are the sun that gives me my reason for blooming.” –JPG
I would live forever in all the days I had with you.” –JPG
What do the words in these images do for you, friends? What do they bring forth?
If you are not already acquainted, I highly recommend finding and following Josh Greene, @typewrittenlovenotes on Instagram and on his Substack. His writing is thoughtful and evocative, keenly astute to all things human. He engages his audience with the most admirable integration of openness, earnestness, and appropriate boundaries.
I read the three expressions of his post above and commented, “Wondering… what are the day to day actions that go along with these words? It’s lovely to imagine.” Two avenues of reflection emerged from the question:
How do I walk the talk?
If I tell you how much I love you, care about you, and value you, how do I show you in our everyday interactions? What does it mean to live these words? How do I treat you such that you believe me when I say them? It makes me wonder which people in my life feel a gap between what I profess and how I behave. How do I delude myself, believing my words and actions are fully aligned when they are not? What needs to happen for those who feel the gap to tell me so I may correct, either the words or the actions?
It’s so easy (for some of us) to say the flowery words. They make everybody feel good with instant gratification. When things are harmonious it’s easy to act lovingly. How do I show up when it’s hard? Do I live up to my own standards of integrity, compassion, and self-regulation? Perfection is not possible. But how much is good enough? How do I keep myself accountable?
What words/stories drive my actions off track?
I make generous assumptions about most people most of the time; I place myself pretty far on the right side of the curve compared to the general population here. And yet, there are those for whom I hold only sparse generosity. I justify my attitude and seek validation for it. Thankfully, I have dear friends who will provide that emotional validation, remind me of my own standards of conduct, and challenge me to reconcile my actions accordingly.
I come back to the words. How do I label these people and thus prime myself for disconnection rather than connection, the exact opposite of what I always say I want most in life and relationships? It’s an uncomfortable and humbling irony, and one that I am grateful occurs only occasionally. So I am determined to suck all possible learning from each occurrence, in hopes of prevention in future. Disconnect will always happen of course, but my high dream is to look back and see that I did my best to present my best self whenever possible. What do I need for that to happen more reliably?
These questions feel important, but not necessarily urgent. I’m reminded of Rilke’s admonishment to ‘live the questions‘, to simply be alive to them, let the answers reveal themselves over time. I have trained my observation and reflection muscles well; they are tone and strong. So I don’t fear the heavy self-awareness lifts when they cross my path. I can slow down, take a breath, and assess. I get to decide whether and how to approach, detour, confront, or take other action. I’ll know when I need to know, and I am well supported with excellent counsel.
So let’s live some good questions, shall we? The world needs us all to speak and act more thoughtfully and reflectively, and be much better self-regulated.
