Tag Archives: Shaneiaks

2023-2024: Reflections, Connections, and Aspirations (and Books, of course)

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*sigh*  *smile*  *silence*

How do you feel tonight, friends? What are your body sensations? How is your energy, your mood, your sense of well-being? What does turning a new Gregorian calendar year mean to you? Usually it’s meh for me. But this year feels very different. Looking back on this blog for the past two years, I read it, remember it, relive it: Transformation.

When Son’s college search and launch voyage began in the summer of 2021, my own self-reflection journey intensified. Spontaneously asking his classmates’ parents and then myself, “What do we most want our kids to learn in college? What are the most important life skills?” instigated the yet ongoing exploration of what I now think of as the three reciprocal tenets of well-being: Self-awareness, self-regulation, and effective communication. NaBloPoMo 2021 saw me reviewing practices in those arenas that I strive to model for Son and Daughter. 2022 posts reflect further processing, culminating in a NaBloPoMo with the highest density of personally meaningful posts of any November yet. This year certain concepts saturated, condensed, and distilled in my psyche, and I shared those posts most frequently with patients and friends: Owning my sh*t, standing in my strengths, leading vs lagging indicators of health, and immersing in community.

Repeatedly here on the blog and every day in real life this year, I struggle to find good enough words to express my gratitude, amazement, and utter dumbstruck astonishment at my good fortune to have found Ethos and Shaneiaks, two tribes without whom I honestly think I would not have the audacity to undertake my Big Fat Hairy Goal of writing and publishing the book for which I started this blog in the first place, 8.6 years ago. It’s about time, don’t you think? And yet, it has taken this long. 2023 gave me the synergistic swell of connection, courage, and exposure to makers that has finally ignited my book writing booster engines!

I wrote last week about my back pain and how I attribute it to certain mental stressors. It all continues to evolve. My addendum tonight: It’s the tension between a relentless desire to write this book and share everything I have in my mind and heart, and the profound fear of doing so. That internal tug of war makes me positively squirrelly right now–I’m doing anything but sitting down to write book words and my back is still tight. HOW FASCINATING, where my body puts that ambivalence! Write (HA! unconscious word substitution! I think I will leave it. 😉 ) at my center of gravity, perhaps, where my body folds, hinges, carries. What’s the most useful story I can tell about this, I wonder?

Normally I prefer to sleep through and ignore New Years, but this year I think I may try to leverage it. The idea of resolutions grates me, and I can still meditate and act on meaning, purpose, journey, and goals for 2024. That means stop farting around and procrastinating. As my wise friend lovingly and gently nudged me recently, between thinking/knowing and waiting for that to translate to feeling/inspiration, there is doing. Butt in chair, 500 words at a time. Or 50. Whatever, anything counts. I cannot edit what I have not written. There is a balance between harsh, rigid, self-imposed pressure and lackadaisical excuse making. Perhaps I have leaned too much toward the latter until now? Or maybe it’s all just part of the process? Whatever! How fascinating! 

Table of Contents by end of January. Two or three sample chapters by end of February. Proposal and pitch by end of March. Queries by end of April. Quiet, centered, grounded, loving, fun writing. The more I can feel deeply and effusively my own message as the words emerge, the more likely readers will feel it, too. And that is the goal–for readers to feel seen, understood, loved, inspired, and empowered. That I stand alongside them aspiring, practicing owning our sh*t, standing in our strengths, and thickening our ties to the tribes and causes that matter most to us, to be and make our best contributions. When I get quiet, calm, and loving, it all flows so easily. So this may be the year to adopt a formal sitting meditation practice, too–a sister discipline of calm and quiet, in service of the BFHG. Let’s see what happens, ya? :D 

Thank you all for the time you take to read this blog. I appreciate the engagement, exchange, and encouragement. I found myself writing to so many people today, expressing gratitude more than anything else. May we harness all of our best learnings and wisdom to date and apply them with humility, generosity, and love in 2024 and beyond, all for connection and healing. Big love and light to all, and may this new year bring all good things!

___

Books and Media 2023

The romance immersion continues, full swing, with no signs of stopping. I am registered to attend and volunteer at Readers Take Denver this April, my first ever romance book convention. I will meet many of my new Shaneiak friends there (met two in person already, with another date scheduled in a couple weeks!), and I cannot wait. Shane will be there, too; Shaneiak Friend Heather has already agreed to stand next to me, stroking my arm, calming me down so I may resist the urge to tackle hug him to the point of cracked ribs. Good luck to her!

I began 193 titles this year, some in repeat. Bolded titles below are my favorites; bracketted are unfinished. Closed brackets indicate low likelihood of completion; open brackets are books currently in progress. I still like listening much more than reading, especially while making cards, cooking, cleaning, driving. In 2024 I can trade some social media for eyeball reading, perhaps. So many possibilities! Onward in verbal joy and learning!

Books

  1. Anti-Diet, Christy Harrison
  2. Write For Your Life, Anna Quindlen
  3. Stories of Your Life and Others, Ted Chiang
  4. Prince Charming, CD Reiss
  5. Them, Ben Sasse
  6. Priceless; My Lord: The Rothvale Legacy: Parts 1 & 2, Raine Miller
  7. One Hot Deal, Anna Durand
  8. Twisted Beautiful Lies: Twisted Lies Duet Book 1, Kelleigh Clare
  9. Her Lovely Lies: Twisted Lies Duet Book 2, Kelleigh Clare
  10. Two Pretty Lies, Kelleigh Clare
  11. [Taste: My Life in Food, Stanley Tucci]
  12. The American Wives Club, Anna Durand
  13. Naked, Raine Miller
  14. All In, Raine Miller
  15. Eyes Wide Open, Raine Miller
  16. Rare and Precious Things, Raine Miller
  17. [The Human Element, L Nordgren & D Schonthal]
  18. Even If It Hurts, Marni Mann
  19. Why We Sleep, Matthew Walker
  20. The Masked Fae, Shari L Tapscott
  21. Royally Endowed, Emma Chase
  22. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo: A Novel, Taylor Jenkins Reid
  23. Insatiable In a Kilt, Anna Durand
  24. The British Knight, Louise Bay
  25. Then I Met You, Matt Dunn
  26. Do the Work, Steven Pressfield
  27. The Never King, Nikki St. Crowe
  28. The Dark One, Nikki St. Crowe
  29. Their Vicious Darling, Nikki St. Crowe
  30. Flirting With Forever, Kendall Ryan
  31. Quickies, A Filthy Anthology, AL Jackson and others
  32. Before You, Marni Mann
  33. One Hot Favor, Anna Durand
  34. King of Wall Street, Louise Bay
  35. Park Avenue Prince, Louise Bay
  36. The Thief, Megan Whelan Turner
  37. Duke of Manhattan, Louise Bay
  38. Earl of London, Louise Bay
  39. The All or Nothing Marriage, Eli Finkel
  40. Cassandra Speaks, Elizabeth Lesser
  41. International Player, Louise Bay
  42. Private Player, Louise Bay
  43. [Gray Hair Don’t Care, Karen Booth]
  44. Awaken Your Genius, Ozan Varol
  45. Wait With Me, Amy Daws
  46. Dear Edward, Ann Napolitano
  47. Highlander’s Captive, Mariah Stone
  48. Hollywood Scandal, Louise Bay
  49. [Highlander’s Secret, Mariah Stone]
  50. Reasons to Stay Alive, Matt Haig
  51. The Fae Princes, Vicious Lost Boys Book 4, Nikki St. Crowe
  52. Enjoy Every Sandwich, Lee Lipsenthal, MD
  53. Natural Obsession, Anna Durand
  54. The Wrong Gentleman, Louise Bay
  55. Happily Letter After, Vi Keeland
  56. One Night Only, Lauren Blakely
  57. One Exquisite Touch, Lauren Blakely
  58. My One Week Husband, Lauren Blakely
  59. The Depths, Jonathan Rottenberg
  60. After Care: A Romance for the Over 40, LB Dunbar
  61. Cowboy, LB Dunbar
  62. The Queen of Attolia, Megan Whalen Turner
  63. Getting Real, Emma Chase
  64. Our Missing Hearts, Celeste Ng
  65. Dark Deception: A Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
  66. Dark Seduction: A Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
  67. Dark Obsession: A Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
  68. The Heir, Nana Malone
  69. The King, Nana Malone
  70. For You, Jodi Ellen Malpas
  71. xo, Zach, Kendall Ryan
  72. The Measure, Nikki Erlick
  73. The Saint, Nana Malone
  74. The Little Paris Bookshop, Nina George
  75. You’re Not Listening, Kate Murphy
  76. The Book of Dreams, Nina George
  77. The King of Attolia, Megan Whalen Turner
  78. Twisted Love, Ana Huang
  79. Deceit, Ava Harrison
  80. His Pretty Little Burden, Nicci Harris
  81. A Conspiracy of Kings, Megan Whalen Turner
  82. Liminal Thinking, Dave Gray
  83. Pearls From the Practice of Life, John Chuck, MD
  84. Tallulah’s Temptation, Robyn Peterman
  85. Dr. Off Limits, Louise Bay
  86. Dr. Perfect, Louise Bay
  87. Creating Freedom, Raoul Martinez
  88. Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert
  89. The Brit, Jodi Ellen Malpas
  90. Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff
  91. Entice, Ava Harrison
  92. Ms. Lead, Amy Booker
  93. Winterset Hollow, Jonathan Edward Durham
  94. The Second Chance Plan, Lauren Blakely
  95. Royally Deceived, JD Carothers (ALC)
  96. [The Power of Agency, Paul Napper and Anthony Rao]
  97. A Dragon’s Tale, Donna Grant
  98. The Rook, Nana Malone
  99. Heart of Thorns: A Dark Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
  100. Conceal, Ava Harrison
  101. The Likely Resolutions of Oliver Clock, Jane Riley
  102. The Earl on the Train, Kerrigan Byrne
  103. [The Enigma, Jodi Ellen Malpas]
  104. Bad Blood, Bella Jacobs
  105. Boyslut, Zachary Zane
  106. Dumped, Actually, Nick Spalding
  107. Heart of Fury: A Dark Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
  108. From Here to Eternity, Caitlin Doughty
  109. Heart of Flames: A Dark Vampire Romance, Sarah Piper
  110. Write a Must-Read, Anjanette Harper
  111. Making Merry, Kerrigan Byrne
  112. Smart Brevity, Jim VandeHei, Mike Allen, Roy Schwartz
  113. These Walls Can Talk, Erin Mallon
  114. These Walls Can Talk 2, Erin Mallon
  115. The Dating Playbook (formerly Big Deck Energy), Kim Loraine
  116. The Bossy Prince, Lili Valente
  117. Hot Asset, Lauren Layne
  118. Into the Gray Zone, Adrian Owen
  119. Hard Sell, Lauren Layne
  120. Beautiful Enemy, Piper Lawson
  121. Beautiful Sins, Piper Lawson
  122. Huge Deal, Lauren Layne
  123. Skin Hungry, Erin Mallon
  124. The Grumpy Prince, Lili Valente
  125. Improvise!, Max Dickins
  126. Beautiful Ruin, Piper Lawson
  127. The Architect, Nikki Sloane
  128. Give Me More, Sara Cate
  129. Three Little Mistakes, Nikki Sloane
  130. The Royal Virgins: The Complete Collection, Kim Loraine
  131. Thick As Thieves, Megan Whalen Turner
  132. Getting Schooled, Emma Chase
  133. Wicked Omens,Patricia D. Eddy and Midnight Coven
  134. Indefinite, Corrine Michaels
  135. Boss Without Benefits, Lili Valente
  136. Dirty Letters, Vi Keeland & Penelope Ward
  137. My Sinful Longing, Lauren Blakely
  138. Instant Gratification, Lauren Blakely
  139. Overnight Service, Lauren Blakely
  140. Blood Secrets, Lili Valente
  141. Dirty Little Secret, Kendall Ryan
  142. The Messy Lives of Book People, Phaedra Patrick
  143. [The Spy, Nana Malone
  144. Close, Laurelin Paige
  145. Dirty Little Promise, Kendall Ryan
  146. Rory in a Kilt, Anna Durand
  147. Torrid Little Affair, Kendall Ryan
  148. Tempting Little Tease, Kendall Ryan
  149. The Never King, Nikki St. Crowe
  150. The Dark One, Nikki St. Crowe
  151. The Detour, K Bromberg
  152. The Road Back to You, Leah St. Andrews (ARC)
  153. Signed, Marni Mann
  154. Their Vicious Darling, Nikki St. Crowe
  155. The Fae Princes, Nikki St. Crowe
  156. Master of Change, Brad Stulberg
  157. The Big Bad Office Wolf, May Sage
  158. Filthy: Erotic Love Letters, Carrie Ann Ryan and others
  159. Sinner, Sierra Simone
  160. Rock Hard, LJ Shen
  161. Seducing the Innocent, Shayla Black
  162. Getting Played, Emma Chase
  163. Saint, Sierra Simone
  164. [Outlive, Peter Attia
  165. Sanguine, Sierra Simone
  166. Seducing the Bride, Shayla Black
  167. The Long Game, Elena Armas
  168. Priest, Sierra Simone
  169. Misadventures With a Professor, Sierra Simone
  170. Governor, Lesli Richardson
  171. Gloria, Sierra Simone
  172. Lieutenant, Lesli Richardson
  173. Mr. Mayfair, Louise Bay
  174. The Knife Man, Wendy Moore
  175. Wicked Conjuring, Sarah Piper
  176. Dr. Fake Fiancé, Louise Bay (ARC)
  177. For Love of Magic, Simon R. Green
  178. The Grand Design, Stephen Hawking/Leonard Mlodinow
  179. Ordinary Grace, William Kent Krueger
  180. Royally Yours, Emma Chase
  181. Royally Endowed, Emma Chase
  182. [The Fourth Turning, William Strauss/Neil Howe
  183. Royally Raised, Emma Chase
  184. The Playboy Prince, Lili Valente
  185. Hers to Keep, Serena Akeroyd
  186. A Billion Wicked Thoughts, Sai Goddam and Ogi Ogas
  187. Cocktail, Lauren Smith
  188. Holiday Hotness, L. Steele
  189. [Theirs to Cherish, Serena Akeroyd
  190. [Fake It for Me, Weston Parker]
  191. Dream Guy Next Door, Lauren Blakely
  192. [What Is Health? Peter Sterling
  193. [The Lady and the Orc, Finley Fenn

Articles

Podcasts and Videos

Andrew’s Daily Five: Movie Themes and Scores and Songs Countdowns, Episodes 1-5 each, August 25-September 15, 2023

Cinema Therapy ARAGORN vs. Toxic Masculinity

Playlists

Agape

Writing

Workout

Loving Lessons from Saint by Sierra Simone

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My dear friends, thank you for tolerating the continuous gushing about my romance immersion, 12 months now and still going strong! This post is about more than just the smut, I promise.

Disclosure: Spoilers!

My review of Saint by Sierra Simone on Goodreads (MM = male/male):

“Only my second MM romance. Captivating. So empathically and compassionately written, descriptions of the intrinsic experiences of mental illness, moral conflict, honest self-exploration and accountability open listeners’ minds and hearts to the depth of our fellow humans’ emotional, spiritual, and relational lives–with self as well as others. Sierra Simone‘s voluminous and passionate love of and attention to history shine so brightly, and her writing is both utterly sophisticated and completely relatable. Again, as in Sinner, social commentary is rendered gently, if clearly. This book could be read/heard and thoroughly enjoyed simply as sexy, contemporary romance. And with just a little more contemplation, its meaning and impact become so clearly and importantly much, much more.
Jacob Morgan‘s and Sean Crisden‘s performances move and resonate. Morgan’s accents bring us to Belgium and France with vocal ease. The narrators’ expert acting proves that voice alone is enough to convey all we need to know and feel another’s experience.”

OK SO: Sierra Simone. O.M.G, a QUEEN of language and expression, holy cow! Of all the romance authors whose work I have now consumed (and there are so many more, I will not know them all in this lifetime), her voice stands out, rich and vibrant. “…utterly sophistocated and completely relatable”–maybe I aspire to be so, hence my zealous admiration–because while I cannot think of better words to decribe her work, I know she can.

I have now listened to all three full length novels in the Priest Collection and I highly recommend them all. Jacob Morgan narrates with others, and his voice acting is simply superb, so honest and real. Inspired to listen by the Facebook Shaneiaks group live chat with Sierra and Shane East, once again I cannot thank this community enough for broadening my exposure, experience, and insights from fiction! Sierra is known for her explicitly erotic writing, and she describes in the chat how she came to commit, BOOBS OUT you might say, to writing spicy (‘ghost pepper’ level) romance for her own creative fulfillment. It so happens that doing this resonates deeply with readers and listeners everywhere–such a shining example of the far-reaching ripple benefits of open and audacious authenticity. I was moved to tears by Sinner and to deep thought by Saint, to the point of ordering the latter in print to annotate–only the second print romance I own so far.

The thoughts and feelings evoked by these stories almost escape verbalization. Journaling to untangle it all, I could only list the broad topics approached, addressed, probed, and articulated, individually and all intersecting: Racism. Religion. Spirituality. Grief. Blame. Conflict. Paradox. Love. Lust. Intimacy. Self-delusion. Fear. Shame. Communion. Self-love. Self-compassion. Honesty. Reconciliation. Peace. Commitment. Flexibility. AND. Reformation. Relationship, omg: Parental. Fraternal. Platonic. Romantic. Intimate. Carnal. Spiritual. Intellectual. Multidimensional. Eternal. It’s all an intense, existential jumble, yet conveyed wholly and elegantly in a couple hundred pages of writing, through only dialogue and narrative. Amazing.

The Catholic Church. Simone notes at the beginning of Priest: “I spent the majority of my life in the Catholic faith, and while I’m no longer Catholic, I still have the utmost affection and respect for the Catholic Church… That being said, this novel is about a Catholic priest falling in love. There is sex, more sex, and definitely some blasphemy. (The fun kind).” Her attitude toward the church is respectful, even reverent, as she clearly acknowledges its flaws and failures. Her criticism is loving, never disparaging or rude. How would our world be altered if more of us could take this approach to change and justice?

I think I liked Saint in particular because of the courageous and difficult journey Aiden takes toward integration–to know that he may carve a unique and unprecedented path to being wholly devoted to God without sacrificing any part of himself. I wanted so much for him to embrace that infinity loop of polarity navigation–self-acceptance and independence from dogma and wholehearted communal spiritual participation. Simone’s portayal of church leaders, always local and in personal relationship with the heroes, is so empathetic–they exemplify the ideal spiritual leaders and pastors–helping people through their personal conflicts and crises with love, compassion, humility, and non-judgment.

Characters on journeys to becoming their whole selves, loving each other in the process, helping each other self-actualize–is that what moves me? Isn’t that what heals? In the context of a social structure that has so much of its own paradox–such profound benefits of faith and community and also radically high risk for severe dysfunction, omg… Is there an institution other than religion, that harbors such gaping potential for both healing and harm?

Simone shows how to maintain a loving, open perspective, accepting both poles of the Church, by writing how three brothers in one family react to the same trauma (sister sexually assaulted by priest, later dying by suicide)… Her books do not generalize, dehumanize, demonize, or judge anyone or anything in broad strokes. She does not throw anyone or anything away, nor does she dismiss, excuse, minimize, or deflect. The novels don’t necessarily explore deeply–or I should say explicitly? They are not political or sociological commentary at their core. But through the characters’ struggles and stories, we get to consider myriad gray areas and dig, if we wish, patiently and lovingly, into deeper meaning, both collective and individual, shared and private. The characters’ relationships bridge diversity of race, gender, sexuality, and other aspects of humanity; their moments of epiphany, empathy, and connection emerge in gentle starkness, drawing readers/listeners into vicarious, second hand emotional education.

The ancillary characters all play important roles–obvious and blatant in message–necessarily. They remind me of my own role as physician: I get to observe you, my patient, and your life, as a third party. I am not in your life with you, for the most part. I get to stand and walk next to you when you come to me; I witness. I can know you, and you get to control (much of) that. I can only pry so much; you can choose to withhold. And I may still, if I pay attention, see you. Because our relationship is low-stakes and imbalanced (my role is only to survey and advise, much like the mentors, teachers, and pastors in these stories), I have the freedom to speak frankly, objectively, and lovingly… You may receive my advice more openly than from loved ones because of my credentials and the nature of our relationship. What a fascinating and meaningful privilege.

I wonder how people reject these stories–what do they object to, what are the emotions, triggers, rationalizations, and other factors? To me, these stories can be taken as lessons in honesty. Maybe that’s why I love them so much, because honesty is important to me, and barriers to honesty and self-relection can be formidable in the context of such strong, dogmatic social norms as in the Catholic Church, so heavily steeped in ritual, tradition, and institutionalization. Maybe I see these stories as exemplary works for culture change–fiction as vehicle for social movement–duh-HA! Does anyone expect that from romance? It’s unexpected and, I think, deliciously subversive. Such artful integration, BRAVA. More, please.

God bless Sierra Simone and authors everywhere and in all times, who make us think, feel, and connect, to be and do better.