Tag Archives: Beastly Beauty Jennifer Donnelly

Holding Stories of Humanity

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My intuition knows.

“My TBL is so long, I should only listen to new books.”
“I should listen to my open non-fictions and keep learning–The Fourth Turning, Man’s Search for Meaning, Born Liars.”
“I should start something relevant to now, to help me help, like I Never Thought of it That Way.”

Nope. Beastly Beauty by Jennifer Donnelly wins, and it’s all good. I can only engage with this story in this moment, and I know exactly why. My review from earlier this year:

Donnelly retells Beauty and the Beast with astute and imaginative gender role reversal. Such exquisitely clever writing, an intricate and stimulating story, and so many life lessons intertwined and artfully presented–HIGHLY RECOMMEND!
Heroine is nerdy, kind, and complex, caught between her own strong, gifted nature and toxic, choking social norms. Hero steals a reader’s heart with his own one of gold, his fortitude and loyalty. Ancillary characters provide depth and elaboration to the twisty, always engaging story arc–11 hours of audio went by in a flash–I could hardly put it down. I have admired Steve West’s solo full cast performances in books like For Love of Magic and the Queen’s Thief series, but his talents shine forth on even brighter display in this piece more than any other: Men, women, children, and personalities that span all of humanity and our full sweep of emotions, quite literally.
I have purchased the book in print now to annotate and consolidate lessons in self-awareness, self-regulation, effective communication, and emotional integration… All from a reinvented fairy tale. BRAVA!

Sometimes we can approach politics from a new and different angle. Tonight I approach by way of excellent fiction. Thank God for gifted writers like Donnelly, who show us our hearts, traumas, demons, and foibles with compassion, humor, and grace. Fiction’s paradox is that it provides escape and introspection all at once–freeing us from while also bringing us deeper into ourselves. Themes from Beastly Beauty that speak to me in this moment:
-Rigid and destructive assumptions based on convention, expectation, and limited information
-Despair and Hope
-The healing forces of deep, abiding Love
-Faith in self, others, and humanity in general
-To be known in one’s wholeness
-Invention and co-creation
-Urgency for action lest the world as we know it ends
-Collaborating with ‘the enemy’
-The slow turn of trust
-We, together, are the answer

“…Self-awareness, self-regulation, effective communication, and emotional integration…” How many of us think we do these well, and ‘they’ do not? How many of us believe the ‘others’, about half of the voting population, are unworthy humans, willfully, destructively ignorant, and otherwise unfit to wield a vote? We are sure, just based on how they voted, right? Of course this is true, just look at the facts, we insist. We forget that our perceptions are already half formed in advance of information input, and shaped by more than just ‘facts.’

How do our self-delusions of superiority and attitudes of disdain keep us separated, miserable, and collectively utterly dysfunctional? I ask this of myself and us all, my friends, Red and Blue alike. We are all emotional beings with the capacity for reason. Our decisions are emotional at their core, filtered, mitigated, and moderated by rationality, unless and until we get hijacked. Our degrees of awareness and self-regulation are directly proportional to our degrees of intellectual humility, openness to perspectives other than our own and thus openness to change, and the psychological safety for vulnerability provided by those surrounding us.
How well do we provide the latter for one another, even in our own tribes? Try expressing a dissenting view among friends one day and see.

I had meant to recommend this book to you all tonight, even including spoilers to make my case. Again, nope.

I Hold Stories of Humanity for Us all tonight; this one happens to speak deeply to me.
I Hold Stories of Humanity for Us so we may all feel seen, heard, understood, accepted, and loved, no matter who we are, how we voted, or anything else about us.
I Hold Stories of Humanity for Us because these are the stories that save us from and for one another. I hope you find stories that do this for you, too.



The Jar of Smiles

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Who doesn’t need a tiny love note once in a while?

The ‘jar of smiles’ idea came across my Instagram feed some months ago and, though it’s not new, this time it moved me instantly. I could buy a jar of notes online, or I could simply write my own! I have stacks of origami paper left over from past obsessions with the kids–perfect. And since I also save glass jars like a true hoarder, I was all set.

The first two jars went to friends going through hardships. I think of these amazing sisters often and try to text them in real time, and this is another way for them to feel loved by me, but at moments of their own choosing.

Daughter suggested I write a jar for my friends at Ethos, my beloved gym–brilliant! After moving to a beautiful new space 2.5 times bigger than the original and expanding team and services with ambition and gusto, I knew the transition–for all of us–would be a challenge. And it was daunting to consider writing enough smile notes for a whole community. When the gym re-opened last month, the elevated energy was palpable. Every fear or worry I had about the culture not translating was allayed immediately. People’s auras and vibrations pulsed with excitement, light, and possibility. I would not have imagined that the love shared among my gym friends could get better, and here we are–the commute can take up to twice as long now, and I drive it happily just to bask in the light and connection while I train my body. So of course I could pour all that love into a Jar of Smiles!

Turns out, well wishes are easy and fun to write. While listening one night to Beastly Beauty by Jennifer Donnelly (another book I highly recommend; check out my review on Goodreads), the inspiration flowed. Any word from any given passage that crossed my consciousness could evoke something positive. Most messages apply to myself also–reminders of how I want to approach any day or challenge. Music lyrics, books, conversations, memories, items on my desk–once I’m in the love note mindset, each smile message emerges spontaneously and practically writes itself, alternating between affirmations, admonishments for self-compassion and self-care, interesting questions, and cheerleading.

What I had not expected was how uplifted I would feel myself after writing them. Each note is an original thought, occurring to me in real time and sometimes morphing as it emerges, as I run out of space in a line or leave out a letter. But the sentiment and intention remain steadfast–to connect, even anonymously–because we are all human, we are all here doing our best, and our core needs for feeling seen, heard, understood, accepted, and loved are the same. It reminds me of when I write my patients’ action plans at the end of their full day physicals, after consulting with me, the dietician, and the exercise physiologist. The team and I have the luxury of long interviews, when we have time to ask deeper questions and really know people. Our annual health summary acknowledges people’s persistent self-care efforts and serves as pep talk for the year to come. I see you. This is what you mean to your colleagues and loved ones. This is what I wish for you.

My smile jar messages feel like little love darts–the Nerf suction cup kind–shot joyfully at my friends, aiming to bestow mini hickies of encouragement. Maybe a small note will lift someone and make them more likely to lift someone else, because we are always more likely to shine on others when we feel light ourselves. If the effect only lasts a moment, even one subsequent interaction, that’s enough! It’s like dropping grains of sand on a dune (an analogy my mentor taught me), one at a time. Most land uneventfully–the receipient gets a transient oxytocin hit that passes. Once in a while a few grains cause a small slide along the dune face–people start to hold doors for one another, let others into traffic, say hello and start friendly conversations in the check-out line. And over time, with enough grains steadily deposited, ridges and knolls change shape–we start assuming the best instead of the worst in each other, get curious before applying judgment, and seek connection more than division.

Love notes have the power to transform.

I have a 4-inch stack of 3-inch origami squares, a set of rainbow pens, and a box full of glass jars at the ready. I have a list of recipients and occasions, and of course a set of refill smiles for the jar at Ethos. I hope people keep plucking the little squares out regularly, and I hope they do get a good, real smile from each. They are written with love, and I smile myself, rereading as I fold them. It’s meditative and uplifting, and that is my wish for anyone who opens one.

Onward in love and light, my friends. Please share yours, no matter how small–love given away multiplies rather than diminishes–the world needs every grain and every message of love we can muster right now.