Tag Archives: Shane East

Women Elevating Women

Posted on by
2

How is everybody this fine August evening?

How is it August already!? *sigh* I hope we have all savored the summer (here in the Northern Hemisphere) and all it has to offer. There is just something about the longer, brighter days–I know there are myriad researched psychophysiologic effects, but I’m too lazy to look them up. Happy to just revel in them! Energy, activity, growth, flourishing–we humans are part of nature… Life occurs in seasons, and the lushness of summer blooms, the bees’ bumble-busy-ness, watching kids play joyously outside–it all just activates me, makes me frankly elated.

So today I got particularly excited thinking about how women romance authors hold one another up. I have noticed it for a while, and it hit me anew this afternoon. Here’s the story:

Shane East has joined the Creator crew over on Quinn, ‘the app for audio erotica.’ [To read more about this relatively new medium and its social value, see this article from the New York Times and a brief interview with Quinn founder and CEO Caroline Spiegel.] He joins other well known romance narrators on the site such as John York and Zachary Webber. The short form stories are apparently extremely spicy, and people love them. Scripts for the audios vary in origin, written by the voice actors themselves (men, women, and nonbinary folks), established romance authors, and fans alike. Not every piece is explicitly credited.

Shane’s debut on Quinn has been widely anticipated and very well received: As of this writing, about 60 hours out, his first audio has garnered over 4100 plays and almost 800 subscribers. Amidst the deluge of praise, I happened to catch an Instagram story posted by romance author Elodie Hart, acknowledging her good friend Holly June Smith for writing Shane’s inaugural script. It struck me again how often this happens in the romance world.

I see authors regularly promote one another’s work in their weekly newsletters and social media accounts. These magnanimous women include Sara Madderson, Nana Malone (who also co-founded Audio in Color, a non-profit dedicated to increasing diversity and representation in the romance and audiobook industry), Marni Mann, Sierra Simone, Lauren Smith, and Lili Valente. They post about how they collaborate, commune, and just have fun creating together. How wonderful! How generous, loving, and mutually beneficial! Is there any other profession where this happens so commonly?

I think about athletes, thought leaders… It always makes me happy to see blended teams play together in Olympic and All-Star games. Simon Sinek directly addresses his rivalry with Adam Grant in his book The Infinite Game. He frames this competitive relationship positively, as it drives his own professional excellence. In academic research, where resources are limited and science moves quickly, the culture is the opposite of collaborative and mutually admiring–‘cut throat’ is often the prevailing attitude.

Is there no sense of competition in romance writing? I have no idea. I just notice the love of women holding up other women.

I have written before about allyship, especially men of women. Shane East consistently upholds and amplifies his female colleagues, and continues to do so on this new platform.
How would it be if we all amplified one another, in humility and generosity, regardless of gender? Is that realistic? There are still so many gender-based power and status dyamics in multiple (most? all?) domains of human relationship… And yet, we can’t know how social norms will change unless we challenge them, right? Romance and erotica still make a lot of folks very uncomfortable; hence the heavily guarded anonymity of some creators. I understand and respect this; I feel minimal urgency to change it, because I see the tide turning, accelerating toward mainstream cultural sex positivity every year. In my mind, this makes gender parity more likely in the far future. Every little step counts. I know this is just my own perspective, having immersed in the romance world only recently. Maybe that’s why I feel compelled to write about it often, to express my own solidarity and allyship with the progress of sexual and relational freedom for all.

Challenging the status quo does not have to be adversarial, or even direct. Romance novels don’t change social policy. I don’t imagine it’s many authors’ primary objective to activate readers and listeners to lobby Congress or protest in the streets. As throughout history, fiction illuminates humanity and speaks, however quietly yet forcefully, to our very souls. It moves us, sometimes ineffably and other times powerfully, to examine and act. Social change happens in drifts and then shifts, slow and then fast, with forward and backward steps, on a long, jagged arc toward acceptance and inclusion. Human relationships are more complex now than before, and also fundamentally unchanged: we are all here to love one another and help us all live our best lives.

I never would have guessed that my whimsical romance obsession would yield deep and divergent thought and personal evolution. The friendships, the discussions, the self-discovery and intricate connections to shared humanity—it has all been just such a gift, I get goose bumps.

As we enter this last stretch of summer sun and warmth, I sincerely wish for us all to notice humans treating other humans well. It’s okay to feel cynical about humanity, even most of the time. But let’s not allow this to close us off to opportunities for connection when they occur. In fact, I encourage us to actively seek those opportunities–I promise, they are everywhere.

Helper Coda: Shane’s Vespa

Posted on by
2

Here is an example of helping in the form of allyship, however inadvertent.

Shane East is now back in LA, returned from Readers Take Denver. He posted a video from his Big Deck immediately on arrival, with a little reflection and invitation:

“Now, how I got my arse from home to the airport and back with all my stuff including a 3ft wide banner was on my trusty Vespa. Strapped and wrapped and ready. People are always surprised when I tell them and often think I can’t possibly fit what I do on there. So in honour of that, what things have you been told you can’t do/make work and you fookin’ went and did it and did, indeed, make it work or more than make it work, made it a success??”

Shane often posts videos asking followers questions like this, that occur to him out of his own, real time experience and observation. When a pair of very old shorts finally died, he asked us what’s in our closets that we refuse to part with. He noticed himself having little outbursts while driving, and asked us about our own road rage. This time he’s calling it his ‘Curiosity for the week’. It makes me happy that we seem to have this in common, as my blog posts also often originate from me wondering about something and then writing to invite you all to wonder about it, too (see Helper post yesterday).

So I wonder whether Shane intended for this post to empower women? He certainly knows that his following is predominantly female, but the vibe of his videos is generally lighthearted and fun rather than overt advocacy of any kind. That said, comments immediately arrived showing in no uncertain terms what his women followers have had to overcome to get what they want in life. They were told they could not do sports, join or survive military service, go back to school, have successful marriages and families, much less while working, and myriad other random ‘you can’t’s. Two that came up for me were playing volleyball well at 5’2″, and doing primary care and loving it. I still roll my eyes at these today.

He was told he couldn’t/shouldn’t carry all the things on his Vespa. He knew better. He exercised his own judgment and agency and proved others wrong. And as usual, he turned that awareness outward, offering us all a chance to reflect on our own agency and self-efficacy, despite the naysayers. Phrases that emerged in the comments included, “Watch me,” and, “I’ve never looked back.” I tell the story that writing these brief comments, recalling the struggles overcome, boosted our sense of accomplishment and pride–gave us a little hit of serotonin. I might have sat up a little straighter or curled my lip a little as I typed my response. I imagine all of us standing a little taller in our resilience and independence, with gumption, just considering his question–an effect that, if repeated, informs our presence in greater society. In this way, I see his post as a man using his platform to empower us women, with our own strengths. To top it off, he has responded to just about every comment with words of affirmation and validation, which tells me he cares. He is an ally by nature, and he manifests it by simply being who he is. What a treasure; I’m so proud to call myself a follower.

So what is up with the naysaying, anyway? Simply, we all do it. It’s our own fears, limiting assumptions, and biases that we project onto others (and ourselves). It’s human, and we don’t have to judge it. We can simply accept that it is likely inevitable in most scenarios. That may seem defeatist, but it’s actually empowering in itself. If I understand that your discouragement is about you, not about me, then I am free to *respectfully* ignore it. I can choose to engage in disagreement and debate or politely excuse myself and get on with it. Of course it’s a different story if you actually stand in my way, but if not, then I am less affected by your negativity; I can brush it off, let it go. Neutral awareness and acceptance are my Teflon. At the same time, however, in advanced human connection practice, I can also query your warning and rationale for any nuance and benefit to my perspective. That is an exercise in maturity and strategy, among other things.

So Shane, in his ever cheerful, observant, and curious way, empowers us women simply by asking open, honest questions that help us remember and reinforce our own strengths and ablities. And what I love most about these posts (both his and mine) is that I only came to these conclusions while writing my morning pages today, Day 103. I revised my morning routine after his suggestion in yet another video on January 3. He helps me in so many ways, and I could not be more grateful. Thank you, Shane!

How Are You a Helper?

Posted on by
5
Photo by Eileen Barrett

I have thought actively about this question for weeks now, if not many years.

It’s easy to see doctors, nurses, teachers, and childcare workers as Helpers–we do it for a living. Do you consider yourself a member of a Helping profession? Why and why not?
Here is my premise: We are all Helpers.

I just spent two days at Readers Take Denver, my first ever book event (it’s all about romance, surprise!). I skipped my annual national professional society meeting, in the city where Son goes to school, to attend this giant convention where I would meet some of my favorite voice actors and fellow Shane East fanatics. It. Was. Glorious.

I decided to get the whole experience, so I registered to volunteer for parts of the event. I was assigned to help Susie Tate for an afternoon, taking pictures with readers and moving books. I knew of her but have not read or listened to any of her work. Turns out she’s a doctor in the UK! We hung out between signings, and when anyone approached the table I got so excited to help a fellow woman physician writer connect with her readers! What a privilege. Looking back on our conversations, it stands out to me that Susie’s work as both physician and romance author helps people immensely. She may see 50 patients a day in her general practice clinic, and when someone is sick she knows how to navigate the system to get them admitted while also caring for everybody else on her schedule. It’s heroic. She draws on her medical knowledge and experience in writing novels with complex characters, living relationships of struggle and redemption. Readers and listeners relate to her stories and gush about how much her books mean to them. Susie Tate and all of her romance author peers are Helpers, no question.

Let’s also consider the amazing, talented, generous, and gifted romance narrators, shall we? I have now met Shane, as well as Jason Clarke, Sofia Lette, Kit Swann, Angelina Rocca, Gary Furlong, Henry Kramer, Sean Crisden, Lessa Lamb, Chris Brinkley, Aaron Shedlock, and Teri Schnaubelt. Not only do they bring these empathic stories to life in our ears, but they are, themselves, some of the most kind, compassionate, present, thoughtful, and attuned people I have met. It makes sense, right? They engage with stories every day, putting themselves in a diversity of characters’ shoes, minds, and hearts, all in service of helping us relate more deeply and meaningfully to our shared humanity. Wow. Helpers. God bless ’em all.

En route to Denver, I texted my Ethos friends (who are all basically 20 years my junior):

The Ethos Breakfast Club showed up! Encouragement, reflection, validation, humor, and love flowed forth more than I could have imagined, and I felt immediately buoyed. I was able to present at the convention not just to Shane, but to everybody I met, all me and all in, feeling humbly confident, grounded, and attuned. If you are a friend, you are a Helper! In times of struggle, pain, defeat, and fear, who but our friends lift us up? In times of joy, accomplishment, celebration, and connection, who but our friends ampify the light most brightly? I say often, “The only way out is through; the best way through is together.” It is a truth I hold sacred; none of us does anything without help from others.

And it was on me to ask for the help I needed, no? Helping oneself, in this case knowing when, where, and on whom to call, is a life skill, as important as any other. Individualistic Western culture promotes a delusion of self-made-ness that harms us. With help from one another, we can learn to balance independence with interdependence and live richer, more stable, and more fulfilling lives. We simply cannot overestimate how much human connection helps and heals.

Know it, like it, want it or not, we are all in relationship. All humans, everything in nature, the cosmos. Therefore, anytime you do something that makes anything better for anyone else, you Help us all. Stocking grocery store shelves. Driving a city bus. Growing food. Performing standup comedy. Listening. Parenting. Taking care of yourself.
Imagine if we defined any given job or activity as Helping? How would this change our perspective about its role in society? How would we show up differently to the work in this new context? ‘Helping,’ as a concept, feels very different from ‘providing a service.’ The former is personal; the latter is transactional.
Helping is connecting, person to person, recognizing and honoring shared humanity.

Identify as a Helper.

How could everything be better if we all practiced this, even a little bit?