#AtoZChallenge: A Mantra For Mistakes

This month’s topic of discussion with my awesome third year medical students was dealing with medical Mistakes and adverse outcomes.  The students are required to write blog posts each month, answering a particular question related to the topic.  It is then my job to facilitate a small group discussion around their responses.  I struggle with it every month, because their writing brings up so many thoughts and responses in me, and yet I know I need to hold that back and focus on fostering their dialogue, instead.  Every meeting feeds my soul, and I always walk away rewarded.

The conversation this time started out more animated than usual, which made me very excited.  It seems they felt like the topic had been well-flogged by now, starting from videos during first year orientation warning that we all commit errors and to just expect it.  And though the topic might have seemed tiresome, their energy in discussing was the opposite.

We recounted some of the stories they told in their blog posts, in which they consistently expressed empathy for patients, families, and care teams when mistakes were made or patient care was compromised in some way.  I wanted to steer the discussion toward reconciliation.  We all know that mistakes will happen; doctors are human, after all.  But then again, our errors often result in grave consequences.  Further, grave consequences happen even when no errors are committed.  So how can we best prepare for, prevent, and manage these situations?

One of the Stud(ent)s eventually offered that patients just want to be seen and heard.  Ding-ding-ding-ding, flashing lights, confetti poppers, and The Price Is Right you-just-won-a-brand-new-car! music immediately vibrated in my head.  I wonder if they noticed, but I think I was completely emotionally hijacked—in a good way for me, not so sure for them.  It’s because this is what I have been thinking and saying for years now.  Whenever I’m in a room with a patient, or when I’m practicing and teaching motivational interviewing, my chief concern is whether or not the patient feels acknowledged.  Because nothing I say or do will be accepted if they don’t feel I’m fully present.  I immediately jumped on the idea and professed my own list of what patients (and really, all of us) want: To be seen, heard, understood, accepted, and loved.  Then, assuming we all agreed on these as relationship goals between patients and us, I asked the group to list what actions they could take to achieve them.  When standing at the doorway before a patient encounter, what can we remind ourselves to do to make patients feel these five things?  At this point I was definitely seized—I could not hold back, I would not let go—I had to drill the list over and over—our ‘discussion’ turned didactic for a while.  *sigh* I got a little carried away.

The students take turns documenting the central ideas from our sessions.  Here is what the appointed Stud Scribe wrote:

THE MANTRA:

  • SEEN
  • HEARD
  • UNDERSTOOD
  • ACCEPTED
  • LOVED

Strategies:

  • greet the patient
  • sit down
  • make eye contact
  • tell them what you are doing
  • no interrupting, gentle redirection
  • reflective listening
  • prioritize problem list (together)

 

I love that word, Mantra.  It’s a reminder—an anchor, or a beacon—that keeps us focused on our central values and goals.  It gives us stability and bearing when we find ourselves adrift.  I did not suggest that word to our transcriber, but I am grateful he chose it, as it was perfect for the ‘M’ post in this A to Z Challenge.  That list really is a Mantra, isn’t it?

We mentioned the idea that malpractice lawsuits occur less, when patients feel their doctors have communicated well and truly care, regardless of whether errors are committed.  And though our principal objective in medicine should not be simply to avoid lawsuits, I think the incidence of malpractice claims can serve as a kind of barometer for patient-physician communication and relationship.

I think the Mantra and behaviors the students outlined are simple and effective, and can be applied in all relationships.  Kudos to the group for tolerating my little outburst and staying engaged.  I sincerely hope they found it helpful in some way, and I will try to control myself better next time.  Maybe they can forgive my Mistake this time, if I successfully practiced the strategies in service of our Mantra. 🙂

 

#AtoZChallenge: LOVE

Teeheehee, a Little Late…

One year ago yesterday I launched this blog, Happy Blogoversary to me! 😀

It started as a platform to explore ways to reconnect patients and physicians in the increasingly divisive healthcare system.  And while that idea still stands central to the theme of the blog, I soon realized a much larger and more important principle:  The best practices apply across all relationships, not just doctor-patient relations.  The more I write, read, and explore, the bolder I have grown in my writing.

The very best outcome (so far) of starting this blog has been the LOVE I have received from others around it.  From the beginning, fellow bloggers have engaged, welcomed, encouraged, challenged, and nurtured me.  My friends and family have also held me up—following me via email, commenting on Facebook and the blog itself.  A vast community of support has stood up around me as I took this risk to share my mind publicly.  If they looked down on blogging, they kept it to themselves and encouraged me anyway.  If they thought I wouldn’t stick with it, I imagine they secretly wished me persistence, and then grace if I failed.  Because of all of these people, I have confidence to continue striving to bring forth the best in me, to share with everybody, in the hopes of creating something meaningful.

What if everybody had this chance?  What if every time someone wanted to do something bold and new, we met them with this much LOVE, cheer, praise, and affirmation?  Doing so does not mean blindly endorsing frivolous endeavors and wasted energy.  We can always offer LOVE along with tactful words of truth and pragmatism.  Even when, or especially when, projects fail terrifically, everybody can learn and grow.  LOVE from others at the outset makes us more resilient to failure.  LOVE from others at the moment of failure, as opposed to ridicule, shame, and sarcasm, makes us humble, grateful, and more brave, as opposed to defensive, angry, and humiliated.

Adequate words do not exist to express my deepest and most sincere gratitude to all who have LOVED me throughout my life, including those who have LOVED me through my blogging adventure so far.  May I pay it forward, and find ways to LOVE others whenever I have the chance.  If I can do that, then I will truly contribute to making the world a better place.

 

 

 

#AtoZChallenge: Kindness and Kickassery

kick ass be kind

Image courtesy of Facebook/Pinterest.

I love this meme because of the unexpected juxtaposition of Kindness and Kickassery.  There aren’t many great ‘K’ words, but these are definitely my favorite. But what does it mean?  How can we apply this wonderful combination of words in everyday life?  My daughter gave me some ideas recently.  She has been interested in Japanese culture for a while, and recently got into the Inuyasha comic series.  I asked her why she likes it so much.  She said it’s helping her feel more brave, and that she likes the heroine, Kagome, because she’s “tough and kind.”  She is willing to go through hardships to help the other protagonist, Inuyasha.  That’s it!  Kindness and Kickassery!

We talked about some movie characters she also likes (I like them, too): Black Widow from the Marvel movies, and Ilsa Faust from Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation.  We decided we thought they, too, were “tough and kind.”  We admire their Kickass fighting skills, their ability to hold their own among the boys, and their dedication to mission, as well as their ability to connect to other characters on an emotional level.  As I think about it I can’t say that kindness is their chief strength, but I can still apply this mantra to my own life.

Kick Ass simply means do it like you mean it. No holding back, be your badass self.  No apologies.  Because Kickass, and its cousin Badass, are the antitheses of Half-ass.

Kindness means do it in the service of treating others well, of holding them up—no matter who they are, no matter what you’re doing, no matter how hard.

So in a way, it’s the perfect combination. Because Kickass by itself has potential to harm—if we do things thoughtlessly, brazenly, and without regard to other people’s feelings.  Combined with Kindness, though, we are grounded in, once again, our connections with others.  Kindness channels our Kickass energy always in a positive direction.  Sometimes we may worry that being Kind will lead to others taking advantage of us.  But just picture it: Kindness with the force of a no-holds-barred-I-got-this-just-stand-aside-and-let-me-work-here-please attitude carries weight.  This kind of robust confidence, rooted in doing the right thing, commands respect and deference from would-be naysayers.

So let’s all try to practice some Kickass Kindness,eh?