Holding the Energies

Posted on November 7, 2024 by Catherine Cheng, MD

How fascinating.

How are we feeling today? Am I the only one who finds it hard to describe? That’s disconcerting, as I can usually find the exact words I want to express anything. I realized by this evening that it’s not just emotions I feel; it’s not just physical sensations. It’s energies, not just one but multiple. So let’s see if I can articulate any of it well enough that anyone can relate? Here we go:

Existential
Deep, at one’s core, relating to one’s existence altogether. Donald Trump’s rhetoric is one of dehumanization. He compares people who oppose him to animals, refers to humans as objects, receptacles for bullets and things to grab. He incites deep seated fears and resentment within and among myriad groups, which has erupted in sudden and severe violence enough times to make us all fear for our very lives. It’s fight or flight–survival threat alertness energy. It’s his energy–agitated and tense–that resonates with and amplifies the like in us all and divides us with the unmitigated force of the Colorado River if someone bombed the Hoover Dam. I wonder how high his supporters’ stress hormones were before he won, as he convinced so many that their lives as they know them would end lest he rise to power? I know mine is markedly higher now afterward. This is sympathetic stress in action–in both advocates and the resistance, for existentially divergent and convergent reasons–fear of one another.

Lymphatic
‘Pale, flabby, sluggish.’ Extruded fluid from body tissues collects in the lymphatic system and returns to circulation at the heart. But it does not flow in a steady, pulsatile rhythm like blood in vessels. It meanders, passing through various filters (lymph nodes, spleen) where the complex work of the immune system defends us against pathogens. It’s like a vast network of languid rivers and tributaries, dense with waters that can both sustain and harm us. I feel this energy today–slow, almost listless, though purposeful. It feels like a compensatory response to the agitation of existential threat, a forced slowing to maintain function and not run around chasing my tail in futile worry and catastrophization. It feels like a conserving energy, feeding a reserve for future deployment. I have wanted to defy it these few days, to rev and run. Now I think I will listen and heed.

Fierce
Oooh, but there is a rumble. That clarity and conviction I mentioned at the beginning of yesterday’s post smolders and growls in the deep of my soul. Very early yesterday I thought with Bring It energy, “Well SHIT, now I really have to walk this talk of connection across division and relational leadership.” Tonight, while that commitment strengthens, another familiar and recently dormant energy arises–that of advocacy. Solidarity, shoulder to shoulder, rising, force of nature, powerful energy. And let me be clear: It is power to, not power over. It is non-adversarial change agency energy, though its vector opposes another. Think matriarchal elephant moving felled tree trunk for the herd to pass, not charging bull rhino.

OH I’m so glad I embarked on this verbal exploration tonight! So tell me, does it speak to you? I’m curious how it lands on those who voted for him.

There is much to consider in the coming days, months, and years… generations. How will we harness, expend, and renew the energies that sustain us and our just causes? How will we conserve our energies for full mission propulsion, rather than wasting any on unnecessary and counterproductive friction? How can we marry humility, generosity, and kindness with fierceness, conviction, and intensity? This middle space of integration–the liminal margin where infinite possibility lives–this is where I intend to root down.

I Hold the Energies for Us that help us engage in accordance with our values, our strengths, our gifts, and our aspirations.

I Hold the Energies for Us that resist mutual alienation and destruction.

I Hold the Energies for Us that allow our best inner natures to emerge and shine, for the benefit and advancement of all.

That’s enough for now, my friends. May you know your own energies and how they serve you, tonight and going forward. See you here tomorrow.

Holding Space

Posted on November 6, 2024 by Catherine Cheng, MD

“Between stimulus and response lies a space. In that space lie our freedom and power to choose a response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.“

This quote is most often attributed to Viktor Frankl, psychologist, Holocaust survivor, and author of Man’s Search for Meaning. I see it also as a central tenet of stoicism, though I’m not sure stoics would agree. Regardless, this is where I land tonight. Donald Trump has won the presidential election. I hold space for us all tonight, breathing deeply, grounding body, mind, and soul in my deepest core values, life purpose, and the Infinite Game. I know exactly what I’m here to do, and I intend to persevere with clarity and conviction. But tonight is not the time to push my own agenda on anyone.

I write this blog for a general audience, and try to be cognizant of any reader’s political leaning or other identity. Tonight, however, my thoughts are with those who wanted the other result. I see, hear, and feel the pain, fear, despondence, shock, numbness, disbelief, rage, and so much else–so much, so much. For those who are happy with the result, I hope you can also hold space for us. We are in grief. I hope we can self-regulate and not lash out and off-load. And if we do, I hope you can hold space for that too–space for empathy, compassion, grace, and shared humanity. It’s what I would want (indeed admonish) us to do if you were in our shoes.

I hold space for us to RAIN the hard feelings, as Tara Brach teaches–Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture–if we want. I can also simply sit (stand, hunch, squat) with us, hold it all with us, be with us. We don’t have to do anything else right now.

The future is uncertain, no matter how fervently we may believe we know the ending today. What is certain is that we will all have to live it together. How will we be with one another–what will be our response to this most intense stimulus? We can figure that out later; it will emerge and evolve, maybe explode, who knows. We will get there when we get there.

For now, the space. We can settle here a while, be still, breathe. Whatever you feel tonight, I validate it. Whatever you need right now, I hope you have it in spades.

I Hold Space for Us tonight. I breathe my deepest breaths, over and over, with and for us all. I hold arms outstretched, palms up and open. I hold posture upright and supple. I hold mind and heart open. I Hold Space.

Until tomorrow, friends. See you then.

Holding Gentleness

Posted on November 5, 2024 by Catherine Cheng, MD

“…A kinder, gentler nation.” –George HW Bush

President Bush the First came to my high school during his campaign for a second term in 1991. I got to speak on behalf of Students Against Driving Drunk (SADD–which I just learned is now Students Against Destructive Decisions) and sit next to him on stage. Decades later my classmate would tell me that the photo of that event which hung in the main office is actually a Getty Image. I’m convinced they put me in that chair so people could get a good view of him–he was at least a foot taller than me. He was also such a decent man. I so admired him, and Barbara, too–I read her memoir in college. I know there are many decent, kind, and gentle people all around. That is what I hold tonight, no matter what anybody says.

Clouds and rain glowered over Chicago today, though temps were still very mild for November. Other than the hour when I PR’d my bench press (6 reps, 80#, all me!) at Ethos this morning, my energy has felt dim and slow. These last couple days I wonder if I’m more anxious about the election than I realized. Huh. Good opportunity to practice some body scan meditation and breath work. As I write this, the usual states have shown their usual colors. I will post this and go to bed, and deal with it all tomorrow.

So how can we all cope with things in the morning and beyond?

Gently is the best word I can muster tonight.

My conservative friend in Alabama went to work the day after the election in 2016 [note: I have corrected this post. The prior version stated he voted for Trump in 2016; he did not]. He did not gloat. His colleague arrived in tears and he held her in a hug. I hope this kind of interaction happens all over the country, tomorrow and onward. Hugs. Gentleness in both triumph and grief. I hope we’ll eventually be able to say both, “See, it’s not as bad as some of us thought it would be,” and also, “Yeah, it’s not the utopia that some of us had assumed.” Because things are rarely all bad or all good like we imagine or expect. What we must do, however, is to admit these things to one another, honestly and humbly. And it’s only safe to do this if we are gentle with ourselves and others, both in person and in rhetoric.

Our threshholds for distress and self-care practices vary. Let us be patient with ourselves and one another. Some will withdraw and cocoon, others will need tighter, brighter connections and out loud processing. Yet more of us will react in new, unfamiliar ways. We will all benefit from one another’s soft words and touch, our respective strengths and generosity in complementary presentation. This is how we save ourselves from political and interpersonal toxicity.

A kinder, gentler world, indeed.
The more we believe it’s possible, the more we will act to make it so.

I Hold Gentleness for Us all, as we approach our shared future. Whatever it is, we will all suffer less if we can be more gentle with ourselves and our fellow humans.

Take a look at the Instagram panels below. Let us consider them for ourselves and in our like-minded groups. How can we set down the adversarial spikes toward others and take up the tools to rebuild our connections? Gently, gently, ever gently.