Friend pointed me to Andy Borowitz’s Facebook post (11/18/2025) where he shares the transcript of Katie Johnson’s (pseudonym) testimony for a lawsuit she brought against Donald Trump in 2016 for allegedly raping her when she was 13. This led me to Borowitz’s Substack post in which he interviews Kate Manne and discusses the allegations, the media’s tepid response, and the implications of both. Manne states, “Is this proof beyond a reasonable doubt? No. Is this something which we can be absolutely confident happened? I don’t think so. But those are legal standards, not moral ones, and they’re not epistemic ones either. Can we say, if we’re assessing the evidence soberly, that what she says is credible, and can I say I believe her? Absolutely.”
I shared Tanya Eby’s Facebook post (11/19/2025) with my own caption, “Fuck. Yes. I am Piggy. Hear me fucking ROAR” in response to her call, “For every woman out there, for anyone who has ever been abused, for every reporter who is trying to tell the truth, this is the time to embrace your own inner Miss Piggy and speak the truth out loud. Stay centered. Stay rooted. Ask the questions. Embrace your marvelous.”
Harry Shannon posted this on his Instagram page (11/19/2025): “Women reporters will ask Trump difficult questions and suffer his insults while the men in the room look like timid little puppies afraid to upset their master. Are there no men in Washington?” The last sentence landed sideways on me. I understand where it comes from, and it further reinforces our cultural gender dichotomy. Trump’s misogyny and our culture’s tolerance of it is intrinsic by now. And it’s up to all of us, not just men or women, to stand up to it. We are human, and none of us should tolerate for any of us to be treated this way, or for the ‘leader’ of the free world to set such a toxic example.
I could write a dozen Love Notes for Anger. Anger can be an appropriate and healthy response to violations of our core values. But it’s not the vibration I want to emit tonight. What we do with our rage is what matters. And right now the best thing I can think of is to express (and then act productively on) my solidarity with our shared humanity. Whenever I make statements like this I think of Donald Trump, and challenge myself to include him, the most despicable human I can think of right now, in my calls for compassion, kindness, empathy, generosity, etc. 99.5% of me has lost all hope for reconciling his character, and I also believe in miracles. So until we witness divine intervention or something akin, I choose to direct my time, energy, and resources toward the light, like that scene in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince when Dumbledore dies and folks at Hogwarts aim their lit wands to the sky to dissipate the Dark Lord’s black cloud.
We Are Piggy. We’ Got This:
You are worthy of dignity and respect just by virtue of your existence. May I train the fortitude to remind those who deny you this.
2. The defender of humaneness in me calls to the defender of humaneness in you. May we march forward, protecting HUMANITY.
3. I see you. Your humanity is my humanity. May I never forget, and stand up for you when you need me.
4. The first challenger gets dismissed. May the rest of us step up, shoulder to shoulder, and brave the backlash–TOGETHER. Our strength is synergistic.
5. When we see someone’s humanity attacked, may we not only not participate, but may we find the courage to counter. Resist firmly and non-adversarially. We can do it.
6. My Why is connection. My Just Cause is healing relationships and maximizing the greater good through mutual respect. How can we work together this way?
7. Hurt people hurt people, as they say. Wow, LOTS of hurt people walking around now. May you heal your hurt and turn the tide around in your little corner. I hold you up.
8. May your inner Miss Piggy shine. Never let anyone diminish your awesomeness. Own your strength and toss that hair like a queen.
9. We may think love makes us weak and vulnerable. But what greater force is there to drive sacrifice and sustained advocacy? Stoke the love. Stand strong.
10. How do you need me to show up for you? May I do it bravely, lovingly, and with conviction.
11. I know I take my privilege for granted. Your struggles affect me, even if I don’t see it. May I work for your freedom from the worst of our culture.
12. When I witness abuse, may I be a brave upstander and may you join me, leading others to follow.
These turned out better than I anticipated. The call to unity is strong. Let us answer in kind.
Image text: “When you need courage May the fibers of your spine and heart connect in strength and power”
Chengerism, as quoted by Daughter: “OMG Mei, I have the BEST friends!”
Wonderful New Friend had me over to her house yesterday. She offered to go out for lunch, and all I wanted was to be together and talk. We could have eaten cheese and crackers and I would have been happy. So I sat at her kitchen island and she proceeded to pull together the most delicious and satisfying lunch I had all week. We chatted about the kids, the holidays, and our respective homes’ oscillating states of livable pigsty. When we moved from island to sofa, we got into it: “So, the election. Let’s talk.”
OH there was so much! We both vote Blue, and joke that we are the same person: eldest daughters of immigrant engineer dads and nurse moms. Healthcare professionals. White-adjacent women of color. Paper and journal and pen fanatics. And we share many of the same political views, but not all. In the three hours we spent together yesterday, two invaluable insights emerged for me: 1. I really do have the best friends–people who can challenge my assumptions and make me think harder about everything, all in love and to help me grow 2. Part of my role and contribution to political discourse may be to advance healthy allyship.
Google’s AI overview of the term: Allyship is a social justice activism term that describes the actions taken by people in positions of privilege to support marginalized groups: Definition: Allyship is a lifelong process of building relationships with marginalized groups based on trust, consistency, and accountability. It’s an active practice of unlearning and re-evaluating one’s own privilege and working to operate in solidarity with marginalized groups.
I have written about allyship before, and I have another post drafting for later. Tonight I pull the existing catalogue together from 2016 to 2024, so I have it consolidated to reference hereafter. I imagine my own allyship posture and movements will evolve over time, as everything does. Looking back helps to frame where I came from and where I’ve been, and hopefully shows me where I still need to learn and improve. …Wow, there are many more than I realized! Titles and brief exerpts, for my benefit more than yours below. Rereading tonight, I still stand by each piece, and I’m glad I have written it all down through the years.
I Hold Allyship for Us because when we ally with one another, we can do great things. “The only way out is through.” The best way through is together.
Thank you for reading! Onward, friends!
Holding the Space: Beyond ‘Agree to Disagree’, or, A Discussion of White Male Privilege Once we agree to disagree, what then? Where do we go from there? I still believe strongly in the existence of white male privilege, and [my friend] still strongly does not. Let’s assume that both he and I—indeed most of us—are, in fact, kind, decent, compassionate, and intelligent people. Let’s assume also that we all seek productive and positive relationships with others. What, then, are the best and worst manifestations of our respective beliefs? I think it’s an important question. How could we Hold the Space for the answers?
The Status of Women, 1999-2019 What happens for men when women speak Feminism? I intend to ask this question to more men in my life from now on. What do you hear as Feminism? Where do you think it comes from? What do you think women are trying to accomplish by talking about equity and representation? What moves a man to ally with women in this movement? What keeps him from doing so? What are the risks, costs, and benefits for us all when he does and does not?
What I’m Learning About Equity Another new WEL friend, Dr. Dawn Sears, has already taken this idea to heart and made an impact in her community, elevating women’s and men’s awareness of gender disparity in medicine, and helping them fight it together. Check out her powerful presentation to colleagues here, full of evidence as well as unsettling personal stories. In it she directly and kindly addresses the men in the audience, informing and inviting them to join the fight, for all our sakes. She names the contrarian men who have held her up on her professional journey, defying gender bias and paving their own HeForShe way for others. She includes men in order to enroll them in the movement. I encourage all to view the talk—find out how you, as colleague, patient, and all around good citizen, man or woman, can help improve the system for us all.
Sexism and Apologies 2020 What I have learned (perhaps again) in this time, however, is that relationship discord, even just the possibility of it, is what distresses me the most. How will I be perceived for voicing my concerns, for advocating for my peers and teams? How will a negative perception undermine my effectiveness? Will it cost me my seat at this table or others? Does any man ask himself these questions?
This Is the Work We are all called to face our discomfort head on, to stand up and take responsibility. We can no longer escape the harsh reality of choice that we all must continually face: Do what’s Right or do what’s easy. Let’s assume for a moment that it really is that simple—all qualifications moot. It may be unrealistic to expect ourselves to choose Right every time…because qualifications. But aaaaarrrgh we do not do it nearly, nearly enough. Nothing will change without a critical mass of us choosing Right, much more of the time, for a very long time to come.
After discussion with participants he notes, “’Notice that the guys who bring the skills less emphasized in the culture can more quickly identify how the culture works against them. You might imagine the same experience for women and people of color.’ …It’s even more critical in today’s global world that we as members of the dominant group understand our water.” I can’t wait to keep reading and see hearts broken open, as Parker Palmer says, to the power and potential of inescapable interconnectedness.
Even the ‘Oppressor’ Deserves Safety and Support During the [White Men’s] Caucus retreat [led by Michael Welp, author of Four Days to Change], white men are both challenged and supported to dig deep into their own privilege. Inescapable mirrors of truth and profound discomfort, and also of love and compassion, surround them for four days. They are expected to feel tremendous guilt and shame, both natural emotions that occur on the path of self-discovery and humility. But rather than weaponizing these feelings, facilitators love the attendees through them, shepherding them through the emotional (shit)storm to a place of self-compassion and forgiveness. This is where their outward humility, openness, and sincere advocacy for inclusion and diversity take root—because they experience it first hand from their teachers and peer learners. Leadership is hard enough, but leading initiatives in diversity, equity, and inclusion is a whole other dimension of complexity. How can we expect any leader, white male or otherwise (but white males especially), to do it well alone, without a core peer group willing to hold their feet to the fire with both love and conviction?
Why Identity Matters “You have a Chinese face,” my mom said to me. I was ten years old, maybe twelve. I can’t remember how it came up. But the message was twofold and clear: 1. What makes you different from almost everybody around you is visible. You cannot hide it, you cannot escape it. 2. People will judge you for it, so like it or not, to them, you represent us—your family, your ethnicity, all people who look like you. Once again I find myself in this strange, middle, white-adjacent space, considering how I can and should use my unique identity for the greater good. How does an anti-racist message land differently/better/worse when I express it? How do my white colleagues hear me differently/better/worse from/than my Black and other underrepresented minority colleagues? Do I have a bridge role to play here? Or should I keep my head down and my mouth shut (this is unlikely)?
White Male Allies: Please Do This Advice from the doctor carries more weight and influence than from the spouse. Teen peer more than parent. And fellow Cis-Het-Christian-White Male (CHCWM) more than anyone else. So men: how are you helping? It’s more effective if you come alongside rather than come at. Berating, lecturing, or shaming fellow men to take a hard left from their stereotypes, implicit biases, and internalized misogyny hardly ever works. Rather, use your influence more quietly. Lead by example with your words and actions to the slow off-ramp of self-awareness, self-regulation and movement toward gender equality. Be gentle. Plant the seeds. Water, water, light, fertilize, water, light, water.. and eventually we can repot. Scale your influence by connecting with other exemplary leaders. Culture change occurs mostly from the top down, and CHCWMs are the CEOs of American culture.
The Complexity of Allyship So, what are the questions to ask when we consider upstanding and allying? How does this affect me directly? Indirectly? How do I feel about it? What do I think about it (because these are different)? How does this affect people I care about, whom I respect and admire? How does this affect all of our relationships, professional, personal, financial, and other? What do I not know? What core values of mine, of the community, are violated here? How can I best uphold and live into those values in this context? What other questions do I need to ask?
Here is an example of helping in the form of allyship, however inadvertent.
Shane East is now back in LA, returned from Readers Take Denver. He posted a video from his Big Deck immediately on arrival, with a little reflection and invitation:
“Now, how I got my arse from home to the airport and back with all my stuff including a 3ft wide banner was on my trusty Vespa. Strapped and wrapped and ready. People are always surprised when I tell them and often think I can’t possibly fit what I do on there. So in honour of that, what things have you been told you can’t do/make work and you fookin’ went and did it and did, indeed, make it work or more than make it work, made it a success??”
Shane often posts videos asking followers questions like this, that occur to him out of his own, real time experience and observation. When a pair of very old shorts finally died, he asked us what’s in our closets that we refuse to part with. He noticed himself having little outbursts while driving, and asked us about our own road rage. This time he’s calling it his ‘Curiosity for the week’. It makes me happy that we seem to have this in common, as my blog posts also often originate from me wondering about something and then writing to invite you all to wonder about it, too (see Helper post yesterday).
So I wonder whether Shane intended for this post to empower women? He certainly knows that his following is predominantly female, but the vibe of his videos is generally lighthearted and fun rather than overt advocacy of any kind. That said, comments immediately arrived showing in no uncertain terms what his women followers have had to overcome to get what they want in life. They were told they could not do sports, join or survive military service, go back to school, have successful marriages and families, much less while working, and myriad other random ‘you can’t’s. Two that came up for me were playing volleyball well at 5’2″, and doing primary care and loving it. I still roll my eyes at these today.
He was told he couldn’t/shouldn’t carry all the things on his Vespa. He knew better. He exercised his own judgment and agency and proved others wrong. And as usual, he turned that awareness outward, offering us all a chance to reflect on our own agency and self-efficacy, despite the naysayers. Phrases that emerged in the comments included, “Watch me,” and, “I’ve never looked back.” I tell the story that writing these brief comments, recalling the struggles overcome, boosted our sense of accomplishment and pride–gave us a little hit of serotonin. I might have sat up a little straighter or curled my lip a little as I typed my response. I imagine all of us standing a little taller in our resilience and independence, with gumption, just considering his question–an effect that, if repeated, informs our presence in greater society. In this way, I see his post as a man using his platform to empower us women, with our own strengths. To top it off, he has responded to just about every comment with words of affirmation and validation, which tells me he cares. He is an ally by nature, and he manifests it by simply being who he is. What a treasure; I’m so proud to call myself a follower.
So what is up with the naysaying, anyway? Simply, we all do it. It’s our own fears, limiting assumptions, and biases that we project onto others (and ourselves). It’s human, and we don’t have to judge it. We can simply accept that it is likely inevitable in most scenarios. That may seem defeatist, but it’s actually empowering in itself. If I understand that your discouragement is about you, not about me, then I am free to *respectfully* ignore it. I can choose to engage in disagreement and debate or politely excuse myself and get on with it. Of course it’s a different story if you actually stand in my way, but if not, then I am less affected by your negativity; I can brush it off, let it go. Neutral awareness and acceptance are my Teflon. At the same time, however, in advanced human connection practice, I can also query your warning and rationale for any nuance and benefit to my perspective. That is an exercise in maturity and strategy, among other things.
So Shane, in his ever cheerful, observant, and curious way, empowers us women simply by asking open, honest questions that help us remember and reinforce our own strengths and ablities. And what I love most about these posts (both his and mine) is that I only came to these conclusions while writing my morning pages today, Day 103. I revised my morning routine after his suggestion in yet another video on January 3. He helps me in so many ways, and I could not be more grateful. Thank you, Shane!
Healing Through Connection 