Tag Archives: Quinn app

Healing Through Connection: 2024 in the Rearview

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When we find our people, we can truly be ourselves.

How are we, my friends?

What are we looking/thinking/listening through from 2024? What catches our attention, stands out? How do we feel in mind, body, spirit, and soul from/for it all?

What emerges for me:
Community. Belonging. Liberation. Sharing. Healing with Help.

Readers of this blog know about Ethos, my gym. Tim and Victoria named it aptly, and now Tim and Cory operate it with integrity and vision: “Train. Recover. Connect.” What other gym prioritizes relationship in its mission and tagline? These are my people! I worried that moving from a small garden unit in River North to a space almost three times larger in Roscoe Village would somehow alter the culture–the ethos–one never knows what can happen with such transitions. Happily, I think it has only grown stronger, and now there is space for more of us to benefit. It doesn’t matter who you are, how much you lift, your age, or whatever. If you bring your full self and engage, you’re one of us–because we all make it so. It’s amazing. Of note, making friends in their 20s and 30s and outside of medicine has broadened my perspective and improved my life more than I knew I needed, and I could not be more grateful. We never know who our people may include until we meet them.

So go the leaders, so go the led.

In any domain, culture is influenced most strongly by the designated leaders, the ones with authority and power. This year I found AJ: Musician, composer, Quinn creator, animal lover, motorbike enthusiast, filmmaker, amateur home DIY engineer, and all around beautiful human. His fans call ourselves Angels, a fast growing community drawn together principally in admiration for AJ, and bonded in various other ways. Watch any of AJ’s videos on TikTok or read his Instagram posts to see this humble, curious, funny, loving, and nerdy man connect with his fan group in the most wholesome, extemporaneous, and unassuming ways. Listen to his Quinn audios to experience soft and strong, dominant and submissive, gentle and powerful, masculine and feminine humanity in all our complexity, brought to life with voice only, and know why we hit play over 250,000 times since he started creating them in June. By December 16 we had listened a total of over 1.7 million minutes–almost 3.5 years.

During the 4+ hour holiday live stream today when he shared and then responded to messages from Angels around the world, I was floored by the power and energy of mutual uplift between AJ and us. Yes, he has amassed a following that lifts and amplifies him and his work. He has also gathered and cultivated, just by being himself, a tribe of women who lift one another in empathic, present, compassionate, and utterly humane love. Listeners comment on how his content and community create the safety to be fully ourselves that we experience no place else. That is profound. It’s all him, and also not–it’s all of us, together, amplifying one another. By the end of the live stream AJ himself reflected on how desperately this reciprocally loving and accepting energy is needed in the world. So now it’s his and the Angels’ mission to spread it. He leads by dynamic and responsive example. And while he’s most visible as a strong male ally of women in this space, I am sure that his example will also reach, move, and support men–those ready to more fully integrate their emotional selves and connect more deeply and meaningfully with women, other men, and non-binary people alike.

Be a candle. Use your light to light others. Your light diminishes not at all for the effort, and there is only more light in the world.

In case you wonder, yes, I am still immersed in the romance audio universe and loving every moment. The friends I have made around the world from Colorado to Oregon to the UK and Australia form yet another community of mutual uplift, with its own unique and loving vibe. This tribe introduced me to Quinn, the app for audio erotica. This new immersion has taken my sexual education to the next level, and sharing my learning has benefited more than just myself. I know I am far from alone in this expansion, and as AJ’s Angels express repeatedly, the Quinn messages of self- and other-acceptance, love, and uplift heal and save us all.

Communities like Ethos, Angels, and romance audio gather, enfold, champion, and strengthen parts of ourselves that we may otherwise minimize, repress, or even reject. Such loving and uplifting communities help make us whole. Enveloped in such ardent belonging, we are liberated to truly be and express our real, unmitigated selves, no matter how quirky, weird, or previously outcast.

Looking ahead to 2025, I will work to continue forging Community everywhere I am. I will point out shared humanity across difference and divergence whenever, wherever, and with whomever I see and hear it. Our people inhabit more diverse spaces than we know or admit. My conversations since the American presidential election continue to teach me this. I could not have known 9.7 years ago how aptly I named this blog.

Healing Through Connection.

That pretty much says it all.

Uninhibited

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I effuse.

Anyone who knows me will tell you so. They will describe my facial expressions, gesticulations, profanity, and hyperbole. I feel strongly and express accordingly. I posted yesterday about how it’s all elevated and amplified (though still regulated) recently: I hug stronger and longer. I praise freely. I call people ‘love’ with accelerating frequency. And I talk about love, sex, and relationships a lot more. I attribute much of this to my now two year-old romance audio immersion.

American culture is such a paradox. At the same time that we hypersexualize both men’s and women’s bodies from a young age, we also harbor a collective and insidious Puritanical streak that shames sexuality in general, and for women in particular. I thought I had overcome the latter years ago. But these two years of spicy romance consumption have shown me my blind spots, for which I am eternally grateful.

Early in my career I met a woman patient who was very open about her sex practices. She had both male and female partners, sometimes multiple at a time. I can’t remember whether her practices were protected or not, but she had no active sexually transmitted infections while I knew her. Looking back, I’m sure my words centered around health risks and relationship safety. But if I’m honest, I judged her. I was young in career and life and could not relate to her behaviors and practices. I am sure she felt my negative moral vibrations, and I regret that to this day. Somewhere along the way I let go that judgment and have since made intentional efforts to make it safe for patients to tell me anything. As long as it’s consensual, lucid, and mutually satisfying, I want you to do whatever you want and enjoy your sex life as fully as possible! There is no standard, and my wish is for all partners to feel maximally fulfilled.

Romance novels have opened my eyes to diverse practices and experiences that I did not know to consider before: polyamorous, dominant-submissive, and asexual, among others, and all of the social, emotional, and relational implications thereof. I have shared my transformations of awareness and openness with patients and friends, and the response has been overwhelmingly positive. Both men and women get curious and then share their own experiences–desires, inhibitions, disconnects, accommodations, sacrificies, epiphanies/discoveries, etc. These days I talk even more openly than before and with anybody about libido, erectile (dys)function, emotional and carnal connection and their intersection, menopause, penile implants, and anything else that matters to someone’s sexual health. I thought I was uninhibited before and Whoa Nelly, watch me now. Based on conversations with fellow spicy romance enthusiasts, my experience is anything but unique.

Romance narrator Victoria Connolly addresses American purity culture, growing up in and now healing from it. She has invited listeners to share their stories; the voluminous response reveals the prevelance of experience and the value of acknowledging and naming it. See her Instagram post and comments c. August 12, 2024: “‘It wasn’t until I started reading primarily spicy romance that I finally got fed up/brave enough to ask him if it’d be okay if I touched myself or used a vibrator during sex because I’d like to come too.’ | If your story sounds like this, you’re in the right place. | Just share the book in the comments that rewired you forever. The one that made you believe you deserved pleasure.”

I mentioned the Quinn app in my recent Women Elevating Women post. Quinn describes itself as “a mobile app and website where you can listen to audio erotica… spicy audio stories, guided masturbation, dirty talk, and more. The audios on Quinn are designed to help you get there, but they also involve fun and interesting plots.” The New York Times reports, “Apps like Dipsea and Quinn have become popular destinations, particularly for some women who find them safe spaces to explore their sexuality.” Hallelujah!
Readers of this blog know my deep admiration for romance narrator Shane East and his strong allyship of women. His second ever Quinn audio dropped two days ago and has already been played more than 3500 times. Asked, “What inspired the move to create on Quinn?” he answered, “[Quinn] came to me after hearing my work. After discussing things with them and checking things out on the site, seeing what I would like to put out there and gathering a script and audio crew to help me do that, I decided to go for it. I’m all for anything that enables women to own their sexuality without the judgment or shame that can be handed out by others. I’m here of course for everyone being free to own their sexuality and desires in a judgment free, safe and accepting way; however and with whomever they like. Speaking of women specifically though, historically they have been repressed by societal restraints and patriarchal ideology for so long that I think it’s wonderful to be part of something — be that romance books or something like Quinn— that utterly goes against that and gives women (in particular) ownership of what they want. I think it’s fantastic to have the[m] out there.”

*sigh*

This is all such a good thing, all of us embracing our whole, wonderful, beautiful, sexually awake and aware selves–every person of any gender, both individually and in community. Life is simply too short to repress such important and fundamental aspects of identity and connection. Fiction in general and romance in particular help us receive perspectives (as opposed to taking them, as David Brooks writes) other than and different from our own, and empathize with the full scope of human emotional and relational experience.

Inhibitions are not empirically harmful. Restraints can serve us sometimes. And when they outlive their usefulness, shedding them elevates us, frees our spirit, and allows our whole selves to emerge in full glory and actualization. I hope this evolution of collective openness continues. The more we can eliminate shame and empower everyone to own their sexuality, foster deep and meaningful connections fully in mind, body, and spirit, and simply embrace all that makes us our whole human selves, the better all of our lives will be.

Women Elevating Women

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How is everybody this fine August evening?

How is it August already!? *sigh* I hope we have all savored the summer (here in the Northern Hemisphere) and all it has to offer. There is just something about the longer, brighter days–I know there are myriad researched psychophysiologic effects, but I’m too lazy to look them up. Happy to just revel in them! Energy, activity, growth, flourishing–we humans are part of nature… Life occurs in seasons, and the lushness of summer blooms, the bees’ bumble-busy-ness, watching kids play joyously outside–it all just activates me, makes me frankly elated.

So today I got particularly excited thinking about how women romance authors hold one another up. I have noticed it for a while, and it hit me anew this afternoon. Here’s the story:

Shane East has joined the Creator crew over on Quinn, ‘the app for audio erotica.’ [To read more about this relatively new medium and its social value, see this article from the New York Times and a brief interview with Quinn founder and CEO Caroline Spiegel.] He joins other well known romance narrators on the site such as John York and Zachary Webber. The short form stories are apparently extremely spicy, and people love them. Scripts for the audios vary in origin, written by the voice actors themselves (men, women, and nonbinary folks), established romance authors, and fans alike. Not every piece is explicitly credited.

Shane’s debut on Quinn has been widely anticipated and very well received: As of this writing, about 60 hours out, his first audio has garnered over 4100 plays and almost 800 subscribers. Amidst the deluge of praise, I happened to catch an Instagram story posted by romance author Elodie Hart, acknowledging her good friend Holly June Smith for writing Shane’s inaugural script. It struck me again how often this happens in the romance world.

I see authors regularly promote one another’s work in their weekly newsletters and social media accounts. These magnanimous women include Sara Madderson, Nana Malone (who also co-founded Audio in Color, a non-profit dedicated to increasing diversity and representation in the romance and audiobook industry), Marni Mann, Sierra Simone, Lauren Smith, and Lili Valente. They post about how they collaborate, commune, and just have fun creating together. How wonderful! How generous, loving, and mutually beneficial! Is there any other profession where this happens so commonly?

I think about athletes, thought leaders… It always makes me happy to see blended teams play together in Olympic and All-Star games. Simon Sinek directly addresses his rivalry with Adam Grant in his book The Infinite Game. He frames this competitive relationship positively, as it drives his own professional excellence. In academic research, where resources are limited and science moves quickly, the culture is the opposite of collaborative and mutually admiring–‘cut throat’ is often the prevailing attitude.

Is there no sense of competition in romance writing? I have no idea. I just notice the love of women holding up other women.

I have written before about allyship, especially men of women. Shane East consistently upholds and amplifies his female colleagues, and continues to do so on this new platform.
How would it be if we all amplified one another, in humility and generosity, regardless of gender? Is that realistic? There are still so many gender-based power and status dyamics in multiple (most? all?) domains of human relationship… And yet, we can’t know how social norms will change unless we challenge them, right? Romance and erotica still make a lot of folks very uncomfortable; hence the heavily guarded anonymity of some creators. I understand and respect this; I feel minimal urgency to change it, because I see the tide turning, accelerating toward mainstream cultural sex positivity every year. In my mind, this makes gender parity more likely in the far future. Every little step counts. I know this is just my own perspective, having immersed in the romance world only recently. Maybe that’s why I feel compelled to write about it often, to express my own solidarity and allyship with the progress of sexual and relational freedom for all.

Challenging the status quo does not have to be adversarial, or even direct. Romance novels don’t change social policy. I don’t imagine it’s many authors’ primary objective to activate readers and listeners to lobby Congress or protest in the streets. As throughout history, fiction illuminates humanity and speaks, however quietly yet forcefully, to our very souls. It moves us, sometimes ineffably and other times powerfully, to examine and act. Social change happens in drifts and then shifts, slow and then fast, with forward and backward steps, on a long, jagged arc toward acceptance and inclusion. Human relationships are more complex now than before, and also fundamentally unchanged: we are all here to love one another and help us all live our best lives.

I never would have guessed that my whimsical romance obsession would yield deep and divergent thought and personal evolution. The friendships, the discussions, the self-discovery and intricate connections to shared humanity—it has all been just such a gift, I get goose bumps.

As we enter this last stretch of summer sun and warmth, I sincerely wish for us all to notice humans treating other humans well. It’s okay to feel cynical about humanity, even most of the time. But let’s not allow this to close us off to opportunities for connection when they occur. In fact, I encourage us to actively seek those opportunities–I promise, they are everywhere.