Exercise

“There are two kinds of people: those who exercise regularly because it’s who they are and they can’t help it, and those who do it because they know they should.”

When my teacher in medical school said this, I took it as truth. I now see it as partial truth. It reminds me of what little I know of Ayurvedic doshas, an eastern medicine idea of inborn constitutions; the first kind of people above are vata dominant, always active, high energy. The second kind are the rest of us. That said, these ‘constitutions’ are not cut and dry; they exist along a multidimensional spectrum. I don’t know what Ayurvedic medicine says about maleability of constitution, but the older I get the more I think we are all a living paradox: We are who we are from a very young age (before we are even born, in my opinion), and we are constantly changing and evolving throughout our lifetimes.

“You’re an athlete, Cathy.” Wut? My trainer Melissa stated it with a tone of irrefutable certainty. We had worked together maybe four months in 2014; she had observed me try and fail at many new movements, and also make noticeable progress along the way. Before that day I would have identified more as ‘mathlete’. In high school, classes were easy. Volleyball was hard. I participated fully in practice and drills, gave full effort in the weight room, all to be an okay player on the team. I did no other sports. But I kept playing at open gyms, college and med school intramurals, anywhere and anytime I could. To this day, I can still hold my own on a volleyball court. That sunny summer day running through her neighborhood, Melissa assigned me a new distinction, one I may never have considered. I have now proudly claimed it, and today my fitness program is firmly established and thriving. Since Melissa met my Ethos coaches six months ago, I have resumed learning, practicing, and training new movements, awakening dormant muscles and integrating them with what’s already strong and stable. My weight is unchanged, yet my clothes fit better. I’m stronger. I feel better about myself.

Consistency. Results. Progress. Tribe. My exercise pattern today is the best I’ve ever experienced. I wonder what it will look and feel like with another six months of training and beyond? After tearing my ACL in 2017, I know to appreciate any session that doesn’t end in injury. So how could my fitness be better? I must stay on the path, no matter how it winds and climbs. Surgery and changes at work disrupted my personal training schedule. So I rehab’d on my own at home. COVID prevented me from joining Ethos in 2020. So sibs and I did HIIT workouts at home over Zoom for three years. I can work out by myself; I know now that I do it exponentially better and have ‘way more fun with others. So that’s the plan–stick with the group that teaches me and holds me up. If I can do that, I’ll live to be STRONG OLD LADY, not frail old lady.


How would we describe American fitness? What is our exercise identity? ‘Bipolar’ and ‘ironic’ come to mind. On one hand we positively obsess over it all. If you live in any urban or suburban setting, you can practically fall out your front door and land in a gym of some kind. Sports apparel’s new fashion (genre?), Athleisure, now accounts for nearly 20% of online clothing sales. So you can at least look like an athlete when you walk around outside of the gym. On the other hand, according to the CDC, “60 percent of US adults do not engage in the recommended of activity,” and “approximately 25 percent of Americans are not active at all.” Well duh. Let’s take a look at just two correlates:

Infrastructure. American geographic sprawl necessitates transportation in the static sitting position, in cars, trains, and buses. Neither roadways nor transit culture make cycling or other self-powered locomotion appealing or feasible to anyone but the most determined, avid, and resourced. Most of us barely walk anywhere anymore, to the point of having to track daily step counts to goad us into getting up and moving at all.

Work culture. “Moreover, more than 80% of American jobs involve mostly sedentary activities,” statistics reported in 2021. This worsened for many with the pandemic, as remote work tied to a fixed computer video screen eliminated incidental movement within and between office spaces and in transit (walking to the train station or parking lot is still walking), reducing workday steps to the distance between bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen.

How can we make this better? Some simple, though not easy, ideas:

Stairs. Build them beautifully and out in the open, as centerpieces of our public spaces instead of last resort, emergency egress. Make it normal and the default to take the stairs instead of the elevator.

“5 of the best office staircase design ideas” –www.robinpowered.com

Get off camera. Do you really need that Zoom meeting? Do you need to meet at all? Whatever can be converted to a (concise!) email or voice call, do it. Hold folks accountable for preparation and brevity so all time spent meeting is valuable and productive. Then give them the time back so they can get away from their desks, accompish more tasks both personal and professional, and get more sleep, so they can be more motivated for the workouts they can now fit into their days.

Sit to stand desks. Make them standard in offices and reimburse workers to get them at home.

Give people balance boards and mini steppers as remote work onboarding gifts.

How else can we modify our systems and structures to lower the threshhold to get off our butts? What do you see around you that’s working already?

The Transformative Power of Community

AIYAAAAAH IT’S JUST TOOOOO GOOOOOOD!!!

Friends, please meet my new beach volleyball teammates! We are the Ethos team at North Avenue Beach on Wednesday evenings, woohooooooo!! I have played since 7th grade, and never on sand until this summer. And I can’t think of another group I would feel safer and have more fun doing it with. How many times have I mentioned Ethos and how I love the team there? Well it keeps getting better, I just cannot say (or write) enough!

In the last four months I have increased weight from 50# to 105# on barbell back squats, 12.5# to 20# on dumbbell bench press at any angle, 35# to 70# on landmine squats, and all kinds of other personal strength and endurance records. In that time I also hit some speed bumps and potholes: left sciatic impingement (April-May), left medial meniscus aggravation (May to last week), left shoulder instability (ongoing and improving), and right brachioradialis spasm (July to present, also improving). Bottom lines: 1) I never would have tried loading weight like this on my own at home, thus my strength and form stagnated. 2) Had I injured myself working out at home, I would not have known how to modify anything to continue moving and progressing safely. But with the support and encouragement of the coaches and community at Ethos, strength, form, confidence, motivation, and joy and connection have all improved exponentially.

“There can be a fine line between rehab and performance,” Jacob told me. EUREKA! Lighten up on weight this week, focus on range of motion, Ryan advised. They taught me hip, knee, neck, and wrist CARs. Listen to my body. Take care of it with good sleep and nutrition. Be patient. No judgment. Keep coming to class, spirit buoyed by friends. Coaches continue to monitor and correct. And voila: healing and progress, competence and confidence, HALLELUJAH!

I have never, in my entire life, loved going to the gym like I do now, and it’s all because of the people. So when I heard about the beach volleyball group, it was a no brainer to join. My world expands newly after 38 years of indoor play, adjusting to various outdoor conditions (twilight/night, wet/dry and deep/shallow sand, and wind, OMG!). Lessons in team communication emerge in yet another domain. And between gym and beach, uplifting new friendships bloom. I mean does it get any better than this?? I feel positively giddy from it all!

How do your communites support, even carry you? As I thought more this weekend about belonging, connection, and mutual, synergistic uplift, meaningful examples appeared everywhere.

New Friend described his spiritual community to me and I could feel, from his facial expressions, voice, and posture, the deep stability and peace he gets from that connection. The Sheil Catholic Center has been that for me since college, not because of religion per se, but again because of the people. Shared spiritual belief and core values play a primary role in Friend’s and my belonging in these groups, and deep connection can occur around anything: Meditation, yoga, sports, volunteering, book club, work…

How many different communities include you, make you better, and benefit reciprocally from your unique presence and participation?

OMG Romance! WHODATHUNK? 11 months in and still binging strong, my friends. Since I posted initially last November, my consumption has expanded from steamy cis-het-binary-monogamous rom-coms to novels that include male-male, dark, fantasy, paranormal, mafia, dominant-submissive, and polyamorous themes! My vicarious sex and relationship education continues with momentum and ardent support–you guessed it–from the romance community! I would never have found any of these stories and experiences if not for the Shaneiaks Facebook group and guidance from the indefatiguable Suzi over at Royal Reads Services, group admin and expert in all things romance publishing. I have always been open and comfortable talking to my patients and kids about sex, and today I’m even more confident and bold. Ask me anything, tell me anything, and I will engage with a whole new level of openness now. By the way, if you also seek to broaden your horizons in this domain, I highly recommend Boyslut by Zachary Zane.

How do your communities support others?

Once again, the romance community inspires me. When author Lili Valente‘s house was destroyed by recent floods in the Northeast, her fans came together to support her through direct book purchases on her website. This week author Lucy Eden has organized RomanceforMaui, an upcoming auction to raise money for those affected by the most devastating wildfires in the United States in 100 years. Check out the auction items–consider bidding for yourself, your romance fan friends, and for the people on Maui. Finally, see how romance narrators, authors, and audiobook producers come together to support their BIPOC colleagues by providing grants and services to bring their work forth through Audio in Color. Simply amazing.

I am such a better version of myself because I belong to these tribes, wow, how humbling and exciting.

It occurs to me that membership in some communities can actually transform us into worse versions of ourselves… *sigh*… More on that in later post, perhaps…

Relationships. They can kill us or save us, and so much more. Our communities of deep and meaningful belonging can enrich, expand, educate, and empower us, often to heights we could never have imagined. How can we build and grow more of these connections, strengthen them for the good of all? I have some ideas…

One Perfect Day

“What would constitute a ‘perfect’ day for you?”

Some of you may recognize this as one of “36 Questions That Lead to Love,” a popular and oft-cited article by Daniel Jones in the New York Times in 2015, based on Arthur Aron’s study published in 1997. I could never generate a plausible answer, thinking superficially. And every time I read the article, I think of Nigel Marsh’s description of his ideal day–see 4:50 of his 2011 TED Talk. Basically he spends quality time with family, works about 6 hours, hangs out with friends, exercises, and has sex four times.

Coming across the question again in You’re Not Listening by Kate Murphy yesterday, I realized how close to perfect my day off was this week. Here’s how it went, with brackets inserted that would have made it truly ideal:

Wake up after 7 hours of sleep, in a fantastic mood, giddily looking forward to the day.
Move through morning routine easily, no rush or urgency.
Talk to Mei on the way to school, discussing her musings on anything that comes to mind.
Eat a light and tasty breakfast, sweet and salty, carb and protein, and coffee–oh yes, pour over coffee, nice and slow.
Consume a book and/or articles: on audio, digital, and/or print, romance and/or other, in the kitchen and car.

Ethos class! Challenged, educated, strengthened, and energized through coaching and community. I am now quoted on their social media:

Lunch with Dear Friend #1, communing over gorgeous salad, an Arnold Palmer, and shared ideals of leadership, friendship, and inner work.
[Find squishy armchair in a bookstore coffee shop, where I journal my reflections from lunch, reveling in the time and space to meet my friend and feed my soul.]

Browse bookstore, purchase artistic yet understated journal for Dear Friend #2, because everybody deserves pretty paper to write on.
Run into Dear Friend #3 on the way to meet DF2, reconnecting after many months and checking in–yay!
Walk and talk with DF2 [on wooded trails of Summit County–or] near Lake Michigan, stopping to photograph beauty that catches our eyes.
We discuss culture and relational leadership, exchange perspectives, and brainstorm ways to help systems and their people flourish.

[Find a shady bench, near spring blooms and urban wildlife, to sit and journal again, recording ideas, plans, aspirations, BHAGs.]

Pick up Mei from school, she’s energized more than stressed.
Pull fresh ingredients from fridge, audiobook or Agape music in the ears while chopping and stir frying.
Have a light and easy dinner, somebody else cleans up.
Mill around enjoying the house and its memories [it’s clean and neat, all plants watered and thriving].
Complete a relaxed night time routine, including pleasant smelling skin treatments.
More writing [and reading] in bed, all leftover words effused [and/or absorbed] for the day.
Lights out, burrowed in the covers, some intimate connection, sated in all 5 reciprocal domains of health.
Still high the next day and beyond, absolutely buoyed.

So what makes this day so perfect? What makes me so unreasonably and residually happy from it?
The ingredients:
Time
Autonomy
Good sleep
Movement
Communion with people I care about and who care about me
Good food
Alternating rhythm between activity and rest; among input, processing, and output
Nature, especially sunlight
Social, emotional, and intellectual connection, both intra- and inter-.

Would I want to live this day every day? I think not, even if it were possible… Although I could easily imagine repeating it a few times over a languid vacation.

When I cannot/will not get a whole day like this at a time, how can I incorporate something perfect into each day? This question excites me with potential. It wouldn’t take much of any/each of the ingredients above, in any combination, to make any day a little more ideal. Some advance planning, mindfulness, and real time gratitude could go a long, long way. By this time next year, regardless of what’s happening around me that I cannot control, my life in general—all days—could be a lot closer to perfect, even more excellent, than they already are.