Looking back, I wish I had been better for you. When you knew me, I was young in the work. I was well trained and I understood the task in my thinking mind. But I had (still have) a lot to learn about relating to people who are different from me, people whose behavior I don’t understand easily, who rub me the wrong way at first.
I wonder if you felt disliked by me? I hope I was professional/amiable enough, but I know I wear my feelings on my face. My tone and words can be terse and even cold when I feel disconnection. I hope you still felt respected, attended to, even cared for. If not, I own it. I remember you because I knew it at the time–knew I was not my best with you, and yet I could not help it. I had only yet begun the inner work journey that has brought me to today.
I know so much better now. I am so much more self-aware, humble, honest, and accountable. I withhold most judgment now, unlike before. I engage with difference now in openness and curiosity, and take few things personally. I am so much more peaceful inside. Even when I get triggered these days, it’s much less intense and lasts minutes, maybe hours, instead of days. I am far better at asking direct questions to clarify meaning, calling out disrespect, and connecting better or amicably exiting a poor relationship. I don’t let things hang or fester like before.
If/when we meet again, I welcome the chance to reconnect and apologize. I want to show you how much I have learned and grown since you knew me, since I had my potentially negative impact on you. I was doing the best I could, with what I had, at that time. I still am. There is no substibute for experience and time.
Please know that my relationship with you, through its challenge and difficulty, has been the pebble in my shoe making me more mindful, more intentional. I thank you for crossing my path, showing me my deficits and calling me to address them. I hope my future relationships will show my progress, so that even if I cannot make direct amends to you, I can avoid doing similar harm to others. You have made me better.
Wishing you peace, and people in your life who show up better for you than I did. I will stay on my path, and if we meet again, I will smile.
Normally I hate to rhyme But tonight I’ve run out of time Because I really want to get to bed And this post has still not formed in my head
So I’ll try something new again, yes? And attempt my readers to impress With some on-the-fly verse In my experimental mindset I immerse!
How is my creativity already good? It starts when I reject the “should” When I honor my own desire to create I can let go or embrace things I’d normally hate!
Making things brings me such joy When both left and right brains I readily employ To create from love, connection, and skill My highest values I share and fulfill
I prove to myself the things I can do And show others they can do a lot, too. Then we can all revel in the fun Having bonded and made memories when we are done
How could I do creativity better? Would it be painting, knitting or crafting a letter? So many media, opportunities to learn Anything new, I could take a turn
Probably some more armor to shed Not even sure where it lives in my head Fiction has always seemed an off-limits art But perhaps I, too, can make up stories from the heart?
How do we collectively already create well? This is where I feel really proud, hell– What is there that we humans cannot do When we let our imaginations free of conformist and conventional goo?
New ideas and creations spring forth any given moment From necessity, inspiration, incentive, or torment This is where I feel the most optimism and hope Because anything we make could stop our slide down the slope Of division, separation, violence and greed If we our highest humanity heed
So how can we do creativity better? How can each of us be a making jetsetter? Free our minds and hearts, I want to shout! It is only by trying that we may find out What great heights of connection we could achieve If only I, you, and we all really believe
That no matter what fuckups we’ve perpetrated to date, As long as we love it’s still not too late We can always create, make at least one thing good Because while we are all still here each one of us could Choose to show up with imagination, openness, and, “Hmmmm” And get our most collaborative vibes to thrum
Hey this has been pretty good, don’t you think? And it only took a few minutes of rink and tink Maybe poetry is what I might try more of soon I could give it another shot before the next moon.
For now, however, four in the month left to go I have ideas beyond November to show But off to bed for me, and friends– May your day be bright and your joy never end!
AIYAH LOVE!! *sigh* Let’s see, romance, presence, leadership, accountability, integrity, forgiveness, self-compassion, relationships–the majority of my topics this month overlap deeply with love. And of all the practices I address these thirty days, is there any more important? What are we humans without love? The word is overused, perhaps, and yet every time I hear or say it, I can still choose to ascribe the deepest meaning, thereby reminding myself how it guides me, makes me better, helps me be the person I want to be.
How do I love well already? –I’m pretty full of it–love, I mean–and it exudes. In some circumstances I am much more reserved about expressing, and even then I’m always looking for opportunities and maximizing within existing constraints. And I’m getting more expressive with age. As life gets shorter, I feel more urgency for those I love to know and feel it unequivocally. –I relish and amplify the love I see, hear, and feel around me. I endorse fluidity between platonic, romantic, sexual, intellectual, spiritual, and other manifestations of love. Love, in my opinion, is bigger than our rational minds can comprehend or define (though our efforts to do so reward and connect us!), thus I am open to any and all of its authentic manifestations.
How could I do it better? –I don’t always hold love first and in front in dealing with people. It’s easy with people I like and when circumstances are easy. I’m getting better with people I dislike, and when times are hard. –I can make mindful love, both inward and outward, a more formal practice and discipline. Just like a parent can only be as happy as their saddest child, I bet we can only show up as loving to others as we do to ourselves.
How does society love well?
Examples Abound. Considering what a sh*tshow the world is right now, we could not be blamed for thinking there is no love anywhere anymore, or if there is, it’s overtaken by anger, hate, and violence. But I bet you could name at least five examples of visible and palpable love in your own life right now. So what is up with that? How can we be loving between family and friends, and also dehumanizing and utterly toxic in other contexts? Just think if we all gave one another, individuals and groups alike, a little benefit of the doubt, made more generous assumptions, and really tried to walk in other people’s shoes? It’s simple in theory, very difficult in practice, and well worth the effort, I think. My media feed shows me organizations that exemplify love, rather than news. I’m so much better for it. Some examples, in case you’re interested:
Upworthy. A subsidiary of Good Worldwide: A “B-corp social impact company with a global audience of over 150 million people. Since 2006 Good Worldwide has been on a mission to empower people and organizations to be a force for good, together.” More Love Letters. Submit a request for snail mail love letters from around the world for your loved one having a hard time right now. Better yet, write them to someone else! 5 recipients chosen every month. You still have time to write to the November crew. Elephant Journal. “We’re dedicated to sharing the good life beyond the choir, and to all those who didn’t yet know they give a care about living a good, fun life that’s good for others, and our planet. The mindful life is about yoga, organics, sustainability, conscious consumerism, enlightened education, the contemplative arts, adventure, bicycling, family…everything. But mostly it’s about this present moment, right here, right now, and how we can best be of benefit, and have a good time doing so.” Charities. The Greater Chicago Food Depository. The Food Bank of the Rockies. So many groups doing good. If you don’t already have ones you love, study these three sites to find ones that align with your values and are legit. Communities. In 2023, as I have written repeatedly, my romance novel and fitness communities have transformed my life. I honestly do not think I would/could have committed to writing a book without the support and love of these amazing folks. What communities do you love, and love you back?
How could we all do better?
Meet Unlove With Love. The more disciplined each of us can be about leading with love, the less we can be baited into heated argument, pointless debate, and mutual agitation and separation. People do not lash out when they are well. Name calling and dehumanizing in response to their negative behaviors helps nothing and nobody. Breathe deeply, bite thy tongue. Reverse that excellent mantra: Take no shit, and do no harm.
Play the Infinite Game. Showing love in your next encounter with a stranger will not solve the world’s problems. Doing it with every person you meet next year, and for the next ten or fifty years, will not itself bring about world peace. But if you and I do this, which then encourages those we meet to do it also, we can bet that we are not contributing to the world’s problems. This practice among others gives me inner peace, which allows me to keep playing, to stay in the game of making the world better, much longer than if I burn out from cynical exhaustion and pessimism.
Of these twenty posts so far, I feel the most lighthearted and uplifted writing about romance and love. Huh, fascinating. It’s about hope, I think. Deep emotional and psychological connection, bonds that we actively choose to cultivate and sustain–these things give my life the most meaning, purpose, and reward. How awesome.
Healing Through Connection 