How Not to Engage

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NaBloPoMo 2018: What I’m Learning

My friend Alex* posted about being a nurse and how she loves it despite having to always hold her pee, skip lunch, and get bled on, puked on, peed on, and yelled at, all while missing her family and taking care of yours.  One of her friends, we will call him Greg, commented that until nurses unionize and demand professional respect ‘just like physicians,’ nothing will change.

My impulsive (GRRR!) response:  “Trust me, physicians are struggling, too. I propose that we stand up for one another. Then we’d really be a strong force. And in the end it benefits us all–doctors, nurses, patients, the whole care team and, most importantly, patients. Also, I don’t know of any unions that physicians can join, but there are ones that nurses can: https://nurse.org/articles/pros-and-cons-nursing-unions/”  Okay, I know, saying, “Trust me,” is not a good way to get someone to trust or listen to you.  And my reply was defensive in its origin.  I sincerely believe what I wrote, though, that allied advocacy is an untapped force for good in medicine.  Physicians, patients, nurses, all healthcare professionals—why should we not actively support one another in all of our efforts to achieve a more cohesive, efficient, fair, and collaborative system, one that works better for all of us?  Why can we not embrace our connections and combine our voices to call for change?

Greg replied that basically he does not believe that physicians are “struggling,” and he does not see how we would stand up for one another.  After Alex described that I’m a physician “who will always help the nurses,” he wrote that doctors “can’t be in the business of supporting nurses.”  That we should “be in the business of supporting” ourselves, and “from all the research I’ve ever seen, they’ve continued to do a pretty good job of it.  Good for them.”  He expressed support for physicians’ right to advocate for ourselves.  In each reply, he continued to make his point that nurses should unionize.

I find this thread fascinating.  There are so many ways Greg and I could interpret each other’s replies.  When he talks about demanding respect ‘like physicians’ through unions, what benefits and outcomes does he imagine will follow?  When I say “struggling,” I wonder what he thinks I mean?  Actually he asks me, “How exactly are physicians struggling?”  He goes on to write, “Nurses are nurses and should be for nurses.”  All of his comments and the tone I inferred from them caused me to beg off of the thread.  Too bad, it might have been an interesting conversation—if we could have it in person.  Maybe we can later.

But it motivated me to look up some information to post here, in case anybody wonders ‘how physicians are struggling.’  The answer is burnout, depression, suicide, and leaving work that we love because it simply costs us too much—and I mean costs other than money.

Physician burnout is well described and referenced.

Doctors suffer from burnout in especially high numbers, according to the study, which was designed to offer a representative snapshot of doctors and the general U.S. working population. Nearly half of U.S. physicians – 49 percent – meet the definition for overall burnout, compared with 28 percent of other U.S. workers. More than 54 percent of doctors have at least one symptom of burnout, a more detailed analysis found.

Doctors also register more than one and a half times the general working public’s rates of emotional exhaustion and depersonalization. Working a median 50 hours per week, their satisfaction with work-life balance is far lower than that of others: 36 percent versus 61 percent.

medscape burnout causes 2018

Medscape Survey 2018

There are myriad causes for physician burnout, and most of them lie in the system, not in our inherent lack of resilience or because of some intrinsic defect in our collective character.  The electronic health record has accelerated our dissatisfaction with work.  It does so by creating innumerable clicks to accomplish menial tasks, burdening us with data entry that detracts from actual medical decision making and patient care, and putting a physical barrier between us and our patients, further separating us in relationship.  Burned out and dissatisfied doctors are distracted, less empathetic, and aloof, and we may even make more mistakes.  And when we aren’t well, our patients aren’t well.

A 2015 Mayo Clinic study reported that roughly 40 percent of physicians suffer depression each year and almost 7 percent had considered suicide within the prior 12 months. It is estimated that 300 to 400 doctors take their lives every year.

The pain and suffering those statistics only hint at is bad enough. But they are compounded by findings that burnout corrodes the doctor-patient relationship, resulting in lower levels of patient satisfaction, job satisfaction and productivity, as well as higher levels of medical errors and disruptive behavior.

Burnout is also connected to the decision to switch jobs or leave medicine altogether — an ominous trend as the U.S. experiences a growing doctor shortage.

 

I have not addressed here the challenges that nurses face every day.  My mom is a nurse, and I have worked with nurses my whole career.  I see how they are treated by the system and by patients, and also by us physicians.  And yes, my extracurricular activities focus solely on advocating for physician health and well-being.  Maybe I should learn more about nurse burnout and job satisfaction, and figure out ways to advocate for my nursing friends and colleagues better.

Or maybe it’s too much to ask for groups to stick up for one another.  Maybe Greg is right, and it should be every tribe for itself, let others take care of their own.  Maybe it doesn’t do any good for people to know how and how much doctors “struggle.”  I don’t know.  But I have learned now not to instigate such debates on my friends’ pages on social media.

*Not her real name

 

 

I Hurt My Friend Today

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NaBloPoMo 2018:  What I’m Learning

Bummer, it’s no longer November 8.  Well, that’s the humbling kind of week it’s been.

I sat in a meeting with a friend today.  I expressed a perception and opinion about an issue on which she and I have divergent perspectives.  It was early morning (not my best time of day), and I was still emotionally hung over from yesterday.  I spoke up more and louder than usual and may have been a bit aggressive—not toward her or anyone personally, but about my opinion.

Afterward I asked her, “Was I too bitchy?”  I was querying her impressions of how my words and expressions landed on others.  Turns out I had really hurt her personally, and I had no idea.  The fantastic news is this friend shares my values of honesty, empathy, and open communication, so we talked it through in the afternoon.  Even though we had discussed the issue before, today we took more time.  We each listened hard and heard, more clearly than before, details about how decisions were made and how messages were received and perceived.  We dug deeper into underlying snags in relationships between groups, the culture and mindset of team members, and the dynamics that basically hamstrung everybody’s best efforts in the situation.

In the end we agreed that we’re all doing the best we can, and we also have a lot to learn from one another.  We acknowledged that there is room for everybody to own their shit a little more, and that calling a ‘my bad’ and ‘do-over’ of some parts may be the best way to make amends and move forward with more trust and cohesion.  We agreed that we could all benefit from more conversation, acknowledgement, transparency, empathy, attention to people’s feelings and mindset, and mutual understanding.  We brainstormed about what that all might look like; I got kinda excited.

At the end of the conversation we congratulated ourselves on both our courage to give each other some hard feedback, and how we were able to listen with love and generosity of spirit.  Maybe it was easier because we are friends.  But it’s the practice when it’s easy that prepares us for when it’s hard, right?  I’m so proud of us; we really lived into our best relationship potential today.  We walked our talk.  Nobody witnessed it, but we know what we did.  [fist bump, high five emojis]

Here’s to friends holding each other accountable for the consequences of our words and actions, and upholding each other to be our best selves. I wish you all more friends like this.

Rally

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NaBloPoMo 2018:  What I’m Learning

In my first practice it was common for whole families to be my patients.  Grandparents, parents, children, grandchildren, cousins, and other webbed relations.  My fondest memories of those years revolve around witnessing the love, tension, and ultimate cohesion of these complex units of humanity.

One day Grandma came for a routine follow up visit.  We reviewed her blood pressure, glucose, and cholesterol numbers.  She wanted to lose some weight.  Everything was stable, but something seemed off.  I could not put my finger on it, and when I asked if everything was okay she said yes.  This scenario repeated maybe once or twice more over some months, and slowly we agreed she was depressed, though I’m not sure if I ever used that word.  There was no trigger, no event.  She had not had a history of depression.  She was just down, she did not know why, and she could not make it go away.

Grandma came from a culture and a generation that did not feel comfortable doing talk therapy.  She was also reticent to take prescription anti-depressants, even if they might help her feel better.  But she was happy to see me more regularly, just so I could keep track of her medical problems and make sure she was okay.  We reviewed the same list each time: fatigue, low mood, anhedonia.  No suicidality, biometrics stable.

Sometimes I would also see Son, Daughter-in-law, or Granddaughter.  I would ask them how Grandma was doing.  They never used the word ‘depressed,’ but they described how she was ‘kind of down,’ ‘sad,’ ‘going through a hard time.’  And then they would tell me what they were doing about it.  Someone would always be at Grandma’s house, keeping her company.  Sister would invite her out to lunch.  Granddaughter would take her out shopping.  Everybody attended to her just a little more, rallying around her, and nobody ever talked about why.

Grandma herself rallied, and her depression lifted over time.  In Chinese the expression for this is equivalent to having ‘walked out’ of it, like depression is a long tunnel in the mountain.  What a privilege to bear witness to this phenomenon—the family saw Grandma walking in a dark place, and they moved in a little closer, each with their own candle, lamp, or torch.  They helped light her way, and they all walked out with her together.

I had a shit day today, mostly of my own making.  Cramming in too many things, all scheduled too close together, trying to do too much, falling down on multiple levels, and adversely affecting multiple people around me.  I almost bailed on a chance to be with an amazing group of people tonight, out of exhaustion and self-loathing.  But these were my friends and I had not seen many of them in several months.  I felt quite listless at the beginning of dinner, not unlike I imagine Grandma felt.  But as I communed with my tribe, reconnected, and met a new friend, I started to feel better.  The yummy duck helped, too.  They could intuit a shadow on me.  And with gentleness and respect for boundaries, my friends rallied around me.  It was not pity or sympathy.  It was genuine empathy and wishes for my well-being.  So I rallied, too.

Things feel overwhelming more often now than before.  The anger, bickering, blaming, and self-righteousness I see, hear, and feel all around (and within) me really gets under my skin—ha, literally, I guess.  I know this will never be a permanent state; I will feel better tomorrow.  It’s also an interesting opportunity to observe how I’m walking the self-care talk—including the self-compassion part.  Fascinating.

Well friends, that’s what’s on my mind tonight.  My patients save me by teaching me.

I’m going to bed.  So I can rally some more tomorrow, and maybe help someone else do the same.