Angels express repeatedly, the Quinn messages of self- and other-acceptance, love, and uplift heal and save us all.
Communities like Ethos, Angels, and romance audio gather, enfold, champion, and strengthen parts of ourselves that we may otherwise minimize, repress, or even reject. Such loving and uplifting communities help make us whole. Enveloped in such ardent belonging, we are liberated to truly be and express our real, unmitigated selves, no matter how quirky, weird, or previously outcast.
Looking ahead to 2025, I will work to continue forging Community everywhere I am. I will point out shared humanity across difference and divergence whenever, wherever, and with whomever I see and hear it. Our people inhabit more diverse spaces than we know or admit. My conversations since the American presidential election continue to teach me this. I could not have known 9.7 years ago how aptly I named this blog.
Healing Through Connection 