Tag Archives: NaBloPoMo

It Came Up In Conversation

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Friends, how are you?

So many people are having a really hard time right now. I feel it all around, and it’s heartbreaking. So much pain, both first hand and vicarious; such powerlessness, leading to agitation, rage, and despair… or at least an angsty restlessness, a deep vibrational yearning for things to be very different from how they are. **deep breath** Whatever you have going on, I wish you all you need to suffer as little as possible.

During one clinical encounter this week, Patient and I sensed a vague yet deep restlessness in her. At the end of the visit I had no useful advice to give. Rather than disappointed or apologetic, though, I felt stimulated. From her low energy starting point, I felt wide space for potential, and a rapid slew of questions coming on. So I grabbed my notepad and scrawled as they emerged:

  1. How much do you want a life change?
  2. If change then how, in what way?
  3. Why–what will that give you?
  4. What are the steps?
  5. Who can help (assume you need help!)?
  6. How will you measure progress?

As I wrote, I changed “(do you need help?)” to “(assume you need help!)” and “success” to “progress” in real time.

Looking back, I’m not sure she really wanted to engage with these questions, which felt okay to me. I did not intend to pressure her into doing anything. I did, however, want to share my sense of possibility, openness, curiosity, and agency on her behalf. No urgency or requirement to answer anything, I told her. To “live the questions,” as Rilke wrote, is all we need sometimes. Turns out I ask these questions of myself pretty regularly. Maybe that’s why they came to mind so readily.

What/how do these questions move for you, if anything/at all? What other questions do they spark, if any? What else?

“What proportion of your daily routine/decisions/actions/default activities are driven by convention, social norms, or otherwise extrinsic factors?”

Yet another spontaneous question, this time arising while looking in another patient’s ears and talking about their very young kids’ multiple sports and activities, the intensity and schedules of which rival that of my high schooler. “It’s what you do,” they said.

Getting married, having kids, buying a house, climbing the corporate ladder; PTA, kids’ sports, yoga, pickleball, having an opinion on everything: How much do we do these things because “it’s what you do”? Please understand, I’m not necessarily judging any of it. Social norms have purpose; they provide structure and order in our messy human lives. I also think it’s good to consider, regularly and often, how our personal values and goals align with our myriad forceful cultural defaults.

Where do convention and personal integrity intersect for maximum benefit, fulfillment, growth, and contribution?

I really like this question, I look forward to living it for a while, and I’m grateful to my patient for helping me form it.

Hey, National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) starts November 1! My 2023 theme reveal will drop here on October 31, so stay tuned. This will be Year 9 for me, and I think it could be transformative…

OK friends, now I get to tell you about my Big Fat Hairy Project.

I pitched my first ever book proposal to a kind young agent in June and received generous encouragement in response. Over the ensuing months, I have found myself stymied by fear and imposter syndrome, possibly to the point of physical pain. Admonishing myself to simply plant BUTT IN CHAIR was not enough to make me produce any content. Things shifted recently, though, not sure how or why. Maybe it’s the season? Maybe it’s seeing body changes in both function and appearance after 7 months of regular strength training, convicing me that I can do new and hard things? Maybe it’s connecting more closely with readers and writers, an innately inclusive, generous, and encouraging tribe? Regardless, there is movement afoot. Yay!

On October 15 I committed publicly to a nightly book work discipline: Typed word count, handwritten journal page count, time spent reading/researching, etc.–whatever I did, I resolved to track and share. I knew at some point I would need to actually write editable words in larger numbers–the shittiest first draft is better than no draft at all. But it was not until yesterday that I committed to something concrete there, too: 500 words three times a week or 1500 weekly words, however I can get them out.

Friends, the first 871 wildly imperfect words of my book now exist. O. M. G. And I will add more tonight! HOLY MOLY, is that momentum I feel? I have a weekly skeleton schedule written out: no book work required on days I see patients, at least to start. And I still need to consume books for my sanity (176 titles started this year and ohmygoodness, some are so good!). *sigh* I feel good in body and mind, joyous, solid, and buoyant, in this resolve and commitment.

If you’re interested, follow me on Instagram at @chenger91. Every Sunday I will post a photo of the laptop and my inspriational writing mug. Each day of that week I will log book work in that post’s comments. See 10/15 and 10/22 on the page now!

I wonder how I will stick to this and also write 30 blog posts in 30 days? WHOOO KNOWS?? It’s okay, I get to invent and evolve my way–nothing to lose! And I resolve to have FUN. Let’s do this.

NaBloPoMo Theme Reveal, 2021

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Okay, friends, it begins! 

National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) was an annual November thing back in 2015, when I started this blog.  Apparently the person who started it no longer claims it or formally facilitates, but many of us still practice.  This year a small cadre of women physician writers may join me in the challenge, woohoo!

The theme for this, my 7th year, emerged over the summer.  As some of you know, Son is a senior in high school, applying to college right now.  On a walk through the neighborhood one sunny evening in August, I ran into parents of two different classmates, kids he’s known since preschool.  We compared our respective parental experiences of contemporary college apps—fascinating!  In both conversations, I asked my counterparts what they wished most for their kids to learn at college, and then in life.  As usual, the question arose from outward curiosity, and before I could finish asking, I really wanted to answer for myself, too.

In short order, three primary ‘adulting skills’ came to mind: 

  1. Self-awareness
  2. Self-regulation
  3. Critical thinking

Over subsequent weeks the list grew quickly, as I sought additions from other friends and family. I noticed it was mostly nouns, which started to feel listless and uninspiring. Simon Sinek points out, in Start With Why, that posting static concepts such as ‘Honesty’ as organizational values is too abstract and unmotivating; it doesn’t tell people what to do. He recommends converting such nominal platitudes to verb statements instead: Isn’t ‘Always Tell the Truth’ a much clearer and more activating expression? And bonus: it also makes us accountable.

So this November, I intend to post one ‘action mantra’ each day, that I hope for my children to practice, to live a good life. I have chosen the theme title: Do Good, Kid. I like that play on words, too. 😉

This year’s theme is, perhaps, more personally meaningful and coherent for me than previous ones. I imagine it as the lifelong learning To Do list that could persist as my kids’ ethical earworms when I’m not around to remind them. It’s also a record of my own personal aspirations. How can I ask them to do anything I’m not willing to model myself? I have 30 days, and well over 30 practices to choose from. This could be fun.

So let’s see how it goes, eh?  Can’t wait can’t wait!

Meaning Indeed

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Do you not just love when insights occur in rapid and acute succession?

I had ‘Rubik’s cubed’ the last post for a few weeks before finally sitting down to write and publish it last Tuesday. The smoke signal idea came to me while typing—it felt almost tingly, like the most pleasant and rewarding epiphanal effervescence. And here just now I’m only describing that sensation for the first time. How fascinating. Little did I know last week that my own smoke signals have long smoldered in the distance. Since musing about the physical sensations of meaning, I’m suddenly noticing my own, left and right.

I’ve had two prolonged absences from in person clinical work these two years. The first was 2.5 months externally mandated by pandemic lockdown in 2020. The second, ending as of 10 days ago, was a 5 month personal leave. In each case I did my homework prior to returning, reviewing charts and schedules, contacting colleagues for sign out (the verbal transfer of care between clinicians who share patients). Both times I felt ambivalent, missing the nearly 24/7 control over my own schedule (or the illusion of it, anyway), and also anticipating the gratifying interactions of in person clinic.

In June last year, the joy of return enveloped me like the warm, welcoming hand of a soft spring breeze. I had completed the interview part of my first face to face visit since March. We got to the exam room and I did my usual head and neck assessment. I put my stethoscope earpieces in and placed the diaphragm against the patient’s chest. That first heartbeat may have been the most soothing sound I had heard in years. The soft, rhythmic, unobtrusive yet vital thudding of the heart of a live person—a person in my care—wow. I can’t remember if I actually got goosebumps then. But I get them now just thinking of that moment. I had not realized how much I missed hearing it, or how much it meant to me. I lingered an extra second or two just listening, feeling a deep joy and relaxation, a settling of my soul even, maybe. It was profound and totally unexpected.

This time it was a conversation. It’s such a privilege to know people in the intimate space of their health, to appreciate them as whole people, body, mind, and often spirit. In executive health we get the bonus of relating our patients’ whole person health to their roles and responsibilities as designated leaders at work. This intersects also with relationships in their families and personal tribes, just as it does for all of us. Toward the end of an interview last week, once again I felt overwhelmed by a deeply grounding, relaxed and yet energizing sensation. My patient and I were talking, engaging, exchanging ideas and observations, relating, as fellow humans. It felt paradoxically expansive and distilled at the same time, like I had dropped right into, and was operating directly from, my core, best self. I was right where I was supposed to be, doing and saying exactly what I was meant to do and say, right in that moment. I could only marvel inwardly and briefly in real time, as the encounter moved on. It was not until later in the day that I was able to name the emotion as sheer joy. I was lighter on my feet, uplifted in my chest, feeling positively buzzed.

Wow, it’s already the end of October. NaBloPoMo is almost upon us (well, upon me, I guess, as there is no longer an official November event–but this will be my 7th consecutive attempt), and I feel ready! The theme this year is personally meaningful to me (stay tuned for the reveal), and I look forward to the challenge. So good to be back, friends. Onward.