Category Archives: mindfulness

At My Best

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

Tonight’s lesson emerges from my Engaging with Difference class.  It’s a classic “Duh-HA!” (Duh + ah-HA!, thank you Tony & Diane!) epiphany, arising from a novel (to me) and profound mindfulness practice that I plan to adopt permanently.

Duh-HA!  At my best, I am relentlessly curious and ask excellent, open and honest questions.  When I’m hijacked or triggered, I speak in unqualified declarations and generalizations, which I hate. 

What is the worst version of yourself, is it what you loathe most in others?

The practice is Critical Moment Dialogue (CMD), developed by the Personal Leadership folks.  In a nutshell, when I feel “something’s up,” ie I notice some kind of internal hijack occurring in real time, I can choose to react as usual, or do a CMD and find a better way through. 

I reflected on a recent, disconcerting conversation with a colleague.  One of the six elements of CMD practice is attending to physical sensation.  The Duh-HA occurred when I recalled my desire to raise an eyebrow, cock my head, and curl my lip, which manifested as left temporalis muscle tightening.  The CMD exercise helped me understand my subjective experience in that moment:  I felt a disconnect.  My counterpart and I were enacting our usual misunderstanding pattern.  I usually blame him for being vague and self-absorbed, but now I realize that we probably grasp divergent meanings for the words we choose.  Just this one insight, in the instant I apprehended it, reoriented my entire attitude toward him and our future conversations. 

The next time we meet, I can breathe slower and more deeply, and slacken my jaw.  Evoking my commitment to curiosity, I can remember to ask more clarifying questions before making false assumptions and jumping to antagonistic judgments.

Seriously, DUH.  HA!

Walking the Talk

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NaBloPoMo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

Where do you fall into dogma traps?

Back in March I told friends not to wear masks in public.  I was angry at people for hoarding PPE for personal use when hospital workers did not have enough.  My classmates sewed cloth masks for nurses while people perused grocery stores wearing N95s around their chins.  I stated my opinions strongly and ate those words later.

This week I find myself softening previously strong opinions about in person school and personal gatherings.  I have successfully sought varying perspectives on these issues, and not always so successfully incorporated contrary information into my perspective.  At the end of summer I could not imagine how hordes of kids could be brought back to school safely.  Now I have seen multiple accounts of schools and universities that did it safely.  The keys:  Cogent plans based on local conditions; heavy investment of myriad resources; and constant, clear communication.  While I worry increasingly about family gatherings for the holidays, it looks like restaurants, bars, and churches may still be the chief culprits of the current COVID surge.

I still get a little palpitative hearing some patients’ plans for Thanksgiving, and picturing college students coming home this week.  It could be bad. But thinking in broad, overgeneralized terms, and especially making skeptical assumptions about people and their motives, doesn’t help anything.  I just get grumpy, and my neck hurts.  We messaged our patients about how to do the holidays safely.  Though not quarantining, many have tried earnestly to minimize exposures in advance of gathering.  It could be okay, maybe.

We are all doing our best.  I speak and write about withholding judgment and being present with generosity.  Now is a good time to hold myself accountable to that standard.

Funny Helps

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NaBloPomo 2020 – Today’s Lesson

“Your quarantine nickname = how you feel right now + the last thing you ate.”

Hello, my name is Tired Toast.  Please meet my Facebook friends Anxious Carrot, Determined Wasabi Pea, Vexed Guacamole, Chilly Gingersnap, Perky Wontons, Grumpy Curry, Happy Nachos, and Bored Dried Cherries.  Welcome to the quarantine buffet, where we commune and relax.  Bring what ya’ got, just who you are, no matter your condition.  We don’t care how you smell.  You have a seat at the table here.  But ya gotta play nice; no food fights.

One of my leaders acknowledged this week that whereas we used to refill on weekends, these days our tanks never get all the way full before the next week starts.  I take my analogies seriously, so I contemplated this one.  It depends on the weekend, I think.  If I can avoid overscheduling and the sun shines, I can get mostly back to F.  But no doubt, I head into weekends ‘way more empty now than I used to.

Small funnies help.  They’re the perfect combination of low effort, instant connection, and mood boost.

What made you smile and laugh out loud today?

I recommend The Big Bang Theory—any episode of the twelve seasons (it’s syndicated).  I’ve seen every one multiple times, and I still love every minute.  Friends with nerds—what could be better??  When I’m old and demented, park me in a recliner with a tub of ice cream and BBT on loop, and I’ll die happy.  If you’re looking for funny to share, check out Nathan Pyle and his fun-speaking blue beings. 

Formidable forces ride toward us.  We’ll all need our humorous wits about us now.

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